Why is it not ok to "slutshame" but it is to "virginshame"?

[TheHuckster]

From what I understand, having ones hymen break hurts.

I understand the hymen often breaks as a result of other athletic activity, or even after putting on a tampon if you've done so. It's very fragile.

I just hate when people who lost it when they were 13 tell me that I am foolish for waiting, because it's "always horrible the first time." Not because they lost their virginity when they were young, but because you can only lose your virginity once. I know just as many people who said it wasn't that bad as it was horrible.

First of all, it depends on what's going on. Of course a 13 year old is going to find it uncomfortable or even painful because chances are her partner is just as inexperienced and is also an adolescent horndog who's going to resemble a jackhammer. Add to that the doubt and anxiety going on during and after, and you've got a rather horrible experience. If you are older and you've got someone who actually cares about you and is also more experienced, then chances are it's not going to be the absolute best sex you've ever had, but it's not going to be as awful as the 13 year olds said it was going to be, and it most certainly is going to be memorable.

Second of all, I think it's perfectly fine to wait. I'm going to put out there that while I've done "other things" throughout my teenage and early 20s, I didn't actually go all the way until I was about 25, when I did have someone I truly wanted to share the experience with (and is now my financee). And I have no regrets (well, every so often I do think about that random girl I met at that college party, but that's neither there nor here anymore ).

Sex is pretty much the most personal thing out there, and it really is nobody else's business how you perform it, or how often you perform it, or why you choose to perform it.

[Rebel]

From what I understand, having ones hymen break hurts.

Hymen myths.

Basically unless you're not wet, didn't start with foreplay, or if the guy is just going at you like a jackhammer, first time sex isn't supposed to end with blood and pain.

Laci Green is a very good person to follow on YouTube. Even I believed all these sort of myths until she set me straight.
And I love how she refers to it as your "Sexual Debut". I think that is a far better way of approaching first time sex instead of the shaming that you have somehow lost something and are now less because of it.

[Rageaholic]

Revising this thread. I'm obsessed with Fark.com and found a thread on an article about how there should be no shame in being a virgin. Some of the comments on both the article and the fark thread were nasty. They were saying that the writer was a loser or worse and misconstructing what he was saying to make him out to be an asshole.

here is the fark thread for those curious. I think it's sad that someone who's message is essentially "live and let live" is being demonized so much.

[Greenday]

Revising this thread. I'm obsessed with Fark.com and found a thread on an article about how there should be no shame in being a virgin. Some of the comments on both the article and the fark thread were nasty. They were saying that the writer was a loser or worse and misconstructing what he was saying to make him out to be an asshole.

here is the fark thread for those curious. I think it's sad that someone who's message is essentially "live and let live" is being demonized so much.

The tone of the article written comes off as super whiny to me. It sounds like he never moved on and his baggage is getting in his way.

[Titi]

The tone of the article written comes off as super whiny to me. It sounds like he never moved on and his baggage is getting in his way.

I agree. That shit happened in high school. Sure it was humiliating but why is he allowing it to get in the way of other relationships. How can he even know if a girl cares for him if he doesn't allow them the opportunity to show it?

[Rageaholic]

Yeah, it wasn't the best written article, but the overall point still stands. You shouldn't have to get laid by a certain age to be considered cool. This guy may his issues, but at least he doesn't feel entitled like some other people (Elliot Rodgers).