The Dreaded "Nice Guy."

[Greenday]

I have a feeling our definitions of wusses is different.

[Nekojin]

I have a feeling our definitions of wusses is different.

If you're equating "nice guy" with "wuss" as you did in the post that I first objected to, then yeah, I think we're talking different languages. You're talking Jock. I'm talking English.

[Greenday]

If you're equating "nice guy" with "wuss" as you did in the post that I first objected to, then yeah, I think we're talking different languages. You're talking Jock. I'm talking English.

You can be a nice guy without being a wuss. But the "Nice Guy" is usually a wuss.

[blas87]

Meh...I'm so used to being "not girlfriend material" or only worthy of being a fuck toy....or someone to casually date.....I've just come to accept it. It's partially my own damn fault because I absolutely refuse to date the wussy "Nice Guys" again after what happened in my last relationship where I only dated the guy purely because he was "safe"....at least I've come to accept that my only options to be treated well are with guys that I will never truly find attractive or good enough for me, the only ones I want are the ones who won't feel the same about me. Such is life.

But hot damn, guys really don't like it when you call them out on being schmucks, that's for sure.

[HEMI6point1]

Besides everything that is said here, there are a fair number of guys who are really cool individuals that are sadly lumped in with the "nice guys" because they are not "properly" handsome enough, and are totally ignored by women.

Definition #12 is good and so is #13 on this site.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Wow. I just find #13 to be incredibly insulting. It pretty much paints women as being stupid, un-evolved barbarians. It just sounds like some "smart" guy who is really just a bitter prick venting his frustrations at failing to get a girl despite being the "better choice."

Right, as if men always go for the more intelligent woman. I could go on a whole tangent, generalizing about how men are actually cowards and terrified at women possibly being intellectual equals or actually smarter than they are, and that would be the equivalence of definition number 13.

The fact that you call it a "good" definition just boggles me beyond belief.

[Greenday]

Besides everything that is said here, there are a fair number of guys who are really cool individuals that are sadly lumped in with the "nice guys" because they are not "properly" handsome enough, and are totally ignored by women.

Definition #12 is good and so is #13 on this site.

Just sounds like some guys trying to justify their failings using whatever rational makes them feel better.

I've lived the "nice guy" crap before. Be passive, act like just a friend, and you'll never get a girlfriend that way. I came out of my shell my junior year of college and forced myself to be outgoing without being an asshole. My looks didn't change but the amount of positive female attention I got sure did.

[blas87]

By the by, just so you guys don't feel alone, but as a subtle reminder that you aren't angels....I give you the higher percentage of guys who truly prefer the bitchy, needy, greedy girls over the genuine sweet independent girls.

Not all, but a lot. Just like girls prefer assholes because of their outgoing nature and their confidence....apparently, a large number of guys prefer to be with a demanding, rude bitch who will probably cheat on them or use them for everything they have...........and when they get a really nice girl, they don't even notice or care that she's there, unless they need a pair of tits to stare at.

Just trust me. I know this. My boyfriend, who is getting every day closer to being an ex bf.....married a woman who cheated on him, he paid for and did everything for her....he then dated a woman who did the same damn thing to him......he gets me, and I can barely get him to fucking notice me, let alone take me out in public. And it's always a money excuse. Yeah, what the fuck ever. Then there's the trying to blow smoke up my ass with compliments. Doesn't work with me, bud. You really like me, you'd take me out in public with you like you do your friends and everyone else.

[Greenday]

The women I end up tend to be crazy in some way or another. They seem totally normal and then after a while, the crazy comes out and it's like wtf? I know everyone's got issues, but I feel like I just become a therapy boyfriend to help women get over their problems.

[blas87]

I know, right? You almost feel like you're just an escape. And that's all.

It may seem extreme and premature, but I'm about to throw in the towel and find some other girls in the same boat as me, and just live Sex and the City or Golden Girls style.

At the end of the day, I know I'm to blame for who I date, but it just seems there has to be someone, at least just one of the ones I truly want, who can treat me at least the same as their ex....not just as eye candy to play with at home and never take out or take seriously. Or only pay attention to me after I've yelled at them.

[Greenday]

I know, right? You almost feel like you're just an escape. And that's all.

It may seem extreme and premature, but I'm about to throw in the towel and find some other girls in the same boat as me, and just live Sex and the City or Golden Girls style.

At the end of the day, I know I'm to blame for who I date, but it just seems there has to be someone, at least just one of the ones I truly want, who can treat me at least the same as their ex....not just as eye candy to play with at home and never take out or take seriously. Or only pay attention to me after I've yelled at them.

You can move to Virginia with me when my new job starts. I promise to treat you like a human being if you promise not to treat me like your therapist.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

I was just reminded of a scenario I overheard two guys talking about (yes I knew the two guys, and I confronted them about it, you won't believe the answer);

They were joking about how their girlfriends had to have the passwords to their Facebook and e-mail accounts, and be able to see their BF's phones when they ask for it. They were acting like this is normal.
Then, when I tell them that's really not normal and actually shows that their girlfriends REALLY don't trust them, the response was, "It's just what chicks do."

Excuse me? Am I not female? I would never do that kind of shit. I know some passwords to some of my BF's accounts, but it's things like Steam so I can play a few game titles that he has already that I can't afford and he offered to to me, I didn't ask.

My brain BSOD that day, multiple times.

[guywithashovel]

Posts by blas and Greenday could serve as good examples of what I saying earlier in this thread---or should I say "trying to say," since the message appears to have been lost on most people. I honestly think that a lot of "nice guys" or "nice gals" are just lonely and frustrated and sometimes have to open their mouths and blow off steam, and then they're mocked, berated, and condescendingly lectured by self-appointed "dating experts" for portraying the stereotype.

If you're a decent person, and you're not having much luck, it can make you look around and say, "Gee, I may not be perfect, but I'm an okay person, and most people seem to like me platonically; why can't I hit it off with anyone in that special way?" You don't think you're entitled to sex just because you did something nice for someone. You aren't spineless. You're just an overall decent person who can't seem to find love, and you get frustrated, especially if everyone else around you seems to find it at the snap of a finger.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

I have yet to see a genuinely nice person display the same characteristics and complain the same way the manipulator "nice" people do. Maybe I'm not going to the right places, but I've had friends who are truly nice people, they do complain a little about not being able to find a person, but since I know them personally, I'm able to offer support. I offer advice when they ask for it, and just a fully believed "Don't give up, it'll get better" when they're just in a true funk and need someone to have faith for them and in them.

If you're looking for a way to vent frustrations on dating/lack of dating, you do what Greenday and Blas do - you talk to friends or people you trust to not ridicule you when you're in a fragile position. We have enough people here (and on CS, though the moderators would probably have a field day with any jerks) with high enough empathy levels that they wouldn't allow condescension toward someone who is honestly hurting.

If you're just going to the Interwebs in general to vent... well, welcome to the Internet. Trolls be everywhere, don't feed them.

Edit: To be more specific on the differences between the complaining.

Truly good people wonder what is wrong with them or what THEY are doing wrong. They get frustrated and want to know why it never works out for them. They can understand maybe it isn't them, and just the people around them/the dating pool, but that usually doesn't help them feel better.

The manipulative fakers place all blame on the target of their conquest, wondering what is wrong with HER/HIM and also typically transform the target into something to target hate toward (calling them bitch, bastard, and any other insults.)

[blas87]

Oh trust me, I dated the Whiney "Nice Guy" before. I know better than to act that way or go that route myself.

I just had to vent. It frustrates me is all.

If you're ever around Greenday, or if I ever come across you, I promise I wouldn't use you or your couch.