Dead baby photos on FB

[bainsidhe]

I have to ask, is it now a "thing" to post memes of dead babies on FB? For example, a baby that died immediately after birth is dressed up and then posed with Santa for a family photo, and then strangers around the world share this photo describing the family's last moments with baby.

While the photos are as tastefully done as I suppose photos like this could be, I don't think it's cute, and I don't find it endearing. This is a family's dead child. I find it disturbing and am squikked out by it.

Am I the only one bothered by this?

[HYHYBT]

Ew.

If I understand right, a hundred or so years ago, people would take photos at funerals of the deceased in the coffin; because photography wasn't as cheap and widespread as it would become, often this was the only photo of them they'd have. I could see taking a photo of your dead baby to keep if you never had a chance to get one of them alive, but posing a corpse with Santa and sharing it around is a bit much.

[the_std]

In the time of unimaginable grief and sorrow that follows the death of your child, the rational responses stop making any sense at all. The grief process may dictate strange ways of getting through it, which could mean celebrating the life you had imagined for your darling child as a way to gain closure on the fact that that life will no longer happen. In this case, milestone moments (such as taking photos with Santa) may help bring finality catharsis to the distraught parents.

Grief is a messy, complicated emotion and process. There are no right or wrong answers because they change from person to person. What is seen as gross or disgusting to some may be exactly what the grieving need to take the next step in their healing process.

While I would personally rather not see those photos, as I don't have the life context to see them as something worth sharing beyond a close circle of supportive people, I always remember that the person going through them is experience a kind of mental torture that must be dealt with in often-esoteric ways. Then I am flooded with compassion and sympathy for that person, and try to focus on their attempts to heal, rather than the subject matter of the photo.

I will put in a disclaimer here that, of course this can be taken too far, that a grieving parent may be so overcome with their emotions that they cross a line, or they don't let go of the grief as they move through the stages, and it can progress into new mental illnesses or issues. They are few and far between, however, so I doubt that the majority of the photos you see posted to Facebook come from this source.

[BlaqueKatt]

Grief is a messy, complicated emotion and process. There are no right or wrong answers because they change from person to person. What is seen as gross or disgusting to some may be exactly what the grieving need to take the next step in their healing process.

I have a few friends on fb that have recently suffered a pregnancy loss, they posted photos from the hospital. I had no issue with it as my mindset is this:

So we're fine with sharing the joys of someone's life, and the first photos of newborn children are celebrated, why should those in grief be forced shamefully into a corner when they truly *need* the support, just because some people have an irrational fear/dislike of something that everyone goes through eventually.

Seriously, do we just say "we only want to share positives with you, don't bum us out, it's icky" is that what a friend does?

We shared in the joy of your pregnancy, but because it ended you go hide in the corner and we'll just pretend this never happened, come back when you're happy again.

^this is how society seems to me to treat pregnancy loss, no one talks about it, the families are left to grieve alone as though they did something wrong.


When I was pregnant, one of my bosses went on maternity leave, her son was stillborn. Out of 45 employees I was the only person* who acknowledged he even existed when she came back, no one talked about it. It was awful for her because 4 of us were at various stages of pregnancy. It's like burying them twice.

*My oldest brother was stillborn, and my mother spoke of him often, for me it wasn't awkward because of how I was raised.

[bainsidhe]

I think I should clarify. I don't have a problem with the family themselves having these photos created. Grief is a deeply personal thing and if they find solace in taking such photos, I gladly wish these families the best.

The posts I'm referring to are from my own friends and family, that find a photo elsewhere on the web and decide to "share" it on FB. They don't know this family, they're just posting about them. I think they believe the photos are comforting and sweet. I don't.

[Kheldarson]

I think they believe the photos are comforting and sweet. I don't.

That's fine. But sometimes people share them for other reasons. One I shared recently was about a family who brought a picture of their little one to sit on Santa's lap. Their child would've been a year old.

Santa didn't ask questions. He simply took the picture and did the shoot.

Then gave the family a full set of shots for free.

The story reminds me of the generosity we need to show others during the year, the sympathy, the compassion. That's why I shared it.

[Greenday]

why should those in grief be forced shamefully into a corner when they truly *need* the support, just because some people have an irrational fear/dislike of something that everyone goes through eventually.

Seriously, do we just say "we only want to share positives with you, don't bum us out, it's icky" is that what a friend does?

We shared in the joy of your pregnancy, but because it ended you go hide in the corner and we'll just pretend this never happened, come back when you're happy again.

That's not at all the issue. People are always welcome to garner sympathy after tragic events. But posting a picture of dead bodies is a whole different level.

[Ghel]

A fellow I dated briefly is a photographer. Among other things, he volunteers for a service that takes pictures of stillborn or miscarried babies, then photoshops the pictures (often converting them to black and white or sienna and white) so that the parents have "pretty" pictures of their lost babies. For those who that sort of thing is a comfort, I support it.

I'm not sure I feel the same way about unshopped pictures, however. Never having lost a child, I don't really have an opinion.