Self harm

[Lace Neil Singer]

This topic came to me after reading thru the suicide topic. I decided to create a new thread, just so that the other one wouldn't be sidetracked.

There's a lot of ignorance about self harm; a lot of people either see it as a cry for help or attention, or as something done to be "emo" or "cool". Yes, there are some very dispicable people who make chicken scratches accross their wrists for attention; sadly, they are the ones who end up in the press and persuade genuine self harmers to carry on what they're doing and not get help.

I can't speak for anyone else who's deliberately tried to hurt themselves, but personally I never once made it public that I was self harming. I covered up the scars and cuts on my arms and legs in long sleeves and tights, even in summer; I made excuses for the cuts if someone else saw it; even when I ended up in Casualty, I pretended it had been accidental. It was a secret personal thing, done so I could let out the hurt and anger, but also to punish myself for being such a bad person. I also was suffering from compulsive eating disorder at the same time, and cut myself when I broke my diet and binged.

[kamn]

Another misunderstanding would be that they are only cuts.

Many of those emo kids just want to be in. Some of those emo kids actualy are suicidal and are hiding behind the emo mask. But they are rare, yes. However, I dont want either to be inflicting self-harm (dont realy know why to be honest), and am probably one of the ignorant people for trying to help both. There is also a third category in all this, some see it as art, with the skin as canvas and the blood as paint.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I know about that, however I've never seen it that way so I can't comment.

I also used to burn myself, put my hands in boiling water, bang my head with my hands or against the wall, hit the wall, abuse painkillers and other things. The compulsive binging and dieting would be seen too as self harm, I guess. And believe me, all the emo kids I've personally been in contact with are chicken scratchers. I've told a few off before, and showed one emo girl who was scratching her hands with a compass my scars; some of which are really nasty, cuz they had to be stitched up.

[Shangri-laschild]

I've been in the same social circle as both groups. While I never actually cut myself, I've been tempted plenty of times at some points, very strongly. I dislike the "cutting for attention" attitude. It makes light of people who have an actual problem and cut themselves because of emotional pain. I'm not saying the people who do it for attention don't need help too, but it still bugs me. I've seen the scars of people who did it for themselves, and been around the people who almost seemed to be freaking out just to hear someone talk them down from trying to cut themselves (cutting for attention without the actual cutting). There is usually a big difference between the two kinds of scars. I've actually seen an overlap though. People who cut because of the emotional pain and because they want to bleed and for all the other reasons you usually hear from the ones who cut from themselves. These people still show them off in the same way the attention seekers do.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I don't so much show my scars off as I just don't care about them any more. I see no reason now why I should cover up in longsleevers just cuz people may see them and recoil. Only place I wear a longsleeved shirt is at work; I really don't want to have to deal with people's ignorance on the subject or for SCs to attack me. There's aircon so it doesn't really matter.

[miyon]

I'm a cutter also. Started when I was a teenager. I kept it a secret for a long time as well.
As it got worse I finally told an old boyfriend and bet you know what he said/thought "your doing it for attention so I'm going to ignore it" (kind of paraphrasing)

But about 2002 the cutting wasn't helping the suicidal thoughts like it used to and so my depression got me to the brink of death. I sought out a Dr and learned not only my diagnosis but that the cutting was just one of the symptoms.

I felt validated finally. I got on medication and now only cut myself when things get very bad.

Oh and yeah I used to cover the scars with clothing (I usually only cut my left arm so I would sometimes wear those unattached sleeve-like things) but in the past few months I've just been, screw it, I dont care if someone freaks or thinks I'm a freak.

Oh one other thing, sorry for the length, I was pulled over by a cop for turning on a red light. He came to my window all business but then saw my arm and asked 'whats all this?' told they were self-inflictive. He then just says to watch my driving, have a nice day, then walked fast to his car asap.

[Flyinghi]

I don't know if I fall into this cathegory as I don't actually cut myself

I usually kinda simulate it I never break the skin never bleed. I usually scrape a sensitive patch of skin ( inside of my wrists for example) against a sharp edge just enought to get a jolt of pain as i'm typing this im bitting the inside of my cheek hard enough to make me wince I've been doing this for years it's punishement for not being able to focus or when I'm not able to be positive.

I wonder why I have never crossed to line into full blown self harm Part of me feels like that's anothing kind of failure yet another thing I've managed to half-ass who knows ?

This post is mostly just me in a very mellow mood venting a bit so I can finally see the words out in the open but feel free to respond if you like

[crazylegs]

During my working life (both current job and previous ones) I could always tell who was a serious self harmer and those who did it 'because'.

Those who were struggling with the self harm never let it show, if it did it would be brushed away with a comment or bean dip comment.

Those who did it 'because' would very often start their conversation by rolling up a sleeve and showing their marks (I've had worse cuts shaving). The kids (it normally is those in their younger teens) do need help, but the cutting will stop in a very short time span, the people who don't fit into this category take a lot more time to stop.

[Seshat]

I usually kinda simulate it I never break the skin never bleed. I usually scrape a sensitive patch of skin ( inside of my wrists for example) against a sharp edge just enought to get a jolt of pain as i'm typing this im bitting the inside of my cheek hard enough to make me wince I've been doing this for years it's punishement for not being able to focus or when I'm not able to be positive.

The exact category doesn't matter: are you doing it to 'self-medicate' or 'self-manage' something that can be managed in a less risky and more functional way?

Some self-harm provides an endorphin burst that temporarily 'cures' screwed up neurochemistry. Some self-harm provides a distraction from screwed up neurochemistry, or from otherwise uncontrollable negative thoughts, or from bad memories.

It's a coping mechanism. And until or unless the self-harmer finds a better coping mechanism, it's not going to stop.

Fortunately, for most (but not all) causes of self-harm, there are coping mechanisms available that will help more: make the person's life more functional and happier than the self-harm can, and with fewer risks.

The problem is that most mental health systems are still very difficult to navigate, and in some cases (such as the USA) prohibitively expensive for people with problems serious enough to include self-harm.

Still, for those who are reading this and who self-harm, try to navigate your local mental health system.

If your problem is neurochemical, there are probably (not always but probably) drugs that can balance your neurochemistry. And it's no more 'wrong' to take them than it is for a type I diabetic to need insulin.

If your problem is uncontrollable thoughts or emotions, drugs can stabilise you enough to learn techniques to control them. You will probably need the stabilising drugs before you can learn the techniques, but that's okay too.

If your problem stems from traumatic experiences, the mental health community's ability to help people heal from trauma is constantly improving. Give them another try.


The important thing, IMO, is not 'is this normal?' but 'will this help me be more functional and/or have a better life?'
Go for options where the answer is 'yes'.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I stopped a while ago, however I don't really consider myself cured. I think of it like being an alcoholic; you may have given up drink, but the temptation to have a drink during stressful moments is always with you.

Yesterday, I had a personal crisis. I had to work hard to fight down the urge to grab a knife and cut my arm. I really wanted to, cuz for years that was my primary impulse so not doing so took a lot out of me. It actually quite scared me.

[Seshat]

I'm not surprised. It's a coping mechanism that you know works for you. Other coping mechanisms are less well tried and tested. Of course the instinct is to go for the one you know works!

You just (just? Ha!) need to keep trying the other coping mechanisms that are less risky and likely to be better at keeping you happier and more functional, until you come to trust those as well as, or better than, the self-harm. And to trust them on an instinctive level, not just an intellectual level.