Stubborn Children

[DrFaroohk]

You know what's annoying? Really stubborn, argumentative, contrary children. The ones that, no matter what it is you want them to do, they have to throw a fit, simply because it's not their idea.

What's for dinner? Whatever we DON'T HAVE. You could pick out their favorite food and keep it in stock, but then they don't want it. They only want what isn't available.

And then there's the whole cause and effect thing. "I WANT A GUMBALL CAN I PLEASE HAVE A GUMBALL!" And you try to explain, in the simplest terms, that as long as they are good in the grocery store and do as they are told and stay close by, they can have a gumball. First thing they do? Take off! And break some shit! And yell! And run around and bump into people! And no matter what you do they will not listen. And finally the end of the shopping trip comes, and the honest-to-god look of SHOCK that crosses their face when you tell them no them gumball today is just near infuriating, because you realize that everything you said went in one ear and out the other.

And then they argue and whine and complain to no end, even after the conversation is officially OVER and you're trying to move on and they're still going on and on and on and on. "WHY CAN'T I RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD!?!?!?!" "You know why. It's the same reason I told you last week, it's the same reason I told you yesterday, and this morning, and at lunch time, and after lunch time, and five minutes ago. You know why." "BUT WHY CAN'T I RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD? I CAN GO JUST AS FAST AS THE CARS! I'M TOUGH!" And finally, after grueling hours of trying to change the subject, trying to entertain them in some other way, finally, you just give up and have run out of options. "WHY CAN'T I RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD? I WANNA RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD! WHY CAN'T I RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD! WHY? WHY? WHY?" And you finally say "Look, this is the end of it -you're not riding your bike in the road because you could get hurt, or hurt someone else. That's the en d of it. If you ask me again I'm taking your bike away."

"BUT WHY CAN'T I RIDE MY BIKE IN THE ROAD?"

And then there comes the look of honest-to-god SHOCK like they had no effing clue you were going to do that, you must be the meanest person in the world for taking away the bike!


And the worst part is that there's nothing you can do about it except remind yourself that they're "at that age" and just grin and bear it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

That's just the way it is, hon. Bill Cosby called children "brain damaged people" for a reason.

Hang tough. I think they are testing you when they do that. They want to make sure you mean what you say. If you break, believe me it won't get easier. They'll learn.

Well, at least untill they are teenagers, anyways.

[Nyoibo]

Letting them ride thier bike on the road will take care of stubborn children eventually.

[Flyndaran]

That look of shock. That angered me more than anything else my brother did.
He picked, and picked, and picked, until I snapped, and that look of shock made me need superhuman levels of control to avoid tearing his head off.
This was when we were kids uner 10. We differ in age by only about 16 months.

[DrFaroohk]

Doesn't it though? The look of shock, I mean. Its like "If you do X, then Y will happen." So they say screw you and do X anyway, and then they literally have NO IDEA why you are doing Y....it's so frustrating.

[DesignFox]

Oh dear lord, you've just described my brother.

He pushes the button...pushes the button...pushes the button...

"Why is Dad always yelling at me???"

*facepalm*

My brother has some genuine behavioral issues...and NOW he's a teenager on top of it. I can't wait til he grows out of it. (and he has gradually gotten better, so I have hope for him.)

He also doesn't realize that Dad and I had our share of screaming matches when I was a teenager. (we're 12 years apart in age) So I think that doesn't always help things. He seems to think that Dad thinks I do no wrong, when really it's just that I'm an adult now- not a child, anymore. He'll wise up.

[blas87]

I can't believe the idiot parents who almost always accompany stubborn bratty children.

"I WANT A CANDY!"

"No, little Johnny, you just ate supper and we need to get going to Grandma's house now..."

"BUT I WANT A CANDY NOWWW!"

"No little Johnny...."

Commence the kicking, screaming, wailing and shreiking "GIMME GIMME GIMEE CANDY CANDY I WANT CANDY I WANT CANDY I WANT CANDY!"

"Little Johnny, if you don't stop throwing a fit, you won't be getting any candy for a long time, and you're going straight to bed when we get home."

Commence an even louder fit with more screaming.

Kids should come with muzzles.

[the_std]

This thread is half of the reason that my ovaries shake with fear at the thought of having children.

[blas87]

At least you only deal with quivering ovaries.

The time that I received a dirty diaper as a tip in my waitressing days, my tubes tied themselves. And it felt worse than the cramping that goes along with week-long constipation and the eventual let-loose when you have to use suppositories and then have to spend 3 hours on the john and 3 rolls of TP.

Then about a year or so ago, my uterus detached itself and fell out.

[the_std]

Oh, believe me blas, if I could have had the option of my entire internal reproductive system dropping out by itself, I'd have done so long ago.

Children are inherently selfish, needy, uneducated (I wouldn't go so far as to say stupid) and mentally/physically/emotionally taxing. It's not their fault, I don't blame them, that's just the way it is. It stopped surprising me long ago.

[DrFaroohk]

I guess I'm one of those "idiot parents", as many of the encounters go just like that. Really though, I don't see any other option other than just ignoring it (which sucks) and a good smack in the head, which while it worked on me well enough is really frowned upon these days.

I'm reminded of louis ck's rant on his kids...yeah.

[tabbyblack13]

Children are not dumb. They know if they pick, whine, and trow tantrums then mommy/daddy will give in. I learned a long time ago that if I wined about my older brother that he would get punished.

If you ignore or punish the child for behaving in a bad manner then you are doing a good job. But always remember to reward good behavior too. A lot of children want rewards in the form of attention from parents. I uses to do anything to be able to just go to the store with my dad or spend time with my mom. Being praised for being helpful went a long way.

[hecubus]

Sometimes, though, it's not the kids' fault that they are like that. One of my nephews went through a phase where, no matter what you would tell him to do, he would do the exact opposite, and smile the entire time. Turns out that he is mildly autistic.

Since my brother and sis-in-law took him to a doctor and got him the meds he needs, he has had very few "contrary" outbursts.

So, just keep in mind that, if a child is stubborn, he may not have anything to do with bad parenting or a bad kid.

[Lace Neil Singer]

My parents never gave in to whining, but all kids try it on now and then. Sometimes they'd compromise instead; for example, I asked for a pony every single year for Christmas. When I was nearly nine, I got riding lessons. However, when my little brother asked for a car and/or driving lessons (at the age of seven, natch) he, unsurprisingly, didn't get either. XD

[RecoveringKinkoid]

While my three and a half year old is not perfect. I have taught her at an early age that I mean what I say.

She does attempt to whine or pitch a mild fit every so often, but it's short lived. Usually all I have to say is "you need some time out?" Or "You want your bottom popped?" and she knocks it off.

I rarely have to enforce either punishment. All I had to do was establish that I WOULD do those things, without fail, every time, if I had to.

They aren't stupid. And they figure out what gives them power very quickly. My kid has figured out she gets better results when she smiles and says "please."

I'm not saying if your kid is difficult it's your fault, I am pretty sure I was lucky enough to get an easy kid. But even she will go as far as she thinks she can to manipulate adults. You have to be consistent with whatever you do to counter it. You can't let them think that every now again they might get lucky with bad behavior.