Tying the kNOT....a rant

[AFPheonix]

If I'd had my way, we would have had an amazing vacation where we got married somewhere. Actually, one of my sisters did just that, they got married in Hawaii and then had her honeymoon at Whistler.

But Hubby wanted an actual ceremony, so that's what we did. I planned it pretty much entirely by myself, it wasn't a huge affair, we fit it into the front yard of the farmhouse and had the reception in the arena before we put footing in it.
Did the white dress thing, although hindsight being 20/20, I wouldn't have bought new, I would have found a nice used one. Mom wanted me to wear hers but she was teeny when she got married and I'm rather stouter than she is at a size 10-12.
It was fine, I was happy when it was over and we were on our way to the beach.
Actually, funny story about that, Hubby had put in for vacation time, and somewhere along the way someone had deleted it and had booked him for a bunch of jobs during the weekend. We found out once we got in the car and he finally checked his phone and had a ton of nasty voicemails asking where he was. Uhhh....getting married?

[Nyoibo]

I must be in the minority, I actually want a huge wedding, but there's a few things in the way of that, most prominent being needing someone to get married to.

[LeChatNoir]

If you are not opposed to getting married, just the idea of a wedding...well, it CAN be done very low key and not expensive. We were married at the courthouse, had my family and a few close friends there. Next day we had a BBQ in my aunt's backyard (she has a huge yard), catered by a local place. Was simple, not very expensive (my mom paid for the food, etc., but even then it probably wasn't more than $500 for everything).

I knew I was not the kind of girl to walk down the aisle in a white dress, everything all formal, and stressful. Plus, I wasn't about to put ourselves even more in debt planning some crazy, elaborate ceremony. I knew a girl whose budget just for the reception hall was $5,000. No thank you.

[MaggieTheCat]

The part that confuses boyfriend and I about the big, expensive, fancy-shmancy weddings is that most brides in those weddings will claim that their wedding day is/was/should be "the happiest day of my life."

So, basically you're saying that the rest of your life is going to go downhill after the ceremony? Uh.

[smileyeagle1021]

My personal idea of hell is a dry wedding.

AMEN
you would hate Utah... God, Mormon receptions (you don't actually go to the wedding, the only people allowed are the bride and groom and their temple worthy immediate family) are the worst.

[Red_Dazes]

My personal idea of hell is a dry wedding.

Amen to that... *shudder*

but are you against marriage, or weddings? Because those are completely different.*mr snippy was here* If it is just weddings you hate, then keep in mind that skipping straight to the married part can help on taxes and getting a mortgage with better terms, so that would help with the not living paycheque to paycheque, and the getting a house.

I loathe weddings. But my family would probably kill me... literally if I didn't have one. They are super traditionalists and very deeply religious. If I just went to the court house and got married by the state they would refuse to accept that I was actually "married" since I wasn't married in the "Eyes of God" ((which is actually what will happen any way... since I am not religious and I don't want it in my wedding))

The thing about actual marriage I don't like is the idea of it. All the wonderful benefits you can get from it are wonderful. But I don't know, it feels like something that people made to control other people. I think people can be faithful and honest with out some kind of legal contract. at least most people.

Other than that I don't have a problem with Marriage itself. I am just not willing to do it yet. I'm only 20 and I haven't finished college yet. I'm not at a point in my life where I feel like getting married is right.

[BroomJockey]

((which is actually what will happen any way... since I am not religious and I don't want it in my wedding))

<snip>

it feels like something that people made to control other people.

If it's going to happen anyway, frankly, fuck what they'll think.

And depending on what tradition of marriage you follow, it WAS made to control people. Christian marriage and similar traditions (including most dowry cultures) were all about transferring ownership of the woman from father to husband (hence the "giving away the bride."). Other traditions, however, it's a formalization of a promise between two people. An external vocalization and public display for the community of what the two people already know. It's simply a codified way for two people to declare their intent of staying together for their lives.

[BlaqueKatt]

*sigh* *doodles on back of back of notebook*

whatcha' drawin' BJ?

(and remember I have a southern accent)

[BroomJockey]

whatcha' drawin' BJ?

Absolutely nothing in any way appropriate to show to a married lady.

[AFPheonix]

What, like Superbad- grade doodles?

I wanna watch that movie again..

[Giggle Goose]

I think the OP was saying that she's opposed to people pressuring her to get married at her AGE and at this place in her life. 20 is very young! I'm 23 and that's STILL too young IMHO. Maybe she wants to wait until she can afford a decent wedding? I know that at 20 that I probably couldn't even afford to get a marriage license.

With the white dress and the cake and the nasty sherbert punch crap they serve at Baptist weddings, since alcohol is the devil.

Oh lordy, I helped my friend cater a Baptist wedding last month. I spent the majority of the time mixing 3 parts ginger ale to 1 part cranberry juice (if I remember correctly). We weren't even fancy enough for the sherbert! I second everyone who said dry weddings are a personal hell. LOL

I must be in the minority, I actually want a huge wedding, but there's a few things in the way of that, most prominent being needing someone to get married to.

I think I am to...it would be cool since I have a big family and I want them all to be a part of it, but that doesn't mean it has to be fancy-schmancy either.

[AdminAssistant]

Oh lordy, I helped my friend cater a Baptist wedding last month. I spent the majority of the time mixing 3 parts ginger ale to 1 part cranberry juice (if I remember correctly). We weren't even fancy enough for the sherbert! I second everyone who said dry weddings are a personal hell. LOL

And that stuff tastes like crap. EW. Mine will probably be low-key as well; the way I see it, my sister had the traditional white dress Baptist wedding in our hometown. I can go do something fun!

[BroomJockey]

What, like Superbad- grade doodles?

Never seen that.

[protege]

I second everyone who said dry weddings are a personal hell. LOL

I third that Some of my relatives are so damn annoying, that it's easier to tolerate them when you've had a few. Seriously--we have Uncle Dick (my mother's older brother) who got his nickname from his "sparkling" personality After about his third beer, he actually loosened up a bit, and was less of a dick than normal. In fact, he said something like "you know...these things really are addictive..." He uttered that famous comment at my cousin's wedding in '07, and we haven't let him live that down

Getting back on topic though, I can see why getting pressured into it would be annoying. Hell, I'm over 30, and I still get the "are you going to settle down with someone" shit constantly. Sorry, but no. After seeing my parents argue for the past 35 years...it's turned me off to the very *idea* of marriage.

[BlaqueKatt]

Absolutely nothing in any way appropriate to show to a married lady.

Meanie*kicks at floor with toes*