Unfairness in Marriage

[DrFaroohk]

So I've always wanted to own a monkey. Been a dream of mine since I was a little boy. Always wanted one.

Of course, I didn't want to sound like a weirdo to my wife, so I made sure that I told her I never ever wanted a monkey when we got married. Once we got married though, I figured I could drop that silly facade and hit her with the truth.

"Honey, guess what. We're getting a monkey!"

My wife said it was a bad idea. She told me how loud they are, how dirty they are, how much maintenance they required. She told me really didn't want a monkey, that it would be bad for everyone.

I decided to invoke my right to choose and bought a monkey anyway.

Uh oh! This thing is nowhere near as cool as I thought it would be! It's always loud, it yells and screeches, it jumps around all the time, it makes horrible messes, leaves fur everywhere, shits everywhere, my god it's terrible!

So now I'm not so sure I wanted this monkey. Except I can't send him back. I'm just stuck with him.

And the kicker is - my wife won't help at all with the monkey! What gives? She's my wife! We're supposed to do this stuff 50 50 and all that crap.

[powerboy]

And the kicker is - my wife won't help at all with the monkey! What gives? She's my wife! We're supposed to do this stuff 50 50 and all that crap.

She told you how it is and that she didn't want the monkey. Yet, you still bought one, with knowing the fact that you cannot send it back. Yet you want her help. You bought it, you take care of it. Some time the simplest things are the hardest things to figure out. If she wanted a monkey, then she would more likely help with it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You're right. It IS unfair that your wife now has to deal iwth a monkey she didn't want after she told you she didn't want one. Especially since she has a baby to deal with, too.

[DrFaroohk]

Interesting points of view. So basically, if the roles were reversed, you would find the same scenario unfair towards me?

[AdminAssistant]

Yes.

Besides a monkey is not an animal that should be kept as a pet. Maybe you could find a rescue organization that could take it?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Interesting points of view. So basically, if the roles were reversed, you would find the same scenario unfair towards me?

Absolutely. That's what "fair" means.

And anyways, we're not talking about a monkey, here. Are we. I think we both know what you are talking about.

You really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your wife. If you can't do that, your marriage is doomed.

Um...you DO know where babies come from, right?

[AdminAssistant]

And anyways, we're not talking about a monkey, here. Are we. I think we both know what you are talking about.

D'oh!

Yes, to use the metaphor, it takes two to tango. It's not like she could've buzzed the stork or anything like that.

[Nyoibo]

Um...you DO know where babies come from, right?

The stork leaves them in the cabbage patch?

[tabbyblack13]

Guess what DrFaroohk? You got the Monkey now you deal with it. My parents dealt with the pets the same way. My mom gets the pets then she cares for them. I will admit that it is only dogs and cats but still. If YOU want them then YOU deal with it. I wouldn't expect a SO to take care of my pets unless he was willing to. Your wife told you she didn't want one but you got one anyways. Its YOUR fault that the monkey is in the house. It looks like both of you need to talk and LISTEN to each other.

[Nyoibo]

When did this become about monkeys?

[powerboy]

I honestly thought it was always about a monkey. Consider me slow, if that is not what this is about

[DrFaroohk]

Actually it's not about my wife (she knows how I feel about the situation) as it is a society thing. It seems like men are given 100% of the responsibility and the blame, and women get to make 100% of the choices and decisions in the matter, even when it's something that the man believes has already been decided.

For those who still can't keep up, it's like this:

Women get to lie about all kinds of stuff. "Oh no honey, I don't want children EITHER. They're annoying! Of COURSE I'm on birth control! Yes I absolutely am! And even if I wasn't, I'm totally 100% in support of abortion. In fact, I have an abortion every week, I'm so in support of it."

And no one cares. No one ever calls them on their bullshit. They need to make laws against that. I think a great law would be that if a women lies about that stuff, then not only does the man not have to pay any support, but the woman has to pay the man support for bullshitting him.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Generalisations. Don't you just love them? For the record, there are lots of men who lie about stuff, too.

"Oh, I agree with you about glamour models. I love your small breasts" - right before said man dumps his girlf and runs off with a large breasted replacement.

"I'd never lie to you" - Yup, this one is crap, too.

"Of course I don't want kids!" - Men tell this lie, too. Then they get all pissy when they meet a woman who definitely does not want kids, and act as tho she's committing a terrible sin by being a woman who doesn't wish to spawn.

Believe me, women do not get to lie about stuff like that. Otherwise, that woman who got a man to donate sperm to her after promising he wouldn't have to support her, then tried to nail him with child support would have won. A lot of the time, it is accidental; birth control isn't 100%, and there are women who wouldn't want to have an abortion when it comes down to it, or perhaps they did deep down want a child but didn't dare tell their bloke cuz of his vehement refusal to even consider the idea.

Of course, any woman who does get pregnant in order to either force her boyf to stay with her, or cuz she thinks he'll come round to kids if she presents him with one, is scum of the highest order. It's very unlikely that every single woman in the world is going to approve of her actions; I certainly wouldn't.

[Boozy]

Actually it's not about my wife (she knows how I feel about the situation) as it is a society thing. It seems like men are given 100% of the responsibility and the blame, and women get to make 100% of the choices and decisions in the matter, even when it's something that the man believes has already been decided.

Since when are men powerless over what happens to their sperm?

If a man doesn't completely and utterly trust the woman he's sleeping with (to either be honest about birth control or to remain faithful) he should be using a condom.

That isn't to say I absolve women who abuse the trust of their partners and get pregnant without their consent. That's a lousy thing to do. But I refuse to say that women have "100% of the choices" here. Baloney. Birth control isn't just a woman's responsibility.

[Greenday]

Boozy, I think the main problem is that once a woman gets pregnant, even if both people are doing everything to not get pregnant (besides not having sex), the man no longer has ANY say whatsoever. None. Zilch. Nada. He can't force the woman to not have the kid or give it up for adoption. Let's say he wants to keep the kid, but the woman does not. He has no possible way to prevent her from getting an abortion or giving it up for adoption. He is effectively screwed.