Overwhelmed Nebraska Dad Left 9 Kids

[tropicsgoddess]

The Nebraska Dad abandoned his 9 kids from being overwhelmed in having to raise them alone when his wife passed on. In Nebraska there is a law where kids under 19 can be surrendered and dropped off in safe haven spots (i.e. fire-rescue stations, etc.).

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news...en.Safe.Haven/

[Pedersen]

And?

Honestly, if he was overwhelmed, he did the right thing. He did it legally. And he did the steps needed to make sure his kids will get better care than he would be able to provide.

[Boozy]

I can't imagine a parent leaving their children. But all that proves is that I personally am not the kind of person who would do that. I can't bring myself to judge someone with a different psychological make-up than me.

Some people can't handle it. The important thing is that he did the right thing and made sure the kids were in the hands of people who can care for them. There's no question the children will have some abandonment issues, but is that any worse than being raised by a parent that doesn't want you?

So I agree with Pedersen. I guess we can expect those four horsemen any minute now.

[Pedersen]

So I agree with Pedersen. I guess we can expect those four horsemen any minute now.

Dammit! I don't have my bomb shelter built yet! Can't you wait until next week for that, and give me some warning?

[Sableonblonde]

This is why it isn't that great of an idea to have TEN kids. Nothing is guaranteed in life, such as both parents being alive until all of the children are grown and supporting themselves. That guy must have had a pretty good job to be able to support ten kids, his wife, and himself. (I am assuming the wife didn't work). Why couldn't he have kept working and hired a nanny or got other family members involved or a combination of things like that? That just seems shitty to bring all of these children into the world and then just up and wash your hands of them.

[Sylvia727]

Just to play devil's advocate...he never asked any relatives for help. If he's been struggling since at least this July, why didn't he reach out? He said he had to quit his job to take care of them, but "a number of relatives" have offered to take them. It sounds to me as if he had available options that would have been much less traumatizing to the children.

To be dropped off at a hospital with all but one of your siblings must feel like abandonment to the children. And if that pain could have been avoided, either with relatives babysitting or with relatives taking custody and Dad getting visitation, why wouldn't he do that?

[AFPheonix]

I'm sure he was in some serious depression and probably dealing with some anxiety issues. I suspect that's probably why he didn't reach out to family for help.
And while it's easy to sit here and say they shouldn't have had 10 kids, they're here now, so there now a workable solution needs to be found.
While I feel for him, I don't think dropping his kids off at the hospital was necessarily the right option. If I were a lawmaker I would probably amend the law so that in the case of kids older than, say, 6 months to a year, that the person have a case worker called to the hospital (they come in the event of people attempting to OD on something in my experience) to talk to them about various options including some mental health care for the parent if they're feeling stressed, depressed or overwhelmed. Perhaps even short term fostering until the parent can get things turned around enough to continue care for their children. In some cases, it probably would be more beneficial for the kids to get to leave and the parent to cut ties, but I think most cases where there is no abuse involved would be better resolved with the parent getting enough support to keep the child in their custody.

[Boozy]

If I were a lawmaker I would probably amend the law so that in the case of kids older than, say, 6 months to a year, that the person have a case worker called to the hospital (they come in the event of people attempting to OD on something in my experience) to talk to them about various options including some mental health care for the parent if they're feeling stressed, depressed or overwhelmed.

I'd like to see a similar program for intervention, but I don't think it should replace the safe haven program.

Some parents could feel so overwhelmed with anxiety and guilt that they would do anything to avoid being confronted by social workers. The "no questions asked" policy is meant to save lives in the most dire of situations. By the time parents have reached the point where they are willing to walk away from their children, they aren't thinking clearly. Safe haven spots are meant to prevent children from being abandoned entirely - or worse.

[AFPheonix]

That's why I threw in the temporary foster thing. From the article, a lot of the kids who are now being dropped off who are not infants anymore weren't in immediate danger, just that parents hadn't reached out fully, either because they didn't know how or where to go or didn't think they could for some reason.
The guy with 10 kids hadn't even contacted family yet, so obviously he hadn't started exploring any options yet before going to the big guns.
That's also why I put the age caveat in there. Infants could still get dropped off no questions asked, but after a certain age, the parent has already committed, and unless there's a history of abuse, they need to continue to commit. I'd just like to see them explore all options before going to the extreme of relinquishing total custody.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

I'm surprised nobody has brought up what seems to me, to be the obvious issue here.

The Nebraska law is unique because in the rest of the US, if you give your children up to the state, even willingly, you get in lots of trouble. This is why the safe haven laws have been passed in most states recently, to allow people to give newborns away instead of leaving them in dumpsters out of fear of punishment.

Now the Nebraska politicians are saying that this has obviously exposed a loophole in the law and they need to close it, by reimposing stiff penalties for people who give up older kids. But to me, this has exposed a problem that until now has been mostly invisible. These parents kept these kids previously, not because they wanted to, but out of fear of going to prison. What kind of home is that for a child?

I'll be the first to tell you that government assistance, in the form of counseling or mental health care, is woefully inadequate in most of this country. A long waiting list is most likely what you'll find, that and overworked social workers.

[AFPheonix]

I'll be the first to tell you that government assistance, in the form of counseling or mental health care, is woefully inadequate in most of this country. A long waiting list is most likely what you'll find, that and overworked social workers.

This is true, and Nebraska will have to address this if they want to amend the law in any way that is fair to all parties involved.
Yet another reason why I think comprehensive health care reform is desperately needed in this country.

[spookysonata]

That's pretty much what my great grandfather did. When his wife died, he dumped his kids at the orphanage, remarried and started a new family.

My grandfather was a miserable bastard for the rest of his life.

[IDrinkaRum]

A twist to the Nebraska law

Iowa Teen abandoned by Grandparents

They did it to teach the girl a "lesson". But now they have her back.

[IDrinkaRum]

This is getting ridiculous

Another out-of-state teen abandoned in Nebraska

What happened to Military School? What happened to finding help within the system first? How about asking family/friends for help?

This time it's a Michigan Mom who drove roughly 12 hours to get rid of her kid. Why? The other people who have abandoned their children said "uncontrollable behavior". Bah ... you want uncontrollable? Take my daughte for an hour.

Sheesh.

[Flyndaran]

Another out-of-state teen abandoned in Nebraska

What happened to Military School? What happened to finding help within the system first? How about asking family/friends for help?

This time it's a Michigan Mom who drove roughly 12 hours to get rid of her kid. Why? The other people who have abandoned their children said "uncontrollable behavior". Bah ... you want uncontrollable? Take my daughte for an hour.

Sheesh.

Such a women is obviously incapable of responsible care for children. I don't want any law, or regulation that could possibly make her even slightly less likely to take such kids to a safe place.
How can my opinion not be the majority?

Prosecuting her, or even so much as chastising her, will make others in dire straights less likely to take kids to safe places. That kind of judgemental attitude will lead to more abuse and deaths without a doubt.