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  • #1

    Hi! I'm A Shouty Man! And I'm here to tell you about...

    Burping contests! It's the latest alternative to sex!
    Worried that you won't get into heaven? Wanting to avoid being punished for all eternity? Well try all new burping contests! And with its patented portable delivery system, you can conduct burping contests every time and everywhere with our handy dandy affordable product!
    Simply drink several cans of your favourite soft drink and wait for the gas to build in your stomach. Then find a partner who has done exactly the same thing. Then just stand there and burp at each other until one of you can no longer burp or passes out from the other's stinky burp gas.
    What's more, new "Burping Contest" will work across your brain too, preventing you from having any thoughts about sexual activity or even masturbating.
    So try, brand new Burping Contest TODAY!

    Warning: burping contests may not be available in all locations. We are not responsible for any consequences that may arise from said burping contest including public disgust or a dry mouth. Do not try outside a church, at a wedding, at your grandmothers funeral or on a boat. Always read the label.

    If anyone can get my reference from the title, you win the internets.

    So a Christian school has handed out a pamphlet making a list of "101 things to do instead of sex". Burping contests are just one of the items on the list.

    Admittedly they've at least tried to provide alternatives and are focused on encouraging abstinence (they do teach abstinence-plus). I just found this funny.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by fireheart17; 06-22-2013, 07:34 AM.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    *stares at screen*

    I...I got nothing.

    I think my brain needs a reboot. Excuse me.
    I has a blog!

    Comment

    • #3
      I thought the shakers died out back in the 19th Century.
      "My in-laws are country people and at night you can hear their distinctive howl."

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by HYHYBT View Post
        I thought the shakers died out back in the 19th Century.
        Que??

        (yes I know roughly who the shakers are)

        Comment

        • #5
          The Shakers were a religious sect that was competely celibate. New people could join, but members were not allowed to marry/reproduce etc. Men and women lived in separate quarters and had very limited association. Often entire families would convert and then be forced to live separately according to gender.

          Unsurprisingly, the sect's membership dwindled as people left and fewer joined and eventually they went extinct.

          (I lived near Shakertown and visited once or twice; it's fascinating history and very beautiful but I can't imagine living that way).

          Shakers believed in being useful at every moment so even in their free time they mostly sewed, did woodworking, etc. at least partially to keep their minds off the opposite sex. I doubt they had burping contests though.

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          • #6
            Sounds like self-selective Darwinism. They're unbreeding themselves out of existence.

            Comment

            • #7
              The Shakers used to survive by adopting new members and provided a necessary place for displaced kids. Then the laws changed and they weren't allowed to do so any longer.
              Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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              • #8
                Actually, according to wiki, there are still 3 shakers left in a community in Maine.

                That said, it was a nice change to see them actually trying to encourage them to do something else rather than trying to shelter them from sex altogether.

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                • #9
                  Is the title a reference to Billy Mays?

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Do a Youtube search for "Horrible Histories".

                    It's a British TV show that paints historical events and bits of information in a hilarious manner. The fun thing? It's all true (at least as far as historical documents show).

                    They did have a song about Richard the Third that they pulled because they were proven wrong. Richard *did* have a spinal deformity. Scoliosis bent his spine and when his remains were discovered...they pulled the song that had the lyric "Never had a hunch".

                    Got to give them credit for doing that *and* explaining *why* they did it. Basically they said "Our information was wrong, our bad."

                    Here's a good example of the "I'm a shouty man" character.

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUBPqCa-tiE

                    Oh and I do have to warn you. If you have any interest in history and half a sense of humor this *will* kill productivity. We stumbled on the "Dick Turpin" song and we very quickly discovered that the morning had gone and there was no time to make the slow-cooker potato soup we were planning and had to order a pizza.

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlwDrpTq2Mo
                    Last edited by Mongo Skruddgemire; 06-27-2013, 10:32 AM.
                    “There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do.” - Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by HotelKatz View Post
                      Is the title a reference to Billy Mays?
                      Oh and the "shouty man" character was inspired by Billy Mays.
                      “There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do.” - Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mongo Skruddgemire View Post

                        Here's a good example of the "I'm a shouty man" character.

                        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUBPqCa-tiE

                        Oh and I do have to warn you. If you have any interest in history and half a sense of humor this *will* kill productivity. We stumbled on the "Dick Turpin" song and we very quickly discovered that the morning had gone and there was no time to make the slow-cooker potato soup we were planning and had to order a pizza.
                        You win the Internets my friend. *hands them over*

                        Originally posted by Mongo Skruddgemire View Post
                        Oh and the "shouty man" character was inspired by Billy Mays.
                        And following this comment, HotelKatz also receives one free Internets

                        And yes, Horrible Histories is a VERY big time-waster. Especially the new series.

                        Oh and the outtakes (seriously, it took them like so many tries to do the God Compare sketch because they all kept laughing)

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                        • #13
                          I still have all the books and plan on getting my kids to read them. ^^ One of the funniest songs I've seen the series do imo is the Blackbeard one.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Originally posted by SongsOfDragons View Post
                            I still have all the books and plan on getting my kids to read them. ^^ One of the funniest songs I've seen the series do imo is the Blackbeard one.
                            If you watch the outtakes, during one of the lines, they were going to have the men doing a little hornpipe-esque dance across the screen, but they kept tripping into things

                            Kinda funny actually how people kept mentioning a historical religious group and my reference was to Horrible Histories

                            On top of that, the shouty man seems to have become the squeaky man of late

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