You're not all that / she's too hot for you.

[HEMI6point1]

I have a POF profile, but it's hidden, because I have a boyfriend. I used it to make some friends and yes, it worked. I know I just got hits because I'm not ridiculously ugly, but I made like 5 local friends off of there and that's all I wanted. Plus, I like the forums there. Entertaining to lurk.

To the OP, I can see you've been on the forums there, have you posted in the section for people to review your profile and help you tailor it to get more replies?

I think your profile comes across as a little...well, you don't have to say 'I ONLY WANT GIRLS WITH A SMALL TO MEDIUM BUILD KTHX'

Just don't reply to pictures you're not attracted to. Leaving that part out might make you seem more approachable. And there were other things I noticed about the way you worded your profile that made me 'Uh huh, right.' and want to click away.

Let me know what parts to improve on. Any help on improvement would be helpful.

And what is really so wrong with saying "I prefer girls who have an average to medium build?" Last time I put in my profile that I don't want a BBW (nor a woman that looks like Nicole Richie) people on both POF and another forum were saying I was "hating" on those women and I should put something better.... hence the "average to medium build."

[the_std]

Just don't reply to pictures you're not attracted to. Leaving that part out might make you seem more approachable.

This is exactly why you might want to consider leaving the "small to medium build" bit out of your profile.

[HEMI6point1]

OK I just changed up my profile... see how it is.

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

Smoking: I don’t, but I don’t care if a girl does as long as she doesn’t smoke in my house or my car.
Body type: I’m going to be straight here. I’m not into BBW’s, never were and it’s just a dating preference of mine. It’s just the way it is.
Smarts: Ability to carry in a conversation is important – looks fade but stupid is forever.
Religion: Doesn’t matter in the least.

Mmk. Again. Leave it out. Just ignore anyone who messages you that you don't want to talk to. It's perfectly acceptable to read and delete, I think, because you're looking for a match, and you don't want to waste anyone's time.

I know you're just being honest with your profile. I understand. But your profile comes across as abrasive and arrogant in your profile. I'm telling you, leave it out.


The smarts section: I'd leave out the stupid is forever slogan. Again, your profiles comes across as abrasive and arrogant. Trust me, the guys who hide their rudeness behind being 'blunt' and 'honest' are the worst and no girl wants to deal with a rude guy, even if he is honest about it.

You seem like a guy with hobbies and interests, and that's good. Girls like that. But then you move on into the 'what I'm looking for' section and you seem like you really don't want to impress anyone with your genuine desire to meet someone.

Just my humble opinions here. I'm no dating expert.

ETA: I'd have your fourth picture from the left be your main photo. Just saying.

[Rapscallion]

Third one specifies that she's looking for a Jewish guy, so maybe you're ... not?

When I was on holiday with a chum of mine, he talked about his dating site experiences. Quite a number of the girls he contacted through the sites were quite willing to chat until it came to the point of "Let's meet!". At that point, he says, they ran so fast he couldn't see them for dust.

Fairly recently, he revisited the site and checked. Of six that he looked at, one had since put up a note that she was now in a relationship and no longer needed the place, but the others all were exactly as they were - chatting, but going no further. The fault isn't necessarily with you.

I suspect there are blokes who work that way as well.

Rapscallion

[HEMI6point1]

Third one specifies that she's looking for a Jewish guy, so maybe you're ... not?

Or maybe not jewish enough.

Oh, get this. I was just informed over there by another member to "get rid of the jean shorts pics." Apparently, by me wearing jean shorts I'm a:

Douchebag.
Pothead.
NASCAR fan.
Redneck.

Which is odd, 'cause I'm neither of those things.

[blas87]

I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. Everyone is going to tell you something different about what your pics should be. Ultimately, it's up to you. Ideally, you want to look friendly and approachable.

And another thing to bear in mind about dating....as soon as you put it in the back of your mind and quit thinking about it so much, things tend to happen.

So just take er easy and follow your own heart....let people help you, but remember that it's ultimately up to you...

Oh, and Pedersen....I will say, I'm extremely jealous of you. I wish I had all day to threadstalk members online that I don't particularly care for, so that I could dig up some of their threads or threads that they've posted to, just to show a self contradiction or threads that will make them look like assholes. Really, I don't remember this thread having anything to do with making me look like an idiot, this poor guy wants help and advice and someone to vent with!

[BroomJockey]

Oh, and Pedersen....I will say, I'm extremely jealous of you. I wish I had all day to threadstalk members online that I don't particularly care for, so that I could dig up some of their threads or threads that they've posted to, just to show a self contradiction or threads that will make them look like assholes

Take it down a notch. Showing a contradiction in behaviour is acceptable on a debate forum. Maligning someone's behaviour when it's unrelated to the topic isn't.

[blas87]

To me, it shows wanting to debate MY character, and not the main point of the debate/thread, which is helping this poor guy out.

[HEMI6point1]

To be honest, the jean shorts (jorts) thing was in response to someone over there referring me over to the Urban dictionary.

Some of the definitions they have are admittedly funny.

[blas87]

I have added to urban dictionary before.....I think the word "fart", but that word has thousands of definitions....and "queef".

Don't really buy into urban dictionary.

If I may say though, khaki shorts are way more comfy in the summer!

[Pedersen]

Ah, the chuckling. Thank you, I needed that.

Oh, and Pedersen....I will say, I'm extremely jealous of you. I wish I had all day to threadstalk members online that I don't particularly care for,

If you think I have all day to threadstalk, well, I suppose I'll not disillusion you of that. However, you're quite welcome to come do my job for a day. My small little job just has me doing work to help secure my company's network, provide controlled and logged access to all of our systems as needed by our employees, and improving the backup and backup reporting system. Yes, I take breaks throughout the day. I need to, just to let my mind digest and work on some of the problems that I have to tackle. Hell, sometimes just to do something mindless like defend my position on something, or point out the holes in someone else's arguments (both of which are rather easy for me to do normally).

With my job, you'd need to do the same.

so that I could dig up some of their threads or threads that they've posted to, just to show a self contradiction or threads that will make them look like assholes.

As for the contradiction, it's more than just apparent. You demand that people do not judge you based on your appearance alone. You persistently make your appearance a major factor in how you believe you are judged. And you judge other people based on their looks. And you'd done all of this with a recent enough post that it still stuck in my brain. Since I didn't have to search for more than 30 seconds to find that, I'd hardly call that "spending all my time" on it.

On occasion, it's worth calling your attention to these words of yours, in the hopes that you can see and maybe even alter your behavior to prevent other people seeing these inconsistencies.

Really, I don't remember this thread having anything to do with making me look like an idiot, this poor guy wants help and advice and someone to vent with!

You are correct, and for that, I apologize to HEMI6Point1. I did let myself get distracted.

HEMI6Point1, about your profile:

First, your pictures: I see a number of interests listed in your profile, but your pictures only show three: cars, football, and computers. Find a way to get some other pictures showing your other interests. I see concerts, so get one of you with some concert posters, maybe. I also see photography, so find a way to incorporate that somehow. I do see heavy car interest in your interests, so I think I'd actually drop the car pics entirely. So much emphasis on cars makes you look like a one dimensional person, focused on cars.

Second, the "About Me" section. I'll be blunt here, but I'm hoping it will help you out.

The single biggest issue that I see with it is that you are being overly wishy washy about who you are. Some quotes will help to show what I mean:

I am not afraid to tell it like it UNLESS a situation requires me to be subtle.

Some says to be detailed, others say don’t be revealing too soon. Makes it kind of hard to write something about yourself, huh?

I am down for trying something different at least once, as long as it doesn’t involve anything too crazy....

So, tell me, what would you know about a person after reading those statements in that person's profile? To me, it would seem like I'm reading about someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want.

Some minor changes to those statements manage to change much of the tone:

"Being a New Yorker, I am not afraid to tell it like it is. Some have accused me of being harsh but it’s better than beating around the bush and letting something go badly wrong because of it."

"Asking others for advice on how to phrase things always gets you conflicting advice. Some say to be detailed, others say don’t be revealing too soon. It seems the only way to handle it is to post what I think describes me best."

"I am down for trying something different at least once, so would love to hear your ideas."

Those are some examples. Also, I noticed some missing words in there. I'd recommend proofreading backwards. It forces your mind to process what you've written more slowly, and you wind up seeing the errors more clearly. Try it.

Hopefully those example sentences above will help to provide some idea of how to write things more clearly.

[BroomJockey]

To me, it shows wanting to debate MY character, and not the main point of the debate/thread, which is helping this poor guy out.

Your point? If you think it's off topic, don't reply. If you're offended, report it. Your actions on this board are neither above reproach from other members nor forced to be taken in isolation. If you want to be treated one way, then treat others the opposite, pointing it out is valid, especially when it might be germane to any advice you'd hand out. To insinuate someone is stalking you for the pure purpose of humiliating you is not valid. There's a system in place to handle issues. It's called reporting.

[HEMI6point1]

Pedersen, I changed the wording around to what you said and also, I added some "things" in there as well.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I dunno about anyone else, but I can't view your profile anymore without registering, which, obviously, I'm not gonna do.

Maybe just copy and paste your text here?