Having a friend that won't grow up.

[jackfaire]

I have a friend that back in college we had a thing for each other. Then I left went into the Army bulked and came out no longer being her "type" she likes skinny little skater boy types.

The thing is me, my friends, the women I date, etc we grew up. She never moved out of her parents house and lives there to this day with her three daughters and still acts much like she did back when we were in college. Even to the point that all of her relationships are based not on who she likes as a person but who gets her panties wet.

Like me she's in her mid-30s. She had a disastrous marriage with an abusive guy that ended and she's still chasing guys only on looks.

I am going with her to house sit a friend of her's house this week because she doesn't feel safe being in the house alone. She called it "Playing at adulting" And she is flirting with a married guy like it's no bigger a deal than flirting with a guy with a girlfriend when you're 16.

I bring this up because I used to really be in love with her. Like I could see a future with her. I recognized a while ago that those feelings had faded to pretty much deep affection but I would still get angry with her in ways that seemed like jealousy to me which was weird given that I couldn't see wanting to be with her.

Then I realized it was just the immaturity it was the fact that she's my oldest friend in the world.

She's the only friend that knew me before I was married and divorced. She's the only person that knew me before my dad died. Before my brother cut off all communication before my other brother did the same. She's the only one left from that time in my life other than my mom.

And every time I see her do something that screams "I am still mentally 16" it pisses me off because it feels like "You're supposed to be here where I am. You were supposed to grow up too"

Instead hanging out with her often feels like revisiting High School.

[mjr]

Don't look for her to change. I've known people like this, too. If she's got 3 kids, and still lives at home because of immaturity issues, she's likely not going to change.

How old was she when she married? How old was she when she had her first kid? A lot of that may factor in.

[s_stabeler]

I can think of a couple of possibilities, but for either option, she really needs to get help.
1. abusers tend to try to keep their victims as dependant on them as possible- as such, it probably hasn't helped her grow up, and/or any growing up previously could have regressed.
2. there may be an actual mental illness at play. I'll be blunt and say that in my opinion, she still sees herself as a child ( hence "playing at adulting") and until she accepts she is an adult, she won't grow up.