Which discrimination -ism is still alive and well?

[Gravekeeper]

Ummm, what's "creepy" about an older person trying to pull a younger woman (of the legally consenting variety - especially, say, "mid-20's")?? That is precisely my point...

Honestly, I don't think you understand what ageism is if you insist on applying it this way. Are you seriously saying people shouldn't be creeped out if someone twice their age tries to use their interests expressly to try and weasel their way into their pants?

That's creep behaviour even without an age difference.

[Slytovhand]

Honestly, I don't think you understand what ageism is if you insist on applying it this way. Are you seriously saying people shouldn't be creeped out if someone twice their age tries to use their interests expressly to try and weasel their way into their pants?

That's creep behaviour even without an age difference.

A) IS it 'creepy' to go to websites to try to 'weasel' into someone's pants? b) is it not possible for there to be more than one motivation?? After all, I'd think that most people, if RL isn't helping them find someone to hook up with, would be turning to the internet... and while there are dating sites, I'd think going to sites which are about your interests would be better.

If A is true, then cool... (which you've suggested).


And, 'ageism' is the idea that preconceived ideas are placed upon a person based solely on their number (or apparent number, based on looks), ie, "You're too old for XYZ", or "you're only X years old - what would you know?" - especially when it leads to moral imperatives "You shouldn't be doing that at your age".

Btw, just happens to be a post on this ideology on another forum I visit... http://answers.echinacities.com/ques...st#lastcomment

[Gravekeeper]

A) IS it 'creepy' to go to websites to try to 'weasel' into someone's pants?

Unless the website has "Adult Friend Finder" in its title, then yes, it can be creepy.

b) is it not possible for there to be more than one motivation?? After all, I'd think that most people, if RL isn't helping them find someone to hook up with, would be turning to the internet... and while there are dating sites, I'd think going to sites which are about your interests would be better.

You're drifting off topic. Ginger was specifically referring to people joining a younger group that they share an interest with, only to pick up said younger people. If they have a legitimate interest in a topic, sure, they have a valid reason for being there. Otherwise, creepy.

Also, going to a dating site *is* better because everyone on said site is actually looking for a date. Whereas everyone in a group based around an interest is quite likely there because they enjoy that interest. Not because they're looking to get picked up by some creepy dude twice their age. ;p

And, 'ageism' is the idea that preconceived ideas are placed upon a person based solely on their number (or apparent number, based on looks), ie, "You're too old for XYZ", or "you're only X years old - what would you know?" - especially when it leads to moral imperatives "You shouldn't be doing that at your age".

Yes, and you're trying to force it into the issue of age differences in relationships. Its not the same thing. Objecting to an age difference is not ageism. You can't call ageism on someone that doesn't want to date someone 30 years their senior. Nor can you call ageism when people object to someone in their 40s is picking up his barely legal teen students.

There's a laundry list of perfectly valid reasons for objection. You don't yell discrimination when someone doesn't want to have sex with you or when someone objects to you picking up barely legal students when you're in your 40s. >.>

[BlaqueKatt]

There's a laundry list of perfectly valid reasons for objection. You don't yell discrimination when someone doesn't want to have sex with you or when someone objects to you picking up barely legal students when you're in your 40s. >.>

unless the age is the only reason for it.

Replace age with any ethnic group and it's automatic racism.

"I don't date black guys"
"I don't date guys over 25"

Both are making a blanket conclusion based on one criteria.

I used to refuse to date anyone under the age of 21, just because of that number, no other reason. My current husband asked me on a date when he was 19, I was 28. I didn't see the age because I had already known him for almost a year and we got along great. And even though he pursued me, guess who still gets hell for being with someone I'm happy with, I get called "creepy" a lot, by people that know nothing other than I'm 36, he's 27(at this point we've been together for almost 9 years.)

[Gravekeeper]

Replace age with any ethnic group and it's automatic racism.

You're playing the race card? Seriously? Come on. There are valid reasons for someone to not wanting to date someone too old or too young for them. Not so much for "too black". Don't be absurd.

I get called "creepy" a lot, by people that know nothing other than I'm 36, he's 27(at this point we've been together for almost 9 years.)

He's within your range per the unwritten rule ( Your age / 2 + 7 ). ;p

[Andara Bledin]

I used to refuse to date anyone under the age of 21, just because of that number, no other reason.

If it was just a number picked out of a hat, then it's ageism.

Now, if you had reflected on general maturity level and chosen to draw a line based on that, it would be positive discrimination.

It's not the what, but the why that determines this.

^-.-^

[siead_lietrathua]

i dont think you can count agism or racism or sexism when talking about intimate partners. even if we may be eager to be friends with people across all boards, we are allowed to be more selective with who we screw. we are not required to drop trou and bang anyone who asks.
you may only be sexually attracted to asian women, or black men, or people in their 20s, or people in their 60s! it's wiring, it's not an -ism.

[Andara Bledin]

If you have to ask a person how old they are in order to determine which side of an arbitrary age line they fall, then it's ageism.

However, if you take one look at a person and think either, "ew, they're all old and wrinkly," or, "ew, they're still a babe," then it's just a matter of physical attraction.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

If you have to ask a person how old they are in order to determine which side of an arbitrary age line they fall, then it's ageism.

I would view that more as common sense so you can get a handle on where someone else is in their life. Also, avoiding statutory rape charges. =p

Seriously, its not discrimination when it comes to evaluating a potential partner. Everyone on the planet does not have a default right to have my dick in them that I am unfairly denying them.

[siead_lietrathua]

Everyone on the planet does not have a default right to have my dick in them that I am unfairly denying them.

and all your CS fangirls lose hope..... (couldn't resist)

[HYHYBT]

Perhaps it would help to say that the criteria you use for selecting a sex partner *are* discrimination, as is anything you use to select some people and not others. It's just not automatically BAD that you find Feature X attractive or otherwise, whereas it would be wrong (even were it legal) to use that characteristic as a test for whether t hire someone or conduct b usiness with them.

(As the most blatant example, I think everyone here would agree that it's wrong to hire or promote (or not) based on whether someone is a man, a woman, or somewhere in between. that doesn't mean we all have to be pansexual.)

[siead_lietrathua]

Perhaps it would help to say that the criteria you use for selecting a sex partner *are* discrimination, as is anything you use to select some people and not others.

i thnk calling it preferances is a better option. using the term discrimination carries all the negative baggage that discrimination implies.

you can prefer dating, for example, black transwomen in their mid 30s. that doesnt mean you are discriminationg against anyone else. it's just the preferance you have for a partner, and what you find attractive in a person.

but saying someone is discriminating against asian men because they find black transwomen hot is just, kinda, really, silly.

[Slytovhand]

But... choosing to not go out with someone purely because 'they're Asian' IS discrimination... "I don't like Asians" is pretty clear-cut. And, that's different from saying "I don't like XYZ features". For example, there are many people around the world that fall into a particular ethnicity, but you wouldn't know it from their looks... So, you meet someone, you get along great, you fall in love, and then meet their parents... and bam! You find they're Asian... what do you do now??


Similarly, you meet someone. In your eyes, you get attracted to them, hang out, like each other, have a great time, and you're starting to think something might happen between you... then, you find out their age - OMG They're ancient!!!! Do you just dump them on the spot???

So, what's wrong with just taking someone as they are?

You're drifting off topic. Ginger was specifically referring to people joining a younger group that they share an interest with, only to pick up said younger people. If they have a legitimate interest in a topic, sure, they have a valid reason for being there. Otherwise, creepy.

Also, going to a dating site *is* better because everyone on said site is actually looking for a date. Whereas everyone in a group based around an interest is quite likely there because they enjoy that interest. Not because they're looking to get picked up by some creepy dude twice their age. ;p

I disagree! I have a liking of heavy metal. I'm also single. I know that there aren't a lot of girls in my area into it. So, I happen to find a metal site that caters to the local scene. Are you suggesting I shouldn't try to pick up? or to arrange a date through it?? Or, that to do so would be 'creepy'??? As I said, I disagree!

Now, hitting onto everyone there... and being 'offensive' - yes. But, that's different~

Yes, and you're trying to force it into the issue of age differences in relationships. Its not the same thing. Objecting to an age difference is not ageism. You can't call ageism on someone that doesn't want to date someone 30 years their senior. Nor can you call ageism when people object to someone in their 40s is picking up his barely legal teen students.

Thanks BK - I agree! Yes, objecting to an age difference IS blatant 'ageism'! Take my previous example - you have NO idea how old someone is, yet you find everything about them is fantastic for you... then you find out their age - sorry, but now you're too old for me? That's basic crap!!!

And, yeah, I will play a 'race' car... I work in China in the ESL field. There are piles of stories of native (and non-native) English speakers who apply for jobs here, fly through the interview, have great credentials etc... and then lose the job at the last second because they don't look caucasian enouggh! Regardless of their nationality and speaking ability. If this is blatant racism (which it is), then doing the same based on a number is blatant ageism!

He's within your range per the unwritten rule ( Your age / 2 + 7 ). ;p

And just what, precisely, is NOT ageist about that?? If I'm 40, I'm ONLY ALLOWED to date someone from 27 years old??? Anything younger would be... creepy? Seriously, there are 50 year olds with less maturity than some 23 year olds I know!

[siead_lietrathua]

But... choosing to not go out with someone purely because 'they're Asian' IS discrimination... "I don't like Asians" is pretty clear-cut.

the person isnt saying "i dont like asians". they are saying "i DO like black people". slight diffrerence.

there is a diffence between choosing to go out with someone and simply not finding someone attractive. it might not be their race. it could be their political values or their grey hair or because they are a douche. it could be that the person is the hottest supermodel-scientest-marathon winner in the world, and they simply feel nothing for them. why should someone HAVE to date anyone they are unattracted to, regardless of reason?

attraction isnt always a mental checkbox thing. it's often some innate pull felt towards someone. sometimes it may be people that are all similar in apperance. sometimes it may be people on opposite ends of every spectrum. but picking the people someone is drawn to rather than every tom, dick or harry that asks them out does not a bigot make.

[Silverharp]

I'm a 40 year old LARPer who collects comic books.
Trust me, I've gotten the "You should act your age" hits as much as anyone.
I'm enjoying a physical activity that promotes stress relief in mock combat situations and expands the creativity process through puzzle solving and tactical scenarios.
That and it's fun.
How is that NOT acting my age?