I'd rather not have the Iphone.

[Talon]

I think that most of these rules are reasonable.
Some I'm iffy about. For example:

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.

All reasonable, but the bold part is iffy. That's some pretty strong language, makes me worry about how rigidly it will be enforced. What if the kid misses the call because it's turned off or silent? What if he's busy, or simply not in the mood to talk?

4. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

Don't see how that one will be enforced.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.

Also iffy. Begs a much larger question that I don't think is easily answered. He's not going to be a 13-year old boy forever. So when/where will it be ok for the growing young man to learn about his sexuality? Because frankly, at a certain point that's none of the parents' business.


As others have pointed out, these rules should come with some kind of stipulation as to how long they will be enforced. He won't be 13 forever. If she chooses to rigidly enforce them indefinately, whatever responsibility he learns will be completely undone once he leaves home.

If the mom's smart, she'll apply some Gamification to this. Kid's starting at Level 1, these rules apply. If he shows he can be trused to follow those rules, he gains a level and some rules get relaxed. The eventual expectation is he won't need the rules anymore.

The effectiveness of mom's entire rulebase is dependant on how reasonably she will enforce them.

[Greenday]

All pretty sensible rules to me. Nothing overbearing on that list. He's 13, he doesn't need a phone 24/7. Having a phone isn't a right, it's a privilege (Especially when you aren't paying for it.). I feel like the list could be simplified into "Don't let this phone make you into a douche." but that's too broad. They set a good list of rules.

[telecom_goddess]

Yup they seem reasonable to me considering the age. Maybe this kid has a chance to grow up and not be a rude entitlled douchebag. To see some discipline is refreshing. I also agree as he gets older those rules need to start falling off, and by the time he's 18 they should be gone.

[s_stabeler]

my opinions, on each rule:

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

reads a little condescending, to be honest, but fine in principle. makes it slightly less appropriate as a christmas present if its a loan, though. (in my opinion, christmas presents shouldn't be loans of items- though assuming it is merely used to enforce the rules, it shouldn't be a problem.)

2. I will always know the password.

um, unsure. intent appears to be to allow parent to keep an eye on kid's usage of phone, but I still dislike demand for the password. Maybe it's just me, but I never share any password to anything.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.

No. Just No. Kid needs to be allowed discretion in if he answers the phone, even to his parents. Say the kid is watching a movie? on a bike? swimming? parents are checking up far too often than is reasonable? sure, some kind of rule is appropriate, but this goes too far. ( I'd reccomend a rule requiring an explanation later if the kid doesn't answer to his parents, and be flexible.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

times are reasonable; second part could be worded somewhat better but apparent principle ( don't use it to be a douchebag) is good

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

close, but what if kid needs to call Mum? drop the requirement to leave the phone at home, but emphasise face-to-face contact should be used the majority of the time.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

OK, but do bear in mind iPhone are expensive. Parental assistance may be required with replacement costs, since IIRC, they can be higher than $600, which may be unaffordable for a 13 year old. Principle of the kid paying is good, but maybe make him pay $300 of the replacement costs? something high, but not unaffordable ( and kid has to pay the difference if he wants a more expensive replacement)

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

no problem with this

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

again, no problem, although it probably doesn't need to be separate from the one above

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

assuming this is about swearing, I'm split. kids will swear; so depends on how strictly enforced it is.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.

stick to no porn for this; the rest sounds too close to restricting the exact sites the kid can visit.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

a) the primary use of a mobile is while you're out of the house, so having one turned off most of the time is a bad idea. otherwise, this is OK.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

good rule.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

badly worded- pictures can be good as momentoes, this rule seems to basically ban such usage.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.

rule unnecessary- leave it to the kid's own judgement, please. a mobile has so many uses thee days it probably IS a good idea to keep it with you all the time. Talk about when it's inappropriate to use a mobile instead.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

to be blunt- STFU about the kid's music choices. if the kid enjoys it, let him listen to it. Or do you remember your parents disapproved of YOUR music when you were his age?

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

agian- STFU. none of your business,

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

again- this is better covered by a conversation on reasonable mobile phone usage, and leaving it to the kid's discretion.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

way to make the kid defensive. not to mention, the kid WILL resent you taking the phone away no matter what. Deal with it.

in short, good in theory, depends in practice on how the parent enforces it. Not to mention, slacken them as the kid ages. ( for example, if the kid is old enough, let him look at porn.)

[Rageaholic]

way to make the kid defensive. not to mention, the kid WILL resent you taking the phone away no matter what. Deal with it.

in short, good in theory, depends in practice on how the parent enforces it. Not to mention, slacken them as the kid ages. ( for example, if the kid is old enough, let him look at porn.)

Finally, someone who gets it. The whole thing is defensive, like she's anticipating him doing something stupid (which isn't unlikely, but still). It could have been simple rules like don't talk to strangers, don't post false info, don't post dirty photos, ect. But the way she words it is so specific, so anal, and goes far beyond common sense and into dictating everything he does. Even at the age of 13, that is too extreme. A lot of the rules are good in practice, but the way she comes across is condescending and a little creepy, like a helicopter parent.

[s_stabeler]

because I grew up in the "internet generation", Rageaholic, so do know what it feels like.

[Ginger Tea]

Some of the rules are contradictng and others make me wonder why the child has a mobile phone in the first place.

you must answer when a parent calls yet it must be off when in the cinema etc, well you call when its in airplane mode it goes to voice mail, how much of a bitch fest will you give him before he gets to say "I was following rule bla about turning it off/silent"

Not taking it to school, well only having it after hours means you have to go home first to pick it up, then hand it back in, kinda defeats the whole point of a mobile to me, it's almost like giving him a pocket land line.

I like everyone else here grew up without a mobile phone, some may have had no land line for a fair while, we didn't get ours till the 90's, some of the advice is good, ie sexting, not read the full linked list just those commented on here.

Parents should be able to find out where their child is if they are late, or kids should phone to say they are going round a mates house after school, without a phone to check up on someone parents can fear the worst By invoking the does not go to school rule, they can not check up on him after school nor can he call in an emergency, so agian why is he given a mobile in the first place?
Granted it's an iPhone and seen as a status symbol,
"i have one of those too"
"show me it then"
"I'm not alowed to bring it to school"

Maybe he already has a less restrictive crap phone and this is just them covering their bases of not having an overly expencive phone vanish at school, but some of it reads as "I will buy you those £200 trainers, but you can never wear them"

Calling the land line vs the childs direct number, sooner or later families will not have a land line to call and children will give out their own personal number so that rule might be moot with some friends already,

If it isn't on the list, using real English/Written Language of your country vs text shorthand, you can send one text made up of numerous text's and I recieved one years ago that was 7 texts long, most of it redundant waffle mind you, We are no longer limited to 160 characters except for the likes of twitter, having the child not develop a text speak habbit is a good thing as is verbal communication, I only text these days, a vast majority of my co workers are from eastern Europe and if I am on the early shift I may not actually say anything to anyone save for the drivers as I am in my own room, so when I go to tescos on my way home and they ask if I need a hand baging I forget the word rucksack and reply "I have a thing <semi incoherant rabble about backs and bags>"

I can sit and think about what I want to say or type really, edit it to my hearts content and review it before hitting send, yet I can and will trip over my tounge on some days cos I just havn;t spoken much that day (others I just don't shut up but make even less sence)

[HYHYBT]

It occurs to me that part of why the list seems overly strict is because I never had to deal with many rules at that age. I don't think I had that many rules *total,* much less for one thing... but then, I didn't need them because I was an introverted homebody type and better behaved than was really healthy.

[Andara Bledin]

Finally, someone who gets it. The whole thing is defensive, like she's anticipating him doing something stupid (which isn't unlikely, but still).

One thing to consider: You have no idea what kind of kid this is.

I wouldn't have needed a list like this. Ever.

My brother, however, absolutely would have required such things to be written down before he'd even consider them rules. >_<

^-.-^

[draco664]

One thing to consider: You have no idea what kind of kid this is.

I wouldn't have needed a list like this. Ever.

My brother, however, absolutely would have required such things to be written down before he'd even consider them rules. >_<

^-.-^

QFT.

As a kid I would blindly follow any and all instructions my parents gave me. Be home by 10? I was in the door before 10. Call to let them know where I was? Calling in as ordered.

My sister, on the other hand, would ignore the orders when it suited her, or if she disagreed with them, or if she was bored, or if she just didn't feel like it.

Oh, the hysterical claims of favoritism that came later on in life when I was allowed to use the car and she wasn't...

[TheHuckster]

The only rule I disagree with is "if it rings, answer it." There are vast places where answering a ringing phone is rude.

A better rule would be, "If it rings and you're available answer it. Otherwise, return the missed call."

[HYHYBT]

My phone (not an iPhone, not that it matters) doesn't always ring when a call comes in. When it does ring, depending on all manner of things, I might not realize it's doing it in time to answer. Or I might have my hands full, or any number of other things that make it either difficult, dangerous, or outright impossible to answer the phone in the few seconds between it begins to ring and when the call goes to voicemail. And none of that except driving would be any different for a 13 year old. (I even had it wait well over a week to notify me of a voice mail, though that only happened once and, fortunately, wasn't anything important. But an hour or more delay isn't all that unusual.)

[Greenday]

I like these people saying that there are contradicting rules.

For instance let's say the kid is at the movies. He's supposed to half his phone on silent but answer all calls from parents.

My response? Why didn't he tell his parents he was at the movies? If he told his parents where he was going, they wouldn't call during the movie.

[bex1218]

My response? Why didn't he tell his parents he was at the movies? If he told his parents where he was going, they wouldn't call during the movie.

Unless they are my dad, seriously...

I think the only rule that bugs me (actually shouldn't be a rule to have a phone of any sort) is to listen to more than one type of music. Irks me when parents try to contol something like that.

[Greenday]

Unless they are my dad, seriously...

I think the only rule that bugs me (actually shouldn't be a rule to have a phone of any sort) is to listen to more than one type of music. Irks me when parents try to contol something like that.

I highly doubt that's a hard and fast rule. It's obviously meant as more of a suggestion.