Who is the deadbeat here?

[Andara Bledin]

I'm willing to bet that the mother here, is probably a huge factor in her elder daughter's depression, and probably also her son's drug problem.

Younger daughter has Down's and may or may not have any idea what's going on. The youngest (the one featured in the birthday package glurge) was only 3 when their parents split up, and the article makes it seem that he left their lives for good, which makes it odd that the youngest would have any real emotion about the gift's quality since the mom makes it seem that dad was never around for any birthday's in the first place.

Also, how on earth did that woman rack up $800,000 in debt (not counting unpaid back taxes) so quickly? What was she doing with the $80k/year she was receiving, 2/3 of which were tax free?

Here's an interesting site with statistics on which parent does what in various situations in the US, including which is more likely to abuse a child (the birth mother, 61% vs 25%), which is more likely to be ordered to pay child support (non-custodial fathers, 61% vs 20%), which is more likely to never pay anything (non-custodial mothers, 46% vs 26%), and that 66% of child support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to them being unable to do so, regardless of willingness.

^-.-^

[HYHYBT]

It's too bad (though I understand there are sufficient reasons) they can't sit the judge down for an interview, whether he wants to do it or not, and make him explain the reasoning behind the decision.

[Canarr]

Of course he's not paying now. He's not earning 100K in Manila.

That's the thing that a lot of people don't seem to see. He was paying close to half his take home income in child support, but the new ruling essentially meant that he was destitute.

I'm not saying that he should be paying the same amount of child support that he paid before. I'm just saying that I'd have a lot more sympathy for him if he paid anything at all.

Again: I can't condone the judge's overruling of the original agreement, and I can completely understand that he ran.

And, yeah: that blurb about the kid and the birthday package is BS.

[Andara Bledin]

I'm not saying that he should be paying the same amount of child support that he paid before. I'm just saying that I'd have a lot more sympathy for him if he paid anything at all.

He quite literally can't.

While he was in Canada, he was working and making a decent wage and paying his child support.

But then the mother got greedy because she can't seem to budget for shit or realize that being a single mom means not living in a $1.2m mansion.

With the new judgement, he had no way to survive on what he would have been left with after paying child support and spousal support, and he found the idea of paying her way to be morally repugnant and completely unacceptable in and of itself and particularly when it would reduce him to poverty and steal from what should be his retirement savings.

Thus, he fled the country.

When he fled, he left his home, his family, and probably most important, his job. He can't make the money in the Philippines that he did in Canada, so he doesn't have the money to pay the child support any more.

This woman got greedy and now she gets nothing. Moral of the story, that.

^-.-^

[Lace Neil Singer]

I know there are plenty of useless, deadbeat dads out there but at the same time it really bothers me that court systems are so brutally biased towards the mother a lot of the time.

This. A friend of mine went thru hell to get full custody of his kids after he split with his wife. Ex-wife, by the way, was a complete psycho who was physically and psychologically abusing her kids... and still got favoured by the courts, even when she was slapping her daughter and younger son around, and telling her oldest son that since he was autistic, she was disowning him. The courts were insisting that she have shared custody, even tho the kids were begging him not to make them live with her. Eventually, by dint of a court case that he had no choice but to instigate, he got sole custody.

[Canarr]

He quite literally can't.

[SNIP]

When he fled, he left his home, his family, and probably most important, his job. He can't make the money in the Philippines that he did in Canada, so he doesn't have the money to pay the child support any more.

Yes, he can.

Paying child support doesn't have to be a 100% or 0% decision; even with a reduced income (and I know plenty of German business people who moved to Southeast Asia to make more than they did in Europe), he could pay *something*.

I'm not saying he should pay the full amount that he paid before his wife got too greedy. What I'm saying is: paying 70%, 40%, 20% or even 10% of the regular child support would, in my eyes, give more credibility to his claim that he doesn't want his children to suffer. I understand why he ran from that unjust court order, I get not wanting to give his Ex anything, but paying nothing at all to his children just strikes me as wrong. that's all.

[Rapscallion]

He's already given a metric fucktonne of money to his estranged family. The ex-wife, if all that is true, has burned through that metric fucktonne of money and gone deeply into debt.

Without more information, I have to think that he's given more than a fair share and they're not really seeing anything of that money. His wife's blown it all.

Again, I'd like to see more information on this, but I can't see anything to make me think otherwise right now.

Rapscallion

[draco664]

Yes, he can.

Paying child support doesn't have to be a 100% or 0% decision; even with a reduced income (and I know plenty of German business people who moved to Southeast Asia to make more than they did in Europe), he could pay *something*.

I'm not saying he should pay the full amount that he paid before his wife got too greedy. What I'm saying is: paying 70%, 40%, 20% or even 10% of the regular child support would, in my eyes, give more credibility to his claim that he doesn't want his children to suffer. I understand why he ran from that unjust court order, I get not wanting to give his Ex anything, but paying nothing at all to his children just strikes me as wrong. that's all.

Not that I disagree with you, but who's to say he isn't? The article is almost 100% from the ex-wife's perspective, with a very sympathetic reporter. Hell, for all we know, he's still paying all the child support.

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

I suspect the mom blew the money on drugs and/or gambling debts.

[Skelly]

Sympathy for her: absolutely nil.

[MadMike]

I know there are plenty of useless, deadbeat dads out there but at the same time it really bothers me that court systems are so brutally biased towards the mother a lot of the time.

And this is why I was so afraid to take my ex to court over our son when we split up. She had mental issues, was violent at times, couldn't hold down a job, and would randomly vanish from time to time. I would have gone to court had it become absolutely necessary, but I was afraid of what would happen if it did. As it turned out, she was all talk and nothing else, as she is with most other things. Some of her friends warned me that she was talking about it, and one time, she even threatened me directly. I just looked her in the eye and said, "If you think you have a chance in hell of winning, you go right the fuck ahead!" She backed down immediately, and I don't think she ever said a word of it again, but the truth was that I was scared shitless.

As the years went by, and she bothered with him less and less, I became less worried. And when he was about 12 and told me, "She never did anything for me except give birth to me!", I pretty much stopped worrying. Around 12 or 13, the courts will pretty much let the kids live with whichever parent they want to live with, and it was clear he had no desire to live with her. He turned 18 and finished high school this year, so I should rarely have to deal with her at all anymore.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Wow, your ex sounds like my friend's ex. As for her, she's currently in the nick, cuz she broke her restraining order that was given to her after she specifically threatened my friend's wife, saying she was going to stab her. The kids never see her now, and they're fine with that.

[AdminAssistant]

It's crap like this.... It just makes me want to sit down every young woman in the world, look them in the eye, and say, "Do not get married until you can support yourself." And then sit down every young man in the world and say, "Never marry a woman that can't support herself."

[Peppergirl]

It's crap like this.... It just makes me want to sit down every young woman in the world, look them in the eye, and say, "Do not get married until you can support yourself." And then sit down every young man in the world and say, "Never marry a woman that can't support herself."

So much WORD to this. I would hug you right now if I could, AA. This is so damned true.

[Rapscallion]

Then we just need a society where that can happen.

Rapscallion