Parents vs Non-Parents?

[Peppergirl]

Control Your Kids!

To summarize, this is a blog of a conservative that I read from time-to-time. It recounts his recent experience in a grocery store in which a woman was saddled with a misbehaving child, and the reactions various shoppers (one in particular) had to it.

At the risk of sounding wishy-washy, I see both sides of this.

On one hand, people DO have to shop and kids are going to have melt downs occasionally. I'm pretty tolerant of the occasional badly behaved kid in a grocery or other kid-friendly place.

But, I'm of the school of thought that if I am going to a non-child friendly restaurant and there is a child melting down, and the parents have decided to use this particular moment as a teaching 'life lesson' for their child, and not REMOVE them from the dining area, I have EVERY RIGHT to be frustrated and pissed off at this.

When my kids were growing up, (I had one well behaved and one not-so-much) we went to kid friendly places, or we stayed home unless we had someone to watch them. There's no way I'd take my kid to, say, Morton's or something and simply SIT there while he screamed and threw a fit. And this seems to be what so many parents do nowadays.

Some of the comments are jawdropping on both sides.

[bex1218]

Being a cashier at hellgreens, I see it all. I usually comment "Well, someone is not happy" when I hear a child screaming across the store.

There is only a few times where I would talk to my coworker after something I believe horrid has happened. This little boy looked like he had an allergic reaction to something. So, thus, he was being fussy and misbehaved a little. Mom was screaming and cursing at him. And said "I hope your dad gets custody of you". I still minded my own damned business.

[anakhouri]

It entirely depends on the behavior of the parents.

If the parent is ignoring their child or screaming/cursing/threatening the child, I will be angry. It is not fair to the kid or the other shoppers.

If the parent looks worn out and is trying to hurry, or is trying to calm the child, I have more sympathy. We all have those days. I would never say something judgemental to someone in this situation, because I have been there.

It seems in many of these debates there is the PRO-CHILD and the ANTI-CHILD sides at war, while most of us are really in the middle.

[Andara Bledin]

And said "I hope your dad gets custody of you". I still minded my own damned business.

Wow. If I'd heard that from someone as you describe, I'd have to tell the woman that I do, too. >_>

It seems in many of these debates there is the PRO-CHILD and the ANTI-CHILD sides at war, while most of us are really in the middle.

I don't like kids in general. But I don't dislike them, either. Their parents, on the other hand...

I've witnessed quite a few parents who were proactively doing the parenting thing and making an effort to correct their kids behavior. If opportunity presents, I thank them for doing so.

Then there are the 'parents' who just drag their whole family around with them on every little errand and then get pissed off because the 4 year old is getting into trouble during the dry cycle at the laundromat because mommy dearest couldn't manage to think ahead enough to bring something for them to do. >_<

[anakhouri]

That's what I meant. Most people are sympathetic to parents who are trying and justly annoyed by those who don't bother.

But in Internet comments it always boils down to the extremists being the most vocal, so you have the people who think children should be allowed everywhere at any time, versus the people who think children should be locked in the cellar until they are adults. The rest of us are drowned out.

[bex1218]

Wow. If I'd heard that from someone as you describe, I'd have to tell the woman that I do, too. >_>

Work ruins that. Even then, I am a non confrontational person.

[Peppergirl]

But in Internet comments it always boils down to the extremists being the most vocal, so you have the people who think children should be allowed everywhere at any time, versus the people who think children should be locked in the cellar until they are adults. The rest of us are drowned out.

This.

Maybe I'm just so shocked by the comments because I'd never seen anything like this before. I'd always heard there was a huge 'parents vs non-parents' thing out there, but I've frankly never cared enough to check it out.

Some of them are pretty extreme on both sides.

[Rageaholic]

Sounds like the commenter was a bit of a douche. I HATE screaming kids in public with a passion, but it's not the parents fault.

[Andara Bledin]

One thing that all of us who consider ourselves "reasonable" should do is make a point to speak up every time we have an opportunity and do what little we can to increase the signal to noise ratio and let other moderate individuals know that they aren't as outnumbered as it appears.

I self-identify with several groups that are often represented in comments lists by some really unpleasant individuals and I've made it my duty as a member of some groups to let the rest of the world know that they're not what the groups are about.

That includes assholes without kids who can't manage to see a kid who isn't perfectly behaved without frothing at the mouth.

[Peppergirl]

Sounds like the commenter was a bit of a douche. I HATE screaming kids in public with a passion, but it's not the parents fault.

Sorry, it sometimes is. A lot of times, actually.

[cindybubbles]

This is why I always ask the parent if the screaming child is OK. You never know these days...

[IDrinkaRum]

As a parent with a child with autism, mine can have a meltdown at any time, for any reason.

Usually because she becomes obsessive about something and then focuses all attention to whatever it is she thinks she needs. I have to keep explaining to her, but the more you mention it, the more she wants it. So I will talk about other things. I get looks from others. I will tell her to stop being rude. Or that she's hurting Mommy's/Daddy's ears/feelings/etc.

Also, she has SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). She doesn't like the sound of people chewing gum. The /sound/ of it hurts her ears. Yesterday, we were at the dry cleaners and someone in front of us was chewing gum. I told her to not to look at the woman and to keep her eyes on her iPod touch. It helped.

I've been forced to buy her noise cancelling earphones and have her wear them with her iPod or CD player playing so she doesn't hear people sneezing (she's been known to attack me, husband, my parents when we sneeze), or babies and toddlers up to the age of three (3) crying (their crying usually reduces her to curling up in a ball (or trying to become a part of me) and crying herself).

Then there is my clothing. I cannot wear one of my favorite dresses around her anymore. It makes her itchy. I wear the thing, and it itches her. At any given time, no matter where, she might tell me that my clothes itch her. Which will send her into a screeching fit because I can't undress in public.

[protege]

Sorry, it sometimes is. A lot of times, actually.

Yep. I live across the street from a kid who *loves* to scream. If his mom tells him to do something, he'll start screaming his head off. Last night, he got called inside for dinner, and lost it. Not content with being loud, he went upstairs, and started pounding on his bedroom window. Not the frame...but the glass

Keep in mind that I was in my basement, had the windows closed up...and could still hear him Then his dad started--F this, F that, F you in particular... With a role model like that, no wonder he screams. As for his mom, she was yelling at him as well.

Things didn't stop there. Their next-door neighbor came out, and said something along the lines of "Thanks for keeping me up, asshole" to the kid, and to his mom "Laura, shut your damn kid up, or I'll do it for you..."

3 years of this crap, and I can *definitely* blame the parents. They spoil the hell out of that kid, don't discipline him, and then can't understand why he is like that. Still, at least the weather will turn cold soon, and he won't be playing outside for much longer

[Andara Bledin]

If I had a family like that near me... I'd start calling the cops on the screaming, claiming concern that something bad had happened. >_>

[hinakiba777]

My mom always likes to go on about how I was a perfect child. And my dad has this really good story about how the one time I almost had a tatrum, he prevented it by asking me question. In some cases it works for parents, other times it doesn't. However, I have very little memory of being a kid as a whole. I do know that there is a video of me at my 8th birthday practically having a meltdown over my mom buying me something I told explicitly I did not want. (Ironically i would ROCK that outfit as an adult.) Anyway, I think most older parents have a bit of a selective memory with their kids. If the kid was generally well behaved, it's easy to remember a few meltdowns when they were toddlers.

My reaction to children having tantrums depends on the location, time, and my mood. However, I do my best not to judge the parents. Sometimes a kid is just thirsty, or warm, or tired, or something; and it's just impossible to prevent an implosion. Plus other factors could be playing into it. Still there are moments where a kid is getting into the LONG cry/whine/tantrum, where I can't help but think the parent needs to take a pause to get them out of the place.

I recall one time at a grocery store/ big box store where this kid starts a chain reaction of meltdowns through the store with other kids. I don't know if the noise bugged them, or what, but it went from one little boy having a tantrum to what seemed like 20 screaming kids staggered throughout the store. It was hell. I'm happy I didn't work there.