Something is wrong with me...

[DrFaroohk]

Hooked up with the girl of my dreams about 18 months ago...things were great.

Things are still great. We get along awesomely. Life is grand.

But I find myself now, 18 months later, starting to become just a tiny bit....pissy...about things. I guess that's the word for it.

We started out as co-workers...when our relationship was discovered, one of us had to leave. I left. I gave up my job so she could keep hers.

I transferred to a different store. When the bigwigs found out her mother worked at that one, they once again cried nepotism and said one of us had to leave. I left. I gave up my job so she could keep hers.

While I wouldn't call it a career by any means, I had become quite into music at one point, which I gave up, because (long story, actually) she found the music to be offensive.

We both agreed we didn't want any children right away. Shortly after hooking up, she "Forgot" her birth control, and now we have a kid. Don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful little girl and I love her right to death, but sometimes she feels like just too much to take on...like I just wasn't ready, and I wish we had waited.

Everything...even down to the cats. I was happy with ZERO cats in the house. Now we have 3. I'm covered in scratches all the time.

I don't even know what I'm really talking about. I just wish "mine" would come in sometime, ya know? It seems like every decision is hers. Everything favors her. And that's great, I'm totally willing to make sacrifices for my wife, that's part of what marriage is about...ya know what I mean?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, here's something about having children. You're never really ready. You just do the best you can. I've been married almost 20 years and actually wanted children, and it was still a huge thing to adjust to.

About your give and take with your wife. Like I said, I"ve been married to the same man for almost 20 years. We have a good relationship. We talk a lot. You should talk to your wife about how you feel. Don't get mad, don't accuse her of anything. Just talk openly to her, invite her to talk openly to you, and air out the resentment. Resentment can kill a relationship. You have to weed it out and do what you must to avoid it. Tell your wife if you feel like you're not being treated fairly. I'm sure she does not want her husband to feel unhappy or unappreciated.

If you are holding up your end of the relationship, you are probably going to feel like you are the one doing 75 percent of the work and sacrifice. Yes, you read that right. You should feel like you are doing most of it. Relationships are hard. You should be working your butt off. But just hear me out before you dismiss this as me telling you to just eat it. I'm not doing that.

I bet you do a lot of things, or sacrifice a lot of things, that she's not even aware of. You just do it and don't make a big deal of it, and she never knows you did it. Right? That's good. That is how it should be. Just keep this in mind: She's probably doing, and thinking, the exact same thing. We really don't know, or appreciate, a large portion of what our partner is doing to make our lives work. This is how fights happen. You resent the fact that it seems like youi're doing all the effort, you blow up, and she sees you as the villian because she knows SHE'S been doing all this stuff, too, and not making a big deal over it. I hope that made sense.

[Slytovhand]

My ex and I had an issue like this. It got resolved when she read an advice column in one of those magazines. Basically, as RK said it. We translated it into... she speaks French, I speak Russian. "J'taime" is just a bunch of sounds to me, just as much as "Ya lublyu tu" is just a bunch of sounds to her... but to each of us, what we say is how we say it... and if we don't hear those words back to us, we don't feel like the other person really does love us. I like vanilla ice-cream. She likes chocolate. It don't work if all she ever gives me is chocolate, and all I ever give her is vanilla... even though that's what we prefer.

I agree also with RK... talk to her. In my more idealistic worldview, it makes no sense to me to be married to a person you can't be completely honest and open with. Why would you marry someone whom you have to keep secrets from? With that logic, you'd have to be expecting her to be keeping them from you, too. Similarly, they've got to be wanting to listen to how you feel (and vice versa).

So, the only thing 'wrong' with you, is that you haven't spoken up, and therefore feel invalidated and taken for granted. And that's a fairly normal human thing for anyone!