"Re-homing"

[Kheldarson]

Found this through a news blog site I frequent:

Child Exchange

It's a multi-part series about how adoptive parents in America are re-homing--like you would a pet--their adopted children through online networks.

I'm moderately horrified reading this. There's systematic failure across the system in so many ways I can't even begin to comprehend.

There's always talk about "for the children" in debates, but what about these children?

[anakhouri]

That's dreadful. If only the states offered more support to these adoptive parents who end up with special needs kids, this might not happen so often. But those people who gave up the LIberian girl after doing zero research on the people they were sending her to...they should be treated as criminals who abandoned their kid. I think adoption is the same as birthing a child; you sign up for life. If adoptive families have support systems in place it would be easier for everyone.

[s_stabeler]

this should not be done privately. The lack of vetting is horrendous. But if the adoptive parents really can't cope? there should be some method for finding people who can, who are properly vetted.

[hinakiba777]

What a horrible way to treat children. I can understand not realizing the difficulty of raising a child adopted from overseas, but the parents should use proper channels to insure the new guardians are properly vetted. But I guess the people involved in this don't really care about the well being of the children, they just want them out of their hair. Horrible.

[Panacea]

I don't understand why the Eason's aren't in prison. They are clearly pedophiles, not to mention sociopaths.

Sickening. Just sickening.

And I'm just as mad at these "parents" who advertise kids on the internet.

Raising kids is hard work. You can have those kinds of problems with your own natural children; you aren't allowed to give up just because it gets hard. If you can't handle the hard cases, don't adopt.

[anakhouri]

In the past adoption agencies (either here or on the foreign end) routinely lied about the children's pasts and psychogical states, so I can see parents not understanding what they were getting into. But these days it's so publicized (really, any child you get from another country is pretty much guaranteed to have severe psychological/physical issues) I can't see why people who aren't totally committed would even consider adopting from a foreign country.

[violiav]

Wow. That was wrenching to read.
I just don't understand that some of these adoptive "parents" were thinking. I mean, do they seriously expect kids that have been thrust into orphanages in situations we can't even fathom to be not traumatized?
It was no secret by the late 90's that during and after the collapse of the USSR that things were in a pretty rough state, and that some places had it worse than others. Cripes, they wouldn't have even had to use the internet. It was probably all at the local library.

[Ree]

Too many prospective parents buy into the storybook image of the Mommy and Daddy and angelic little baby.

There isn't enough training to alert these parents to the fact that there is a possibility their adoptive child will not be all sweetness and light.
Not all babies offered for adoption have come from young, single mothers who gave up their babies so they would have a chance at a better life.

Many of them come from homes where there was no attachment or bonding with their birth mom, nor any other maternal or paternal figure.
Some have come from a background of neglect.

Some were born to mothers who took drugs or drank through their pregnancy.

I really wonder if all of that is being made clear to the prospective parents., and if it is, I have to wonder if the reality of the situation they will face is actually being made clear and up front.

Some go into it thinking all they have to do is love and cuddle the baby, and everything will be all right. The baby will respond to all the love and attention and they will live happily ever after. The sad reality is that with an attachment disordered or fetal alcohol baby. they don't always respond to the sudden displays of affection.
It can take a very long time to undo the damage that can be done over the course of 9 months in the womb, or even a few months after birth.

In the case of older children, there has been an even longer time for the damage to have taken root, and it will not change overnight.

Adoptions are a lengthy process in North America, so many people are opting for overseas adoption.

Not all international adoption agencies are reputable.
Some are just in it for the money and they will lie about certain facts, just to get the child adopted out.

It's truly sickening that anyone with enough money and connections can adopt a child, and then some treat it as if they have adopted a pet from the pound, and want to take it back, or have bought the wrong size pants and are looking for an exchange.

With some of these people, well, maybe there's a reason they weren't able to have their own children.

In the case of parents who already have children and have adopted more, then I really have to wonder why it's so easy for them to just give up.
Do the damned research before committing to something that is meant to be a lifetime thing.

[Ginger Tea]

8 year old Korean adopted under a false name, amongst other things.

Family in America adopted an 8 year old in 89, he enters the country with nothing but the clothes he wore.

His father was already married and he lived with his bit on the side, cant remember if his mother died as it was over a week ago when I read it.
She always destroyed any clothes and gifts he would leave for his son, which he continued to do in America at Christmas and when she tired of him she put him up for adoption under a false name.

Father fails to find him due to fake name and he slips through the cracks and is adopted abroad.

[ExRetailDrone]

Family in America adopted an 8 year old in 89, he enters the country with nothing but the clothes he wore.
His father was already married and he lived with his bit on the side, cant remember if his mother died as it was over a week ago when I read it.
She always destroyed any clothes and gifts he would leave for his son, which he continued to do in America at Christmas and when she tired of him she put him up for adoption under a false name.

Father fails to find him due to fake name and he slips through the cracks and is adopted abroad.

Sadly, this doesn't surprise me There are many orphanages in Korea, and I have heard that quite a number of the kids in the orphanages aren't actually orphans. If a couple gets divorced here, it is seen as shameful for someone to have children while looking for another partner, so parents who have gone through divorce will give up their children and put them in orphanages so they can more easily find another spouse. I can only imagine what kind of damage this kind of situation does to a child

And considering there are companies who will bring over women from Southeast Asia to marry Korean men, where these companies are not honest about what the woman will be entering into (many of these relationships end in domestic abuse), I can only imagine what the child placement services are like