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So just spent the weekend with the family at Disney. I normally wouldn't do this kind of crap with them but I was guilt tripped hard by my grandmother who is the only person on my mothers side I really give a fuck about. Also some of these stories I probably come off as the asshole. Mostly because I have to get my revenge in every once and a while. And I tend to generalize certain aspects like political affiliations to keep the essence of these people (ie they are assholes) more pure.
Also I talk about sex and stuff, so you are warned.
So the lt;dr of how I got in this situation. Grandma wants to do a big family trip before she dies. Ok they want to do Disney.
I am Disney Vacation Club. Go almost every year I know what the fuck I am doing. We decided on the dates what parks to visit. They want to do rooms at a hotel and drive to the park. I politely decline, I rather do rooms at a Disney resort (French Quarter this year.) This is a major point of contention because they think its rude that I don't sleep at the same hotel as them. My response is that we are spending most of the day at the same park together. The rooms are just to sleep at.
So I book the package, Disney Resort, park tickets and shell out extra for the 'Very Merry Christmas Party' at the magic kingdom. This is a copy/paste from my email to them.
So of course the whining starts;
"Why are we going in this order?!?!"
Because other than the Magic Kingdom, I made the park choices around the restaurant reservations.
So little does my family know that my wife, son, and I showed up on the 11th for a few days of spa and relaxation before the coming shitstorm.
Now the all stayed in an off Disney hotel and had rental cars. We stayed on resort and had bus and boat service to the parks. Parks open for everyone at 9, we could utilize 'magic hours' so the parks opened for us at 8. And the worse part of it all was between the DVC discount and my wife's DoD discount. We were paying less for our 6 day stay then their 4/5 day stay. And it was the little things like we took the Disney bus from the airport. Got dropped of at our resort. Our luggage was collected and transported to our room by Disney. All this pissed of my uncle.
My uncle (married to my mother's sister) is one of those people who like to show off how successful in life he is. He in reality was bailed out by his parents and is in heavy debt. He has a problem with me in general because I am successful in life and I don't show off. He has a new leased mercedes, I drive a 20 year old Volvo (a 1995 850 T-5R estate). He has a big fancy house I have a medium old fixer-upper that I take great pride in. I run marathons, he has a heart bypass. I am 6'8" tall he is short. Why does this shit matters. BECAUSE HE BRINGS IT UP ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Why don't you drive a nice car, I bet you could afford a big house. If I had your height I be playing pro sports.
My Uncle is also a proud red hat MAGA type.
My aunt however decided she wanted to be queen bitch of the trip. So she had this bright idea to get a scooter to ride around on. Because she heard that if you had a disability they let you and your family go to the front of lines! That was true years ago. Of course when she found out about it she raised holy hell about it. Even though she can walk fine and she was trying to play the system in the first place, she thought it was unfair. Also on a side note, she has a lifetime ban from returning things at Target.
So me, my wife and son show up at Epcot at 8:00am for the magic hour. And hit up all the major rides early before the park opens for everyone at 9:00. We also have fast passes for rides later in the day. They don't show up until 10:00 because traffic, parking, getting up late etc.. My mother and aunt flip their shit when they find out we already hit up the rides. We should of waited for the family. The logic of, ride was fun would do again escaped them.
Then the subject of the fastpasses came up. They for the most part forgot to do them or did them so late no good time was available.
We hang out until 1ish then we say we are heading back to our rooms for a couple of hours then dropping of our son for an event at the resort. we will have to go back and grab him at 5:30. Epcot is not the most 6 year old friendly. We go drop him off decided to have sex for an hour and showered and changed clothes.
We come back to the park and get yelled at by my mother for "Leaving the family during the family trip" I told her we decided to have an hour of alone time. And of course that was a poor excuse. And the woman has be berating me for more grandchildren.
Meanwhile my uncle is in full MAGA mode. Apparently he is pissed that there are people speaking not English at Disney at Epcot ?!?!?!??!?!?!
This leads us into Dinner. Nine Dragons our waiter is from China thick accident but very good English. My uncle is being somewhat condescending and my aunt joins in. So when my turn comes up I start speaking in very good Mandarin Chinese;
"Sorry for my family, I would say they are related to pigs but I do like my grandmother"
The initial shock wears off. My uncle is pissed. My mother scolds me for not using English at the table. She hates it when I order Chinese food in Chinese. Because I might be saying things about them.... :-D
I speak conversational Chinese and French. Passable German and Japanese, and the basics of a few more. I honestly believe when you know two languages your brain can be programmed to easily accept more. So for the record I love Epcot, and I tried to speak to people in their native language as much as possible.
Meh this is getting long so I will ramble about the joys of the magic kingdom. Fast Passes and special events tomorrow!
Also I talk about sex and stuff, so you are warned.
So the lt;dr of how I got in this situation. Grandma wants to do a big family trip before she dies. Ok they want to do Disney.
I am Disney Vacation Club. Go almost every year I know what the fuck I am doing. We decided on the dates what parks to visit. They want to do rooms at a hotel and drive to the park. I politely decline, I rather do rooms at a Disney resort (French Quarter this year.) This is a major point of contention because they think its rude that I don't sleep at the same hotel as them. My response is that we are spending most of the day at the same park together. The rooms are just to sleep at.
So I book the package, Disney Resort, park tickets and shell out extra for the 'Very Merry Christmas Party' at the magic kingdom. This is a copy/paste from my email to them.
Alright Everyone;
****** Family Vacation itinerary
Dec 13- Epcot (Dinner Nine Dragons)
Dec 14- Magic Kingdom, make sure you get tickets to the xmas party as well otherwise the park closes at 7pm for you. (Dinner Crystal Palace)
Dec 15th- Animal Kingdom (Dinner Tiffins)
Dec 16th- Hollywood Studios (Dinner Brown Derby)
I have already made dinner reservations not a small feat for 15 people. You are on your own for fast passes.
****** Family Vacation itinerary
Dec 13- Epcot (Dinner Nine Dragons)
Dec 14- Magic Kingdom, make sure you get tickets to the xmas party as well otherwise the park closes at 7pm for you. (Dinner Crystal Palace)
Dec 15th- Animal Kingdom (Dinner Tiffins)
Dec 16th- Hollywood Studios (Dinner Brown Derby)
I have already made dinner reservations not a small feat for 15 people. You are on your own for fast passes.
"Why are we going in this order?!?!"
Because other than the Magic Kingdom, I made the park choices around the restaurant reservations.
So little does my family know that my wife, son, and I showed up on the 11th for a few days of spa and relaxation before the coming shitstorm.
Now the all stayed in an off Disney hotel and had rental cars. We stayed on resort and had bus and boat service to the parks. Parks open for everyone at 9, we could utilize 'magic hours' so the parks opened for us at 8. And the worse part of it all was between the DVC discount and my wife's DoD discount. We were paying less for our 6 day stay then their 4/5 day stay. And it was the little things like we took the Disney bus from the airport. Got dropped of at our resort. Our luggage was collected and transported to our room by Disney. All this pissed of my uncle.
My uncle (married to my mother's sister) is one of those people who like to show off how successful in life he is. He in reality was bailed out by his parents and is in heavy debt. He has a problem with me in general because I am successful in life and I don't show off. He has a new leased mercedes, I drive a 20 year old Volvo (a 1995 850 T-5R estate). He has a big fancy house I have a medium old fixer-upper that I take great pride in. I run marathons, he has a heart bypass. I am 6'8" tall he is short. Why does this shit matters. BECAUSE HE BRINGS IT UP ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
Why don't you drive a nice car, I bet you could afford a big house. If I had your height I be playing pro sports.
My Uncle is also a proud red hat MAGA type.
My aunt however decided she wanted to be queen bitch of the trip. So she had this bright idea to get a scooter to ride around on. Because she heard that if you had a disability they let you and your family go to the front of lines! That was true years ago. Of course when she found out about it she raised holy hell about it. Even though she can walk fine and she was trying to play the system in the first place, she thought it was unfair. Also on a side note, she has a lifetime ban from returning things at Target.
So me, my wife and son show up at Epcot at 8:00am for the magic hour. And hit up all the major rides early before the park opens for everyone at 9:00. We also have fast passes for rides later in the day. They don't show up until 10:00 because traffic, parking, getting up late etc.. My mother and aunt flip their shit when they find out we already hit up the rides. We should of waited for the family. The logic of, ride was fun would do again escaped them.
Then the subject of the fastpasses came up. They for the most part forgot to do them or did them so late no good time was available.
We hang out until 1ish then we say we are heading back to our rooms for a couple of hours then dropping of our son for an event at the resort. we will have to go back and grab him at 5:30. Epcot is not the most 6 year old friendly. We go drop him off decided to have sex for an hour and showered and changed clothes.
We come back to the park and get yelled at by my mother for "Leaving the family during the family trip" I told her we decided to have an hour of alone time. And of course that was a poor excuse. And the woman has be berating me for more grandchildren.
Meanwhile my uncle is in full MAGA mode. Apparently he is pissed that there are people speaking not English at Disney at Epcot ?!?!?!??!?!?!
This leads us into Dinner. Nine Dragons our waiter is from China thick accident but very good English. My uncle is being somewhat condescending and my aunt joins in. So when my turn comes up I start speaking in very good Mandarin Chinese;
"Sorry for my family, I would say they are related to pigs but I do like my grandmother"
The initial shock wears off. My uncle is pissed. My mother scolds me for not using English at the table. She hates it when I order Chinese food in Chinese. Because I might be saying things about them.... :-D
I speak conversational Chinese and French. Passable German and Japanese, and the basics of a few more. I honestly believe when you know two languages your brain can be programmed to easily accept more. So for the record I love Epcot, and I tried to speak to people in their native language as much as possible.
Meh this is getting long so I will ramble about the joys of the magic kingdom. Fast Passes and special events tomorrow!
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