Thanks For The Reminder!

[blas87]

Was going to post this on CS, but knew things would get side-tracked and off of the main point, so in case it does, it's better off here.

Facebook how has this handy dandy tool where you can find out how many sex offenders live in your area.

This kid that I went to high school with......I don't know why he even added me because we weren't even really friends or anything.....well, wouldn't you know, he looked it up and then made this status update:

"I wonder where that Blasenheimer kid is? Oh that's right, he's not listed on here because he's never getting out!"

I know I shouldn't get so riled up about things so easily, but I was seeing red. First of all, he spelled my last name wrong, and that's probably why he got no results, and second of all, he had to bring up something that my family has been trying to overcome for several years now.

I have a cousin who is a sex offender. He molested several young children. He is also mentally retarded, so instead of being in prison, he is in a looney bin for the mentally ill criminal type.

If you try to look him up, you'll just get the address to the looney bin.

I responded to his status update the correct spelling of my last name and the fact that this is NOT something my family talks about, and it's best if no one else speaks of this, either. I mean, it's not like I didn't have a hard enough time with everyone in school making fun of my family and having a good old time making fun of the whole issue when it first made the news.

He shamed our family, and we've been working on this for quite some time to get beyond it, he's been disowned from the family altogether....why does someone NEED to bring this up? It's so fucking embarrassing as it is!

So yeah, asshole, thanks for the reminder that there's a child molester in my family. I didn't already know that.

[BroomJockey]

It's all part and parcel of the demonizing of sex offenders. Whether it's right or wrong to do that, it also affects their families. I doubt any family is proud of having a child molester in the family, but with the ability to search it out, anyone can give them a rude reminder. It sucks hard that innocent family members get caught in the crossfire, and I'm sorry this jag-off decided to be a prick to you.

[blas87]

Thanks, BJ.

It's not like my family condones that type of thing....his own parents didn't even know about it until the first little boy came forward about it.

[guywithashovel]

That was pretty tactless of that guy.

Sometimes on Myspace I'll get friend requests from people I knew in high school, and often they are people that I had little to no contact with back then. I'm always wondering, "Why is it that you want me as a friend on this site?"

[AdminAssistant]

I don't think this has as much to do with the demonizing of sex offenders as it does that some people tend to be nosy busybodies with nothing better to do. Case in point: My mother had an affair while I was in Jr. High. I didn't even know at the time, and I didn't realize why all of a sudden everyone was making fun of me, calling my Mom and Dad nasty names, teasing me, and threatening to kick my ass. Something that had nothing to do with anyone but my Mom, Dad, and the other couple became widespread community news and my family nearly reached the breaking point a few times. Dad did, when he leveled a smart-ass that felt the need to bring it up a few years later.

As to your "friend", I'd ignore and block him. Every family tree has a few bad apples, there's probably something just as bad lurking in his past.

[MaggieTheCat]

My mom does something similar to me sometimes. My current boyfriend had a (female) roommate a few years back who used him pretty bad. I used to be friends with said roommate, but after a series of events that happened between her and my boyfriend, he and I no longer speak to her, and she doesn't try to contact us (mutual agreement on everyone's part that it would be better if we stayed away from each other.) My mom knows the whole story, and she knows that we don't talk to her, and that don't like to talk about her (because I've told her multiple times!) and she STILL asks about the roommate occasionally. "So, have you heard from (roommate)? Has she tried to contact you guys? What is she up to lately?" I DON'T KNOW because I DON'T TALK TO HER and I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER. For the love of GOD, I HATE it when my mom brings it up, because it was a nasty time for both my boyfriend and I and we really just want to put it behind us. I have told my mom this again and again and she still insists on bringing it up.

Sorry for the caps, it just really pisses me off when people do this. I'm sorry for the ass who's doing this to you, Blas. I would give him an earful if it were me. I think someday my mom's gonna get it, if she doesn't quit bringing the subject up.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

As someone who has myself been accused of molestation (key word: accused) I dislike the rabid demonization more than most.

About five years or so ago my family had a falling-out with long time friends of the family because their daughter accused me and my brother of molesting her. This being the same lying, daddy's little princess type girl who would climb/crawl all over the both of us unless physically forced not to, my parents didn't lend it any credence whatsoever.

Despite the preposterous nature of the whole thing, the other family was significantly less skeptical and dove into a nasty attitude to the lot of us. The only reason, I think, that they haven't attempted to press charges is because they know that they couldn't prove anything, there being nothing to prove.

Most annoying though is that I could very well have ended up on the sex offender's list, and even if I didn't I would not have been able to land either last summer's job at the career center or my internship throughout last year (ending one week after graduation).

The very fact that someone's entire educational and or job prospects can be crippled over the contents of their mind, much less a baseless accusation just astonishes me.

As far as I'm concerned you're innocent until proven guilty. I don't care if you are a pedophile so long as you don't harm anyone by submitting to those twisted desires and I especially don't care if you copped a feel twenty years ago while knockout drunk.

More pertinent to the OP, every family has something ugly tucked away somewhere. Assigning guilt based on anything other than conspiracy or accessory to the crimes of others is BS of the finest kind.