Hello, did you forget my input was required here?

[TheWolfEmperor]

I'm not anti-social. I'm not ungrateful. But I value my individual agency and I do get so tired of people who decide what they will do for me, often to my face, without considering how I might feel about it.

Case 1: I was at the local Cumberalnd Farms buying my coffee. I sometimes spend the night there (not sleeping) when I have a closepen shift and I read, or work on a short story, or whatever and it's me time. Because it's down the street from where I work a lot of co-workers stop there for their coffee and what have you.

When I'm outside of the workplace, with the exception of two co-workers I consider friends, and the ones I'm related to by blood or by marriage, I am radioactive. It means leave me alone, give me my space, pretend I'm invisible.

I was in line behind a department manager who is actually quite annoying but isn't the manager of my department. He was waiting to pay for his cigarettes and lottery tickets and I was waiting to pay for my coffee. He says, "You just have a coffee? I'll get that for you."

I didn't say anything because I wasn't about to get into an argument and make the night clerk uncomfortable. So when he goes to pay for his things and tells the clerk "I'm paying for his coffee," I hold up my debit card and say, "Nope."

Plain and simple. The night clerk doesn't care either way but he rings up the DM and then rings me up. And the DM just looks at me like, How dare I reject his offer. But oh well, that's just too damn bad that I have a mind of my own and I don't appreciate people telling me what they'll do instead of asking.

[GOInsanity]

You're really that upset that someone was going to pay for your coffee? Seriously? Poor you.

[Dreamstalker]

I see your point, but I also just think the manager was just trying to do something nice.

I can completely see getting irritated when the 'decision' is something bigger (like when an SC shoves my cart in the direction they think I should go rather than where I'm actually going), but if it's a small thing that benefits you and they want to do it of their own free will what's the harm?

Sub-$1 purchases at convenience stores can be flagged as fraud (bank doesn't know what you bought, only that the card was used), it's also possible manager knew that and was trying to avoid any headaches for the store if that happened. But being nice is more plausible.

[TheWolfEmperor]

What's the harm in asking me?

I like my space and I don't need any one's charity. Buying my own coffee is a privilege I busted my balls for. Plus, I don't know if he sees it as doing me a favor, or if he thinks he's going to pressure me into something later so its best to make it clear where he stands with me.

[Tanasi]

Yeah he could have asked and not assumed that you would accept. From what you said it sounds to me like you needlessly made an enemy. Perhaps instead of just blurting out Nope just say Thank you but I can't accept. You still get what you want in a polite way. Pissing off supervisors isn't generally a smart thing to do.

[TheWolfEmperor]

Well, he's not my direct supervisor. He's just a department manager in the crafts department and they have about as much authority as a middle school hall monitor.

[Tanasi]

Then what about just being polite??? Is that too much of a burden?
Maybe the guy did over step and was seeking some sort of future hold on you, then again maybe he was just being nice. If someone holds open a door for you, do you refuse to enter?

[Cia]

If the dept manager sees himself as "an enemy" simply because TWE didn't agree to the DM's decision to buy him coffee than that DM has a severe problem.

[Tanasi]

If the dept manager sees himself as "an enemy" simply because TWE didn't agree to the DM's decision to buy him coffee than that DM has a severe problem.

I doubt that the DM thinks that, but I bet he thinks TWE is less than a nice person at best or an a-hole at worst. Either way he's gonna have to live with it.

[Cia]

I doubt that the DM thinks that, but I bet he thinks TWE is less than a nice person at best or an a-hole at worst. Either way he's gonna have to live with it.

That would still be the DM's problem.

If you decide someone is an ass because they didn't accept your unsolicited offer then you need to learn how to let things go. Someone saying, "Thank you, no." is not an insult.

[Tanasi]

That would still be the DM's problem.

If you decide someone is an ass because they didn't accept your unsolicited offer then you need to learn how to let things go. Someone saying, "Thank you, no." is not an insult.

I agree but TWE didn't say that. Sometimes folks take offense at the smallest things, youseTube has thousands of such videos. There's no substitute for manners.