Mr. Rum's attitude about Child Rum's therapy

[IDrinkaRum]

Okay ... here's a new situation. Mr. rum is taking a "wait and see" attitude and making me think I'm over-reacting.

Since the day before Thanksgiving, Child Rum has started to wash her hands. She tells me her hands have potatoes (which we tell her her hair has when it's time to wash her hair otherwise, she won't let me wash her hair). She'll spend 10 minutes at a go washing her hands (if we let her). And then not 5 minutes later, she's back washing her hands. Last night, she tried to use an entire bottle of hand sanitizer in 15 minutes!

I want to find a child psychiatrist or behavioral pediatrician or someone who can help us and her. Mr. Rum is just like "It's a phase."

Excuse me? OCD can sometimes go hand-in-hand with Autism!

Plus, I have OCD. Did I give the OCD gene to her? Is there even an OCD gene?

[jackfaire]

I can't comprehend this. I was a special needs child. My parents made sure I got the help I needed and I started surpassing my fellow students.

Children are sacred and deserve our all. The "It's just a phase" is was and always will be a cop out.

[IDrinkaRum]

I can see it as I'm with her more than Mr. Rum. (To be fair, I'm a SAHM and he's the working Dad). It's getting worrisome for me. I'm thinking of calling the pediatrician's office and say, "Look, this is what my daughter is doing. All the time. Is there a child psychiatrist specializing in Autistic Children who could help me with this?"

[jackfaire]

I can see it as I'm with her more than Mr. Rum. (To be fair, I'm a SAHM and he's the working Dad).

To be fair that also means he should be trusting your own opinion more than what little he sees. Not meant to be snarky either just saying yes to be fair you need to understand the limitations of his viewpoint but to be fair so does he.

My dad was a working dad but it took me backing up my mom before he realized my brother was bullying our mom. Because my brother was all sweetness and light when my dad was home.

Seriously I am not saying he is a bad guy just he needs to listen to the person there all the time and not his mom.

[Boozy]

To be fair that also means he should be trusting your own opinion more than what little he sees. Not meant to be snarky either just saying yes to be fair you need to understand the limitations of his viewpoint but to be fair so does he.

Exactly. The working parent needs to trust the judgement of the stay-at-home caregiver.

I'd think that Mr. Rum does trust IDAR and her abilities, because he chose her as his wife and partner. Perhaps he just needs to be reminded of that?

Or maybe he should spend a little more time with his daughter. I'm a firm believer that "quality" time with a parent is fine for children when "quantity" time is just not a possibility. But when a child has special needs, these behaviours don't always manifest at convenient times. For example, if her Dad takes her out for ice cream, that's a wonderful bonding experience for them. But she's also likely to be relaxed and happy during that time, and less likely to act up in ways that Mom is witnessing during their daily routine.

Seeing is believing. Does Mr. Rum have some vacation time available? Maybe he should take it and spend a few days as primary caregiver.

[IDrinkaRum]

Mr. Rum is taking the week December 28-January 4 off this year. We're trying to keep as much of his time in the "bank" so to speak because of the BRAC that is coming up. (BRAC = Base Realignment And Closings). When he gets moved to his new office, all that time he had saved up will be cashed out as one gigantic paycheck. (And extra money is always nice).

But yes, I hope for the week he's taking off, he can see what I see when I'm home alone with her. She's a very loving little girl. And unlike some Autistic Children, she does love to be hugged and cuddled amazingly. (She just doesn't like crying and sneezing).

I love them both, but right now, my concern is for my daughter. And therein that could be the problem. I'm so wrapped up in Child Rum and new manifestations of what is happening to her, I have little time for Mr. Rum or myself.

[jackfaire]

I have little time for Mr. Rum or myself.

Maybe that week you could take a day for yourself? You need to be good so you can be good for her.