Your child can't be autistic because ...

[violetyoshi]

I do not have a disability. Your social phobia, on the other hand, sounds like it is probably pretty crippling. It's not the same thing. Making you feel better about yourself is no reason for anyone else to force themselves to feel worse about themselves.

THIS

added cause says my message is too short

[AdminAssistant]

In fact, one of the biggest problems of Dyscalculia is that the "sufferers" so excel in everything else, no one wants to accept that they have a problem. We tend to be "the smart kids". So instead of being helped, or at least humored, we get called names like "lazy" and "stubborn." We get accused of not paying attention because of our flakiness and absent mindedness. We get called conceited and rude because we have problems recognizing faces and forget who people are. But that is only a problem with other's perception, not a problem with us.

Huh.

You know, RK, the more you talk about dyscalculia the more I want to look into it. I've always excelled in history, literature, writing, etc. And struggled with math and any science that involves a lot numbers (physics and chemistry). I'm very absent-minded (I daydreamed through most of elementary school)...hmm. Very interesting.

[IDrinkaRum]

I lie awake at nights, wondering if Child Rum will ever be self-sufficient enough to live on her own. right now, if you look at her at the age of 6, she wouldn't be able to do it.

I worry, with my own health problems, will I see her into adulthood to make sure she can function in the "real" world.

It's too late for me to be the hermit I wanted to be when I was 10.

I have a little one that I have to be responsible for. She's different from the rest of her peers, even the Autistic ones.

She's beautiful, wonderful, and I still have tons of dreams for her.

Will she live up to those dreams? Probably not. Will I be disappointed? Maybe. For like 2.5 seconds. I will rejoice in what she can do. I will mourn what she cannot do. But no matter what, she's my daughter, and I love her more than anything.

[DesignFox]

Aww. You sould like a great mom to me, Rum.

Whether or not a person's child has a disability, isn't what you're doing all a parent CAN do?

[Dreamstalker]

I lie awake at nights, wondering if Child Rum will ever be self-sufficient enough to live on her own. right now, if you look at her at the age of 6, she wouldn't be able to do it.

She's only 6. That preparation takes time, and things can and do change. When I was in high school, not many of the people working with me thought that I would make it to "real" college 2000 miles from home (much less graduate with a 3.5 GPA after being forced to change majors midstream) or be able to hold a job.

It was a real struggle at times (if time travel were possible I'd go back and give my stupid, bratty teen self a swift kick), but my mom fought like hell when I couldn't and made sure it would work.

{{{{{Rum and Child Rum}}}}}

[Lace Neil Singer]

It is when the so called "disorder"usually comes with a huge boost in language skills, artistic skill, and mental flexibility. Because, at least in my own experience, these things are far more valuable than knowing how to do calculus.

And I can do some simple math. The stuff I need in my day to day life, I can either do or manage through the coping mechanisms we are so stellar at coming up with. It does not cripple me.

In fact, one of the biggest problems of Dyscalculia is that the "sufferers" so excel in everything else, no one wants to accept that they have a problem. We tend to be "the smart kids". So instead of being helped, or at least humored, we get called names like "lazy" and "stubborn." We get accused of not paying attention because of our flakiness and absent mindedness. We get called conceited and rude because we have problems recognizing faces and forget who people are. But that is only a problem with other's perception, not a problem with us.

I do not have a disability. Your social phobia, on the other hand, sounds like it is probably pretty crippling. It's not the same thing. Making you feel better about yourself is no reason for anyone else to force themselves to feel worse about themselves.

If your intelligence is insulted by others being able to cope and be happy in their lives, and being optimisitc about their blessings, well, not much I can say to that. I guess that's your burden to bear. But it sure as heck is not mine.

What Kinkoid said, pretty much. I don't consider myself disabled at all. I may find maths difficult, but I have a lot of artistic creativity. I can write a short piece of creative writing in a matter of minutes after being given an idea. I know a fantastic amount of song lyrics, even from songs I haven't heard in years; I can still sing them exactly when I hear them. I may find it hard to remember people's faces, but I will remember that someone has four children or that they hate spiders. I may need to work to a routine, but at least I'm never late whenever I meet someone.

I don't really see why I should pretend to be worse off than everyone else, just so they can feel better about their own problems.

[Flyndaran]

I...

If your intelligence is insulted by others being able to cope and be happy in their lives, and being optimisitc about their blessings, well, not much I can say to that. I guess that's your burden to bear. But it sure as heck is not mine.

If you are a wombat, then.... way to create a huge strawman argument.
Severely mentally retarded people can be happy in their lives. Are you saying that they aren't handicapped by it? See, two can play at the misreading others game.
Autism coming with huge benefits is a myth. Just because you may have some abilities above average does not mean that it was required by your disability. My social phobia has nothing to do with my better than average vocabulary or math ability.
Even when discussing statistics you are using a self-selecting group of autists that were capable of overcoming some of the hadicaps of thier problem. So don't bring up any that say that autists that can for example tie their shows are smarter than average. If you talk about autism, you must include those that can't tie thier shoes along with those able to hold jobs and contribute to society in so many ways.

[violetyoshi]

If you are a wombat, then.... way to create a huge strawman argument.
Severely mentally retarded people can be happy in their lives. Are you saying that they aren't handicapped by it? See, two can play at the misreading others game.
Autism coming with huge benefits is a myth. Just because you may have some abilities above average does not mean that it was required by your disability. My social phobia has nothing to do with my better than average vocabulary or math ability.
Even when discussing statistics you are using a self-selecting group of autists that were capable of overcoming some of the hadicaps of thier problem. So don't bring up any that say that autists that can for example tie their shows are smarter than average. If you talk about autism, you must include those that can't tie thier shoes along with those able to hold jobs and contribute to society in so many ways.

Yes, but those people are considered the standard for people with Autism. Most people only focus on their disabilities, not their capabilities. Now someone who's standing up to that notion, is creating a strawman argument, because they're forgetting to remind people of what they're already familiar with?

We're trying to show people that people on the Autism SPECTRUM, there are different levels of functionality, can not only function in society but excel.

Also, there are many "handicapping" behaviors "normal" people are allowed to have, yet we don't see those put under the spotlight. I see being crippled by an addiction, just as limiting if not more limiting, than someone who can't tie their shoes. Have you visited this site:

http://isnt.autistics.org/

If "normal" people were the ones that were treated as people who only matter purely in terms of functionality, people would be seeing many things that are disabling about their lives.

[protege]

Depression does go away for many people. There are drugs available that do effectively cure depression in episodic sufferers. Depression is not always a chronic condition.

There are better drugs now, but they're still not perfect. I was on a few in the past--Prozac being one of them--and really didn't like the side effects. Sure, I could concentrate better, but the mood swings (and subsequent memory loss of said events!) were a bit much. After losing a girlfriend (she said that I smacked her...yet I don't remember it), I'd had enough of that.

I know that my depression doesn't compare to autism, but some of its effects do. I do have a hard time concentrating on things, and sometimes jump from one project to the next--don't believe me? Take a look at all the half-finished models on my workbench As such, it doesn't surprise me that some people have said that I'm somewhere on that spectrum.

I try not to let my condition get me down. I tend to use it to my advantage, and by that I don't use it as an excuse. That is, if I can overcome that...I can do anything. No wonder why when adversity comes, I say "bring it, bitches" It drives people nuts that I can, and usually do, outperform their expectations

OK, enough about me. But, I do know some people with autism, who, for the most part...are able to deal with it, and lead relatively "normal" lives. And yes, quite a few of them deal with it so well, that it doesn't hinder them.

[Skunkle]

Because the majority of people aren't better than the majority, something is shameful about the majority?
I'm afraid I don't understand what you're trying to say.

What you SEEM to be saying is that, if people who have a "disorder", say, Asperger (as I do) and this gives us both strengths and weaknesses, we have no right to be proud of our high points because it pokes fun at you if my high point happens to be your low point.

My Asperger is not a "gift" or a "blessing". Neither is it a "defect" of which I should be ashamed. It IS a problem in many ways, but simply due to it beinbg an issue, I do not need to feel ashamed and saddened by it. Now, many who have such issues would love to be able to cure them. Some can, some can 't, some can apply partial fixes. I can't. But me saying that, since I can't "fix" my Asperger, I'll be proud of the strengths it gave me (such as the ability to hyperfocus) is NOT in any way putting down or belittling those who do not see a good side at all and/or would prefer to completely cure their own issues.

Thing is, Flyndaran, posters who read one side into your comments get shot down, and people who read the other side get shot down. Yes, Assperger is a disorder in a sense. Yes, many people with it prefer to see it as a disorder, a problem, a nuisance. I see it with good and bad points, but because I prefer to dwell on my good points does not mean I am telling others that they're wrong. They are welcome to feel as they feel about their disorders. I will feel the way I want to feel about mine, and I have no interest in forcing them to feel my way, or belittling them for feeling their way, or trumpeting my Asperger as an incredible gift.

I don't consider there to BE such a thing as a single definition of 'normal'. There is a wide range of things that can be classified as 'normal'. The reason many of us fight against the classification of having a "disorder" is that, for decades, those with disorders were WRONG BROKEN DAMAGED, and large amounts of (often destructive and quite shameful) effort was put into attempting to "fix" people. By "fix" I don't mean the use of mild medications to calm extreme hyperactivity, or to curb chemical-imbalance depression. I mean surgical fixes" or extreme medication, wherein reducing someone to a nonfunctional blob was seen as better than leaving them "broken". We with various disorders fight against the stigma of "You're broken" or "There's something *wrong* with you". To fully grasp those ideas, imagine them spoken in a voice filled with either sadness and pity, or derisive scorn. These ideas often amount to "I'm sorry you'll never be normal" or "You'll NEVER be like US!" and, fading as they are, we still recoil at them. Yes, we have issues. No, we don't and won't let them define us as broken, wrong, less-than.

Again, none of us as far as I know, certainly not I, have any intention of belittling others. But if there's no proper and truly helpful way to be "cured", what shame is there in playing to our strengths, and using them as an advantage to get a leg up on life? Our disorders put us at a disadvantage, naturally, and yet when one of us uses our high points to push ourselves up to a "normal" level in a sense, some people talk to us as though we should be ashamed for doing so... as if we SHOULD be accepting that we're at a disadvantage, and falling behind into our "proper place" as people with disorders. There are times when I must excuse myself due to difficulties I have, but there is a difference between explaining why <insert issue here> is giving me a problem and yet trying anyway, and being openly and directly lazy - that is, using Asperger as an excuse, which most of us don't do.

Now, when I say "most of us"... I refer to those of us with a diagnosis. I was diagnosed at age five. My parents had a lot of psychological tests done, before taking me to a couple of different specialists to get multiple opinions. As a (marginal) part of the furry fandom, I can say that, as I see it, a good 70% of the furry fandom, and unknown portions of many fandoms (sci-fi, anime, fantasy) have medium to severe social shortcomings. Some are conditioned, and some are natural - i.e., some are the result of not getting out enough, some are the result of having found no accepting social group due to various kinds of percieved differences, and some are indeed "disorders" or natural things to do with hardwiring. However, Asperger Syndrome has, in recent years, become extremely common in the furry fandom as a self-diagnosis. Low self-esteem, awkward socially, shy, I MUST HAVE ASPERGER! And while some of these people may have Autism Spectrum-related issues, some are nothing more than shy and socially awkward. Self-diagnosis is not standalone; if you have reason to think you have something, go get tested. It is also not a crutch; those of us with such diagnoses often work hard to make ourselves able to function well. It's not insulting, exactly, but it's not acceptable to self-diagnose and then explain away any and every possible trouble and issue with *shrug* I have Asperger's. It's not an excuse.

I have Asperger - TRUE. I am Asperger - FALSE.

If we're all misreading your points, Flyndaran, please...PLEASE...respond with a post clearly and concisely stating your points.

/skunk rant mode off/

[Lace Neil Singer]

I have a diagnosis. It took me an incredible amount of time to get it, as in a correct diagnosis to explain why I am how I am, but I have one.

Funny you mention furries; while I'd never describe myself as a furry, I do have an "other"; a hyena. I've also found that Aspergers seems to be fashionable at the moment, just like ADD is; a means of excusing bad behaviour in children and an excuse not to parent. It's pathetic, but there it is; just wait til the next fashionable disorder comes out.

Yes, there are parts of being an Aspie which are a pain in the butt; the conversational loops and repetition; the fact that I hate being touched and can't show affection in the same way as a "normal" person would; the fact that I find it difficult to talk about my problems. But I see no reason to allow anyone to use these to attack me with and tell me I'm abnormal, like a freak. I'm not a freak; I'm just different. That's not a crime.

[IDrinkaRum]

My daughter has the horrible conversation "skills" and the repetition. However, she's overly affectionate.

My in-laws don't understand her. My husband wants to leave her with them for a day or so. I have nightmares about never having her again as they'd kill her (inadvertantly). They don't understand that when she's quiet for x amount of time, you. go. find. her.

They think she just doesn't listen because she doesn't want to. Not because her brain is wired differently. She runs around in circles because she's bored not because it soothes her and her overactive brain.

As I said before. I love her no matter what. I accept her no matter what. She's mine. And as she gets older, I become more Momma Lion as I try to get her the things she needs to help her and if no one else likes it, who cares? This is my child and when it comes to therapies/schooling/etc. she obviously comes first.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Your in laws have proven time and time again that they don't understand the importance of keeping a safe environment for her. It would be madness to leave her with them alone.

They don't get it, and they don't want to get it. So be it. No unsupervised visits. Their getting mad over it is neither here nor there. You're doing the right thing.

[Dreamstalker]

Funny you mention furries; while I'd never describe myself as a furry, I do have an "other"; a hyena. I've also found that Aspergers seems to be fashionable at the moment, just like ADD is; a means of excusing bad behaviour in children and an excuse not to parent..

That's been my viewpoint for a few years now; it seems that as soon as it was recognized, diagnoses skyrocketed. The cynic in me says that's because there's finally an explanation why some kids don't act like everyone else -_- (why does there need to be a reason?) When I was heavily into RPGs and fanfic writing, one psychiatrist I was seeing wanted to institutionalize me because...I had an imagination (my therapist wound up firing her, and presumably let her know why).

I was considering starting a tabletop-RPG group with the Aspergers anime group, but...something about that concept just seems (to me) a bad idea with this particular gang.

OT: I wouldn't quite call myself a furry per se, but I have an "other" as well (wolf) and I have managed mental shapeshifting. There's a very good book on that subject, The Magic of Shapeshifting by Rosalyn Greene.

[IDrinkaRum]

RK - you're right. Mr. Rum doesn't understand. He thinks I only trust my mom with Child Rum. Of course I trust my mom with Child Rum! She knows that Child Rum is a curious child with little to no inhibitions in that if she sees something interesting, she'll pick it up, inspect it, try to test it, or try to taste it.

Child Rum thinks she knows how to do something if she watches us do something. (She's convinced she knows how to drive by observing me from the back seat. )

We might be going down to the in-laws house this weekend (it's Grandpa NotaRum's birthday) and Child Rum will be with me at all times. MIL says anything about me "babying" her, she's getting an ear full.