Possibly the most annoying thing ever....

[DrFaroohk]

You're expecting someone to show up. Maybe a guest, maybe a ride, whatever.

They call you.

"Hey dude I'm on my way over, headin' out the door and grabbing my keys as we speak."


9 hours later, you discover that "heading out the door" actually meant "on my way to denny's", followed by "went to see a movie" and then "decided to hang out at the mall" and then "had to watch the football game" and finally "decided to sit and stare at the wall".

[Boozy]

Your friends suck, man. Find some new ones.

[LadyBarbossa]

Your friends suck, man. Find some new ones.

Agreed. I thought you were going to say something about them heading out the door when they were scheduled to be there.

[Slytovhand]

Your friends suck, man. Find some new ones.

Ditto! (and damn, need more letters to post)

[kiwi]

I don't mind if people are going to be late, as long as they CALL ME and let me know.

I once had two friends to meet one day, one shopping at 9am then lunch with another at 1pm in the city 30 minutes bus ride away so I had to leave at 12:15 at the latest.

9am comes
9:30am comes
10am comes

the whole time Im texting my friend and shes always just "5 minutes away" finally at 10:30 she arrives and then gets REALLY pissy when at noon I go to leave.... because we have only had an hour and a half of shopping and she came ALL THIS WAY...

never mind that I had waited an hour and a half for her (well I shopped but still). Needless to say I never waited for her again, if she was late I carried on with my day and we no longer keep in touch! The reason she was late was that she didnt feel like catching the bus and didnt bother to ask her mum until 5 minutes before she needed to leave if she could drive her out.... her mum said no but she could in an hour... did my friend TELL me that ...oh no god forbid.

5-15 minutes late can't be helped sometimes, traffic or catching a lot of red lights or a late bus are all out of your control... anything over 15 minutes without a call raises my hackles

[the_std]

People breaking plans with me is one of my biggest pet peeves and one of the easiest ways to make me angry. And the worst one, for me, is people who say they're picking you up at, say, 9am, but only start leaving their house at 9am. My father is notorious for this, so I always mentally add at least half an hour to the time he tells me, and even then, it really ticks me off.

I'm always straight-forward with people when they've pissed me off like that, because if I don't, it's apt to happen over and over again. And there is no faster way to lose my friendship than to be loose with my time. I have better things to be doing than sitting and waiting for you, thanks, inconsiderate jackass.

I will add that I don't mind extenuating circumstances or things that can't be avoided, as long as they make an effort to try to contact me. Life gets in the way sometimes, and I understand that.

[blas87]

HALLEFUCKINGLUJAH!!!!

My boyfriend doesn't understand this at all. Well, nearly every guy I've ever dated has never understood this. In general, I just hate people who always fly by the seat of their pants and never have a real plan about what to do. People like that are notorious for being late or even worse, blowing people off.

Of course, he does have ADD, so he gets a little slack for not being completely ready when I come to get him.

But what I ABSOLUTELY HATE HATE HATE is trying to make plans with people, and they say "We'll see what happens" or "I don't know" when I ask what time we should meet up or what movie showing we should go to, etc etc etc. You know, not everything is open 24/7. Not everyone in the world can live this way. Really, truly....I have no issue with running into an old friend at the mall and then going out to a random dinner or party....but I CANNOT live my entire life not knowing what to do and living just for the very second. It's too freakin difficult and I cannot stand people who always do that. THAT is how plans get broken, that is how people get blown off....

And the worst part of all is when people think it's "no big deal" when they went by the seat of their pants and did something else and blew you off, or were so late that you couldn't do anything together, or what you originally wanted to do together.

[Slytovhand]

I fall into the first of Blas' categories, but not the second. I'm a "let's see what happens" type of guy, but once the plan has been made, then the plan has been made! And 9:00 is 9:00... not 11:00.

we no longer keep in touch!

Doesn't surprise me at all. Sounds like the sort of person who couldn't be bothered giving you enough respect to pull their finger out to be on time, is the sort of person can't be bothered going out of their way to keep your friendship. I've known too many like that (known... as in, past tense).

One of the biggest griefs I had with my ex was about this concept. I'd say "Not sure, let's see how things pan out", and then stick with what gets decided. She'd say "Let's do X", but then not have a problem breaking it, or being late or whatever. I'd rather be indecisive than a liar! (No, if you knew from the beginning you weren't going to make it, then why did you even bother saying 'yes' in the first place???)

[smileyeagle1021]

I used to have a friend like that... he'd do worse, he'd call and ask what I was doing, I'd mention something like just waiting for a bus, I was thinking of going to a restaurant in the south valley... he'd say, "oh great, I've wanted to try there, you're on the way, I'll pick you up"... so the bus I could have taken comes and goes, he still hasn't shown up, I call he swears he's on his way... second bus that I could have taken comes and goes... I call again, he swears he's on his way. He finally shows up after the third bus I could have taken comes and goes, says that he's sorry, but he had to stop and help his aunt on his way over (and never though it was worthwhile to tell me this) and oh by the way, do I mind if we make a quick stop on the way, and by quick stop that doesn't mean something truly quick like stopping for gas, or dropping mail at the post office, this is dropping off a computer to be repaired at a repair shop the opposite direction of where I was heading... so his friendly gesture to save me time ended up with me not getting to the restaurant until the time I could be almost home if I had just taken the bus.

[Slytovhand]

Add to that, Smiley, when you do finally get there, either the place is closed, he decides he doesn't have the time to, or he's stuffed you around so much, you don't have the time or patience to go eat there anyway!! grrr!

That's why I prefer doing things on my own (granted, that's just a mental block I've got hanging over from my father who would do stuff like that! I never could rely on him to do what he said he would... which left me hanging).

[Boozy]

But what I ABSOLUTELY HATE HATE HATE is trying to make plans with people, and they say "We'll see what happens" or "I don't know" when I ask what time we should meet up or what movie showing we should go to, etc etc etc.

In my experience, when someone says something like "Let's see how things work out", what they really mean is "I don't want to pin myself down to that because a better offer may come along."

Unless it happens every single time you suggest anything, don't take it personally. If I suggest a movie to my husband and he says "We'll see", it just means he's not into the movie I suggested. He's still into me.

[Slytovhand]

I made a meditation cd. I'd worked on it for quite a while, as it has a few different techniques combined from a few different things I'd done. I needed testers to make sure it could do what I wanted. I asked for volunteers, and stressed that it needed committment from them (only 3x a day for 3 straight days... at less than 15 minutes a sitting). I also stressed that if they couldn't commit, then please don't waste my time... but I need 1 thing answered.

To date, of the 20 or so people who said they'd give it a go, not one has given me an answer that I need to hear (either a yes or no).

On top of that, there were a few ppl whom I later told this story to, and how I was pissed that people said they would commit, and ended up failing. They've then said they understand, and that they'd still like to give it a try. I told them I needed them to commit. They said yes... I'm still waiting to hear from them....

I'm even more pissed now! I have a great trouble trusting a person when they say they are going to do something. I don't actually believe it til it happens, and I try not to let my life revolve around relying on that... I'm not going to waste effort and energy on that.

[Sylvia727]

GRAWR!!! This irritates me like no other. I understand that when you're making plans for large groups of people, it's hard to find a time that works or a restaurant that nobody actively hates. So we'll say things like "we're aiming for five pm" and if somebody gets held up at work, we'll go to the six pm showing. Or we'll say that "the working plan is <Steakhouse>" but whoops, it's a Friday in Lent or the vegetarian decided to join us so we're going to the <Pancake House> instead. Stuff happens, you plan around it and let folks know things aren't set in stone. But for heaven's sake, if we're "aiming for five", don't play around on your Xbox until five thirty. And if eight people have finally-- FINALLY!-- agreed on a restaurant and you want to tag along at the last second, don't object to the restaurant. The rest of us already sat through the first round.

When I make plans, I show up on time. Always. I've been late only a handful of times in my life. Either I know the area well and can predict traffic patterns well enough to guess my driving time, or I mentally add half-again to my estimated time so that I arrive early. I cannot abide lateness, in myself or in others. Certain of my friends do not understand this basic concept, so I always make certain to bring a book or my DS and I plan on waiting for them. Maybe it's just my personality quirk, but somehow if I know I'll have to wait and can make provisions for it, it doesn't irritate me as much.

One of my uncles is always late for everything, so for family dinners every single other person tells him the time is an hour early. We all know what to do, and we rarely discuss it. We just work together to tell him the wrong time, and let him show up ten minutes late instead of 70 minutes late. Of course, on the off chance he's only 50 minutes late, we get to put up with him needling us about being "even later than he was!", but still, it works.

[guywithashovel]

My dad is friends with a guy, and this guy's ENTIRE FAMILY is like this. For example, they'll make plans to do something and say, "Tell you what. I'll be there sometime tomorrow morning. Maybe around 11:00. But then, they'll show up at around 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon. And the kicker is that they'll act like they are on time. They'll show up and be like, "So, you ready to start?"

One time my dad had agreed to meet with this guy to do some work around our farm. My dad went out into the fields, and this guy didn't show up. So, my dad fiddled around with some odd jobs, waiting for this guy to show up. Several hours went by, and he never came. Eventually, my dad gave up and went back in the house. He got cleaned up and sat down in front of the TV.

No sooner did he sit down, did this guy show up on his tractor, ready to get to work. My dad about hit the ceiling. The thing I wonder about is, my dad has known these people for many years, and he knows how they are, yet he still makes these kinds of plans with them.

[blas87]

Boozy, you do have a very good point, but wouldn't you consider it a little rude with the whole ulterior motive "Hmmm, let's see if something better comes along?"

I sure would. But then again, when people suggest something I'm not into, I just say "No thanks" or "I'm not into that".

I've been blown off so many times by so many different people that I figure either way is going to hurt some feelings or invoke some anger, but it's a heck of a lot easier in the longrun to just be honest. They'll get over it and give you another chance if you're just honest from the get-go, "Sorry, that's not really my thing...what else would you have in mind?" or "I'm not going to be able to make it, I'm really sorry" as compared to saying I'll go and then coming up with an excuse at the last second.