Boredom and Guilt

[DrFaroohk]

I'm easily bored. I'm easily bored because about 90 percent of what other people like to do, I do not like to do.

Socializing with people is always a huge pain in the ass, because inevitably everyone else in the group wants to do something that I find boring.

It's not fair for me to make 10 other people be bored doing what I want to do, so I just deal with it.

The easiest way for me to get around this is to not hang out with people who bore me.

Unfortunately, people seem to get offended when I don't want to hang out with them. I don't get it. I don't want to watch your stupid reality shows with you, and you've clearly expressed disdain for the Tv shows that I like. Why are we hanging out? I like to play video games, you like to watch sports. I think sports are boring as hell. Why are we hanging out?

The best way I've found to entertain myself is with the internet. The internet has everything I need! Seriously, I could just live completely by myself and have the internet and never talk to another human being again. It has games, message boards to talk about things that interest me, all the TV shows I like, all the movies I like, everything I could ever want is on the internet.

But apparently there's something wrong with being an internet junkie. That sucks. If I sat around all day watching baseball on TV, never talking to anyone, I'd be seen as cool and a productive member of society, but because I like to be on the internet, I'm ignoring those who are close to me and I have a problem.

[blas87]

I get that same crap all the time, too. Look, I work night shift. I sleep during the day. I am not a lazy, worthless sloth. I am ALWAYS fucking tired, ok? I will do my DAMNEST to stay up as long as possible on Fridays and Saturdays, as to not waste my precious and few days off that I get, but it is SO HARD.

And sleeping during the day, I do not want to get up early and go shopping or go out to eat or do stuff before I work. I want to get the same amount of sleep as a normal person does. I want my 7-8 hours of sleep. Then I want to get up, get ready for work, and relax a bit. Sorry if I prefer sitting at home online or watching TV before/after work.

It amazes me the people I work with who can surivive, day after day, just measly hours of sleep, and are always go go go go go go go go go go.

On the other hand, on my time off, I WOULD like to go out and do stuff. But because of my boyfriend's legal problems and my money problems, we cannot just go out all the time, actually, rarely ever.

I am perfectly fine with going out the movies, going out to eat, or just renting flicks and staying home. I'd prefer to not stay home every single night off, but during the winter and certain times, I just cannot physically get out and do much...I am too tired.

I hate people who are impossible to entertain with simple things like going to the movies, going out to eat, staying in and watching movies, going for walks, etc etc.

I'm starting to get really agitated at my bf for getting so impossible to please. He got himself into his legal problems, and I cannot help how tired I get or the fact that I cannot afford to just throw money around.

[Slytovhand]

So, DrF, why are these people your 'friends'??

I don't get it... friends share a few traits... either a thought pattern, a way of seeing the world, or the more standard (and a bit more superficial) sharing of interests (eg sports).

I have my particular traits and idiosyncrasies, and few share them, so I only have a very few actual friends (who often don't get where I'm at anyway... esp with the graveyard weekend shifts... which is where I'm at now as I type this).

Which is why I don't get why I've had a friend request on FB from a work colleague... but we don't talk, she hasn't gone out of her way to even say hi, no emails, nothing... so why bother with a FB friend request???

[DrFaroohk]

Well, actually I have no real friends of my own save 1 or 2. Most of them are people I am forced to deal with, such as family, or my wife's friends. So as not to appear anti-social I sometimes have to go with her to visit a friend, and I'm almost always bored to tears.

[Boozy]

There's nothing wrong with being "anti-social" with people you don't want to socialize with. I don't think that "anti-social" = rude.

Of course, if you do agree to hang out with your wife's friends for an evening, the polite thing to do is to participate in what they're doing and hide your misery to the best of your ability. If it's that important to your wife, you might consider sitting through a ball game once in a while with a smile on your face. Not often, just once every few months or so, especially if it will make your wife happy.

But it's not at all rude to simply decline an invitation. Your wife and her friends should understand that.

My husband has friends whom I never see. Some I've never even met. I'm sure they're all nice people, and I would probably like them. Mr. Boozy has good taste in friends. But I can tell you right now that I wouldn't want to hang out with them. We have no common interests.

The solution is for Mr. Boozy to get his fill of those kinds of activities (usually video games and a bit of D&D) with those friends so that I don't have to participate. He doesn't nag me to join them, and I don't nag him to come to my wine tasting parties. Win-win.

[Slytovhand]

Q: What's your take on this situation.

GF and I were at her holiday unit (yep, she owned one...). She had one of her longtime friends and his kids come over, along with her kids (and, strangely enough, me ).

I was tired, and not feeling too well (ended up being a bit on the ill side by the next morning)... and so, instead of sitting with her and doing all the 'adult' things (she liked to do hypotheticals... I really wasn't in the mood for it), and she hadn't seen him in a while, so I thought I'd let them chat together for a while, soI excused myself with the intent of going to bed. The kids called me over (mostly teens, and I got along well with her youngest who was 16 at the time), and we started playing cards... which for me was a no-brainer.. I didn't have to think, I could just do.

Anyway, she got upset that I would do that, rather than sit with her and he and get to know one of her friends better, I went and played with the kids.

Note, I'm normally a hermit and loner, so 'anti-social' is pretty standard for me

[Sylvia727]

Slyt, the GF got upset that you hung out with one subgroup of her guests over another subgroup? Sounds odd to me. But I don't have her side of the story. Maybe she was really hoping you and this other guy would become friends? Maybe she was really in the mood for some adult company? I dunno.

One of my mom's friends got upset with me at my 14th(?) birthday party because the ten partygoers split up into a group of six and a group of four. She called me antisocial for "leaving my own party" and "abandoning my guests". Um, these four wanted to watch a movie, and those six wanted to play Truth or Dare. TOD was never really my thing, but I'm hardly going to tell my guests that they're not allowed to play and they HAVE to come watch a movie with me. Nor am I going to play a game I really don't like when there's plenty of people who'd like to join me in an enjoyable movie. None of her business anyway. Hag.

I tend to prefer quiet activities, and I dislike "just hanging out" with casual acquantices. With my close friends, I'm fine, but if I don't know someone well I need an activity as a safety net. Going out to dinner or playing board games works just fine. Going to parties is unpleasant unless at least two or three of my friends can make it and can hang out with me most of the time. I get social anxiety in unfamiliar situations. It's not a problem for me. I know how to compensate and I do. And when an unpleasant social situation comes up at work or out somewhere I'm unstressed enough to sweat it out for a few hours and then dash home to my internet and my novels. My friends know what I prefer, what I can tolerate, and what sets my teeth on edge, just as I know all that for them. We plan around each other. "The gal who dislikes large groups of people" is no more weird or noticeable than "the gal who has to be home by ten pm" or "the guy who stresses out if he has to drive".