women demonizing women who like themselves

[Food Lady]

We've been taught by the media or society to hate ourselves, to feel we're not good enough as far as appearance goes. Sometimes women outgrow that insecure stage and sometimes they get stuck, never able to like anything about themselves. I escaped that stage of my life. Now, I am nowhere near perfect nor could I model. There are quite a few physical characteristics I'm not crazy about. But I have grown to like one thing I used to hate: my hair. I'm actively growing it to see how long it will grow. I also post a lot of pictures on my facebook because my friends like to see all the vintage styles I do. (I have a penchant for the 1920s and 1930s and I actually use the same methods they did 80 or so years ago. It's work--but fun for me--and people like to see the results).

This brings me to today's incident. I had seen an ad for hair extensions on fb and had commented that my hair was long enough that I didn't need to spend money on them, that a person can achieve that by ignoring the advice to trim every 6 weeks as the stylists tell you to. I'm working off the premise that every trim I've had has been at least half an inch, and that's going to take away all 6 weeks' worth of growth, ensuring my length stays the same. Well, some woman jumped down my throat about how not everyone can have hair as good as mine (I'm guessing sarcasm) and that I should get off my "high horse" and "get over myself". I obviously struck a raw nerve by daring to like one thing about me. I can only assume she looked at my pictures; my fb is public. [Please no lectures on that; there is actually a reason why I have it that way, which is another discussion. I do know it will attract this kind of behavior, and I expect it.] Her response was so reactive that another lady felt the need to defend me.

I've had this reaction from a roommate also. She was the type who didn't spend any time on appearance and also didn't like herself, so when I would take the time to blowdry my hair, she accused me of being vain. It literally made her angry. She admitted later it was because of her insecurity. And that is what fuels the cattiness: the insecurity. It's about the insecure person, who is projecting.

I tell you, I am tired of being the target. I refuse to apologize for liking something about me. In fact, I like quite a few things as well as I accept other things I don't like and move on. I wish everyone could do that.

[BlaqueKatt]

I get the cattyness from the other side.

"I wish *I* could just let myself go, and not care what I look like"
(being "normal" for me is apparently "letting myself go"-newsflash, I've always been this way)

"it must be easy to not care about your appearance"
(well yes, as long as you don't allow the negative comments to bother you, it does take some effort to ignore though.)

"A little make up would do wonders for you"
(erm, no, it makes me itchy and self conscious, which is why I don't wear it, also I WORK IN AN OIL REFINERY)

no one's ever happy with someone doing things different than they do.

[AccountingDrone]

Eh. I have enough health issues that I have about a third of the hair I did in 1990. I know damned well that back in 1990 that my hair at the nape of my neck, when braided was almost 2 inches in diameter. Now when braided, it is barely an inch in diameter. Yet, I still was happy with it being down to my butt, even though it trailed off into a pitying thinnness at the ends. [I have actually chopped it off to just above bra length, as that was where my braid more or less started to thin down considerably - so now it is more or less the same thickness to the bottom right now. I am planning on letting it grow out again ]

I think I hadn't trimmed my hair for about 9 years to get it that long, but it was snapping off because I had been using the usual chemically laced shampoos even though I never bothered coloring or temperature torturing my hair. About 2 years ago I started using just plain Dr Bronners hemp and tea tree oil soap and I feel the condition of my hair has improved a thousand percent - it no longer breaks and doesn't have that crunchy sound when rolled around in ones hands. I love playing with my hair - I actually found online that the hairstyle of the Vestals had been more or less figured out, and when it gets back down to my lower back I am planning on making a Vestal outfit for SCA purposes and training Rob in how to do the hairstyle so I can go to events as a Vestal =)

[Aragarthiel]

My hair is one thing about myself that I've pretty much always loved. It's shoulder-length right now and the last 4" or so curl, so it looks funky unless I put it in a ponytail, but when it grows down to about my bellybutton, the weight keeps it from curling and it's wonderful. I don't usually even blow-dry it, because it makes my hair frizzy.

As for the women who get mad at you for loving something about yourself, they're just jealous that they can't find something about themselves to love. Best to just ignore them.

[Andara Bledin]

no one's ever happy with someone doing things different than they do.

No. What they're not happy with is themselves.

As mentioned in the OP, they're so deeply unhappy with themselves, that they have to resort to being bitchy to other women as a prop to distract themselves from their own insecurity.

[Sarah Valentine]

Before I cut my hair it was just about to my ass and people were saying that it's too long and I need to cut it, after I had it cut people were saying that I should've left it long and what the hell did I do to my hair and other crap. I don't get why people get so pissed about other people's hair or makeup, it's not like I'm gonna force them to get their hair cut like mine or take off all their makeup.

[Andara Bledin]

I suspect part of it is living vicariously through you. They can't or won't do what it takes to have that long hair, so they sort of mentally co-opt yours to fulfill that desire.

[HYHYBT]

Or it's different people. People are more likely to say something about what they don't like than what they do like; it would make sense that those who were vocal about not liking the old style would now be quiet, while those who did, but said nothing, would speak up now that it's changed.

[Rageaholic]

My theory: "us vs them" bullshit. They think that anyone who does things different than them must be against them. As if it's impossible to choose differently without forcing your choice on everyone.