I love being responsible....

[DrFaroohk]

...for everyone ELSE'S actions.

So my mother-in-law's 50th birthday is coming up. My wife and I decided to throw her a big huge awesome party. I rented a dance hall and hired a band. Was gonna be awesome.


Unfortunately, the band, despite knowing it was for a private birthday party, decided to advertise it as an open to the public BYOB free dance.


Which brought up 3 major problems with the dance hall lady. She was pissed because she thought I was throwing this monster bash and she only charged me the "private party rate"...which I cleared up with her. Secondly she was pissed because a big monster bash with the kind of liquor that was implied requires a different sort of liquor license....which I cleared up. Third problem was that some other bar owner in town has this major issue with "his" bands playing at other people's functions....which is not even my problem!

So I tried to explain to the lady that even though none of these things were really my problem, I would clear it up. I'm not responsible for what another group of adults does! It's not my fault the band decided to call the party a public BYOB dance. It would be if I had told them it was, but I did not, so therefore how can I be held responsible for something another adult did? Am I responsible for other adults now too? Why not just hold me accountable for all the drunk drivers in the world while we're at it!?!?!?

But seriously though, even after explaining all this stuff she still gave me attitude so I hung up on her. See you next tuesday, honey. Stupid girl. I hope her dance hall burns to the friggin' ground.

[Boozy]

You are responsible for controlling the event that you scheduled and for reining in the band that you hired. It may not be your fault that your band is irresponsible and rude, but it sure as heck isn't the dance hall owner's.

Can I assume that you at least fired the band immediately upon hearing of their unauthorized invites?

[DrFaroohk]

I just canceled the whole thing. I didn't care for the owner's attitude anyway. And I just got a call from the state liquor commission telling me I needed to get permits from them for a bunch of stuff and also to give them a copy of our finalized guest list so they can basically run the whole thing.

I should have been informed of this stuff beforehand. She should have asked me "Will you be serving alcohol? Will it be open to the public? We'll be needing this and that permit and a guest list." These are common things that a first time renter of a dance hall probably would not know but that the owner and a veteran party thrower WOULD know.

[Boozy]

It would have been nice of her to inform you of those things, but you were just renting a hall from her. You didn't hire her services as a party planner. She assumed that you would do some research into what was legally required to host this party, and I really don't think that's an unreasonable assumption.

I'm sorry the party had to be cancelled. These big events sound like a great idea at the time, but they involve so much work that they're hardly ever worth it. Take your mom-in-law to a nice restaurant, and save yourself the stress and the money.

[BroomJockey]

She assumed that you would do some research into what was legally required to host this party, and I really don't think that's an unreasonable assumption.

If it's her hall, I'd expect her to inform me of any licences that would be required. Expediency and safety would be motivation enough, let alone simple courtesy. You know why? It takes one sentence: "You're aware of all the licences required for the event, correct?" Person answers "yes," her obligations are nil, and everyone's happy. Person answers "no," she still has no obligations, but has tons of options:

1. Offer to acquire them for the renter, at a small fee.

2. Point to specific research resources to discover what's needed.

3. Direct to specific government entities.

4. Hell, just say straight out what and how to get them.

#1 earns her money. 2-4 no money, but tons of goodwill.

[DrFaroohk]

We have since been made a better offer in the party planning where we will have it at a local bar before it opens, for free, and the owner will give us a great deal on food and drinks, because he's strangely become really cool. Or just wanted our business. He IS getting a free band out of the deal.

But I still feel like the lady that owns the dance hall owes me some cash. The price, as she quoted it, was 50 dollars an hour. I booked it from 6pm to 11pm, 5 hours, for 250 dollars. There was also a $150 cleaning deposit which was to be returned to me at the end of the night if the place was all cleaned up after the party. A grand total of $400 for the party. I was asked to pay half of this 30 days in advance of the party, so I mailed her 200 dollars (money order).

Speaking with her today, she said she would only pay half of the original deposit. $100.

Her reasoning is that she was giving me a "deal" in the first place, since it was a birthday party, and that with such short notice she really didn't feel like she had to refund any of it since she won't have time to rebook the date.

My reasoning is that half the reason we never got in touch sooner was that she was very difficult to communicate with as she would only ever return phone calls like once a week. You call her on monday, if you hear from her by next monday you're lucky. Also, she never mentioned any "deal" to me, having quoted me the price before I told her what it was about. There was also no agreement about not giving out refunds, and arguably I could say that of the $200 I sent her, $150 was for the cleanup fee, and since we were never there was no mess to clean up and I should at least get the $150 back.

I really feel like I'm right here, but I also know that the only legal means I would have of getting the money would probably cost me twice what I'd get, not to mention a lot of pain in the ass time.