Pushing Buttons (perhaps unintentionally)

[Ghel]

I was so mad at my husband last night for something he said to a trans woman (let's call her Kay) that we only know online.

Hubby and Kay were talking on Skype about something to do with our club on Second Life (that part doesn't really matter), and Kay mentioned that she still had last-minute Christmas shopping to do. Hubby responded, "Don't take this the wrong way, but that's a really guy thing to do." I was like and I thought I heard her voice go cold for the rest of the conversation.

I griped at him for it after they were done talking. He said he didn't think it was a big deal because Kay has already had SRS. I said, so what. That doesn't mean she passes 100% of the time. Being clocked as male, even by someone who she's disclosed her trans status to, could be pushing buttons or triggering for her. He kind of waved it away, but I hope he thinks before he speaks in the future.

[bara]

Knew a gal (actually guy) who was in an old WoW guild I was in years ago. No one that I am aware of seemed to care that she was a he.

I think the acceptance she received really helped keep her sane and helped give her the strength she needed to be herself.

[Hyena Dandy]

Yeah, I'd agree that was unintentional. I can see how it was triggering, but I honestly think the reason that he said it was probably because, well, she's female, and he didn't realize how that effects her.

[Andara Bledin]

If taken at face value, it shouldn't be offputting to a normal woman and is only offputting to her because of her specific status.

Honestly, I'd be more irritated at the idea of "guy thing" vs "gal thing" at all (supporting sexist stereotypes, and all) than that he made the comment to someone a bit sensitive to such distinctions. The latter is merely icing at that point.

^-.-^

[HYHYBT]

My SIL and her mom were doing Christmas shopping online tonight, right before leaving for the 11PM church service, trying to decide whether there was any point in going for the overnight shipping. It's not a guy thing.

[smileyeagle1021]

My personal stance is that any time you have to preface what you are saying with "please don't take this the wrong way" it probably isn't the right thing to say.
I mean, I say stuff like that to my husband all the time after he says or does something stereotypically straight manish, "are you sure you aren't straight?"
Then again, I know him well enough (I'd better), that I know he'll appreciate the humor and the irony of it, and perhaps this girl has that type of sense of humor that she'd enjoy that... but I wouldn't say it if I didn't know her well enough to know that I can just say it and don't have to preface it.