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When my ex-husband and I divorced after 15 years of marriage, I was fairly glad to be 'rid of' the vast majority of his family.
However, that particular family has hit it's share of rough patches lately.
My ex-husbands grandmother (great-grandmother to my kids) passed away about a month ago. I really cared about her and felt a sense of loss, even though she was firmly on the 'side' of her grandson after the divorce and I was persona non grata. The thing that *really* stung was having to hear about it on facebook via my ex-sister in law rather than my ex-husband. Sure, perhaps he didn't OWE it to me to tell me, but he at least should have told his children and offered to take them with him when he went to the funeral (3 hours away).
I tried to do the classy thing and sent his mother (my ex mother in law, it was her mom who died) a card, and signed it from me and the kids. I consider this extra 'classy' because this woman has not made *any* effort to see her grandchildren since her son and I divorced.
Now a second tragedy has hit. My ex-mother in law's brother is currently in the hospital and close to death. He's in his late 50's and it was unexpected. I was particularly close to Uncle Jerry during certain times of the marriage and it's hitting me kind of hard.
It's such a disconcerting feeling, being out of the family - being GLAD for the most part, but a sense of loss when someone passes, and how to handle the grieving process?
Again, I had to hear this little tidbit from my ex-sis in law on Facebook. I again broke the news to my kids, one of whom was pretty upset. When asked how I knew, I had to tell the truth and say via ex-sis-in-law. He was visibly hurt that his father hadn't contacted him YET AGAIN with news of another imminent passing.
Do I simply send another card to my ex mother-in-law, again signing my name and that of the kids? We rarely saw eye-to-eye and it pisses me off that she doesnt seem to care about her grandkids, but the woman HAS lost her mom and is losing her brother less than a month later. It has to be hard.
Or do I ignore it and feel guilty for it?
I wasnt sure where to post this, so I hope I got it right.
However, that particular family has hit it's share of rough patches lately.
My ex-husbands grandmother (great-grandmother to my kids) passed away about a month ago. I really cared about her and felt a sense of loss, even though she was firmly on the 'side' of her grandson after the divorce and I was persona non grata. The thing that *really* stung was having to hear about it on facebook via my ex-sister in law rather than my ex-husband. Sure, perhaps he didn't OWE it to me to tell me, but he at least should have told his children and offered to take them with him when he went to the funeral (3 hours away).
I tried to do the classy thing and sent his mother (my ex mother in law, it was her mom who died) a card, and signed it from me and the kids. I consider this extra 'classy' because this woman has not made *any* effort to see her grandchildren since her son and I divorced.
Now a second tragedy has hit. My ex-mother in law's brother is currently in the hospital and close to death. He's in his late 50's and it was unexpected. I was particularly close to Uncle Jerry during certain times of the marriage and it's hitting me kind of hard.
It's such a disconcerting feeling, being out of the family - being GLAD for the most part, but a sense of loss when someone passes, and how to handle the grieving process?
Again, I had to hear this little tidbit from my ex-sis in law on Facebook. I again broke the news to my kids, one of whom was pretty upset. When asked how I knew, I had to tell the truth and say via ex-sis-in-law. He was visibly hurt that his father hadn't contacted him YET AGAIN with news of another imminent passing.
Do I simply send another card to my ex mother-in-law, again signing my name and that of the kids? We rarely saw eye-to-eye and it pisses me off that she doesnt seem to care about her grandkids, but the woman HAS lost her mom and is losing her brother less than a month later. It has to be hard.
Or do I ignore it and feel guilty for it?
I wasnt sure where to post this, so I hope I got it right.
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