Izabel Laxamana Suicide and Public Shaming

[Rageaholic]

Story here.

Her father posted a public shaming punishment video of him cutting her hair before she jumped off the bridge. Now everyone on the internet is debating over how much blame should be placed on her father.

What's interesting is that the officer investigating this says that the father didn't upload the video. It was uploaded by a third party. There's also some talk about him making her wear boys clothes and trying to get her kicked off student council, but that's just from entertainment news sites so I don't know how credible it is.

Personally, I think the father sounds like a real bastard and I think very little of parents who use public shaming. There's no way to tell if his video contributed to the suicide and I fully believe in innocent until proven guilty. However, if they can prove the father uploaded it, couldn't he face charges for that? Same thing for the third party, if they're identified as the people who uploaded this.

[Aragarthiel]

I suspect she may have had other issues, nobody jumps off a bridge just because they got their hair cut off, even with the humiliation afterward. Even at 13, when every girl feels the pressure to be "perfect," there are PLENTY of styles for short hair that look amazing! I had to make it through my last year of high school while struggling with trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) and it sucked. My family couldn't afford anything to help cover it up, and yes, I was ridiculed for my bald patches, even sitting at a group of four of the LONG lunch tables (able to seat about 40 people) completely by myself. My now-mother-in-law bought me a wig so I could go to prom and graduate without worries, but never once did I consider suicide over it (and I have a history of depression).

I'd almost guarantee that she had some sort of mental health issue that nobody had noticed.

[Andara Bledin]

First: The father in this case is NOT guilty of public shaming.

The video in question was for her to be able to reference as an aid for her to not do whatever she did again.

A third party is the one who put the video up on YouTube.

Second: According to the investigators, her suicide likely isn't directly related to the video or her dad having punished her but is part of a larger problem she had of which the video and punishment may or may not be part of.

Ultimately, this is a sad story that will just make a lot of people really upset for all the wrong reasons.

[Rageaholic]

I don't know. How did they determine that the father didn't post the video? It sounds very fishy to me which is why I'm still open to the possibility that he really did post it.

I do agree that the video was probably not why she killed herself, but it couldn't have helped.

[Ginger Tea]

It does beg the question of how did this unknown 3rd party get the video.

[Andara Bledin]

Considering the lack of any detail about the poster of the video other than "they thought they were helping" my guess is that it's likely another minor, potentially a sibling or friend.

The fact that they know the motivation behind it being posted leads me to believe they not only know who did it but have spoken to that person.

[Greenday]

There's clearly a lot of details we are missing. Suicide is not a spontaneous decision. What had she done to get punished in the first place? This clearly wasn't her first time getting in trouble.

[HYHYBT]

However, if they can prove the father uploaded it, couldn't he face charges for that? Same thing for the third party, if they're identified as the people who uploaded this.

Setting aside, just for the moment, what really did happen to look at an interesting hypothetical, charged with what? Especially the third party. Suicide is not a reasonably expected result of having an embarrassing video posted online.

[s_stabeler]

off the top of my head, harassment comes to mind.

oh, and while her father may not have uploaded the video, I can guess at what (roughly) probably caused the suicide. She was (apparently) being bullied at school. her father cut off her hair for reasons that aren't given ( just that she "got messed up") and got bullied worse after her hair got cut off. the bullying was what probably caused the suicide. It also doesn't help that at 13, kids can be somewhat melodramatic. It's probably the case that she felt that her father didn't care about her- or that her father was juts going to be like the bullies- and that the only escape she had was to kill herself.

as an aside, I would roundly criticize the father even if he didn't publish the video. Why? because he presumably knew she was being bullied, and yet he gave her a punishment that would just give her more to be bullied about- and, indeed, would hurt worse, since he had already ground into her that it was her fault her hair got cut off.

[Andara Bledin]

She was (apparently) being bullied at school.

I'm too tired to really correct all of what's wrong in this post and just focus on this; she wasn't being bullied at school.

Basically, a massive amount of whatever has been reported about this was either made up by random people online or is being confused with other cases of teen suicides.

As it stands, the dad didn't publicly shame her, she wasn't bullied at school, and the cops are frustrated with the case because so many people who claim to have information didn't even know the girl to begin with.

Article at NY Daily News

[s_stabeler]

I'll point out that if there is that much misinformation going around, then it is far from clear she wasn't beign bullied- ESPECIALLY since in my experience, a LOT of people don't bother noticing. ( I'm speaking as someone who got bullied as a kid.)

So yeah, I'm sorry, but until there is more proof to the contrary, it makes too much sense if she was being bullied. Oh, I'm not saying the book should be thrown at the dad without proof it was his fault- but I AM saying that IF she was bullied, it makes far too much sense.

[Rageaholic]

I'll point out that if there is that much misinformation going around, then it is far from clear she wasn't beign bullied- ESPECIALLY since in my experience, a LOT of people don't bother noticing. ( I'm speaking as someone who got bullied as a kid.)

So yeah, I'm sorry, but until there is more proof to the contrary, it makes too much sense if she was being bullied. Oh, I'm not saying the book should be thrown at the dad without proof it was his fault- but I AM saying that IF she was bullied, it makes far too much sense.

Even snopes is looking into this. There's a google plus post she posted in August of last year,

I feel hated most of the time im in school i feel looked down on and i get judged alot…. But what keeps me going is people like kian who have gone through the same thing as me… In a school with so many people its weird to say “i feel alone” but the truth is that you really do feel alone. So thanks for everything kian….

This was in response to some video. It doesn't specifically say bullying, but getting judged and looked down by everyone isn't much better.

[s_stabeler]

The point is that if she was already feeling alone, then the hair incident may have pushed her over the edge into deciding to kill herself. It's more a cautionary tale about using punishments that are designed around humiliation- using them in a situation where somebody is already feeling isolated can push them over the edge. ( I'm not saying you should let someone off without a punishment out of fear of them killing themselves. I am saying- and this applies to less extreme situations as well- that it is a good idea make sure a punishment won't have disproportionate consequences.)

[Gilhelmi]

There's clearly a lot of details we are missing. Suicide is not a spontaneous decision. What had she done to get punished in the first place? This clearly wasn't her first time getting in trouble.

I disagree, I know of a First Sargent who one day, after a routine patrol, said F*** this S*** and shot himself with his rifle. No one saw it coming, some even said that thinking back, they could not remember a single warning sign.

I could see her crossing a bridge and making a spontaneous decision.

Might be spontaneous, might not be, I lack sufficient information.

I agree, there are a lot of details missing. And my trust of the media is almost null, so I do not trust that the "facts" given are true or greatly exaggerated.

[Greenday]

I disagree, I know of a First Sargent who one day, after a routine patrol, said F*** this S*** and shot himself with his rifle. No one saw it coming, some even said that thinking back, they could not remember a single warning sign.

I highly doubt he up and decided to just kill himself for no reason. Something had to have been going on for him to make that decision. It doesn't matter if there were warning signs. No one saw any warning signs when I went through a fit of depression. Everyone thought I was perfectly happy. You become good at hiding it so you don't bring other people down.