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I tell all new friends that I do not date. I am not sexually active, I am not looking for any sort of partner, I don't appreciate people setting me up for dates, and all that other jazz that follows along. I am one of those 'single and loving it' sort of girls.
Now, I have a close group of friends who have been going through drama recently (cheating, depression, apartment and job searching, etc). I have known for quite some time that one of them, I'll call him "Joe," has had a crush on me. He is easily infatuated with women, no matter their looks or personality--he's not exactly a master of the dating scene, if you know what I mean--so I took little notice of it. I am quite awkward with relationship conversations and try to be as blunt as possible with my opening statement (as mentioned in the opening paragraph) and then never mention it again.
...I may need to underline 'quite awkward' though. Joe finally told me that he liked me, a moment I had been dreading since the first crude sex joke he had made concerning the 'size of his socks.' I kind of stood there awkwardly, mumbled out a thanks and turned and walked away. A bit rude, but we have been well aquainted for a year and he really ought to know that I don't take suprising situations like that very well.
A month, maybe a bit longer, and the subject has yet to be brought up again. Except now there's company. Another close friend, "Mark," seems to be hinting that Joe likes me and that we would make a nice couple. Now, don't get me wrong, Joe's a nice guy, but he is on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to 'my type.' When Mark and I are later alone, I do make sure to tell him that I am not interested in Joe, end of story, no more pushing.
And then suddenly Joe starts acting a bit curt, a mutual female friend talks to him and finds out he's upset that I have yet to give him a decision, a 'yes' or a 'no' on his offer of a relationship. Wait, so he was only being friendly bcause he wanted to get into my pants? Did he not read any signals whatsoever? Signals being quite obvious, mind you, which weren't strong enough to show as I have a flirtatious attitude (as I was later told, which makes no sense as I controlled my actions whenever I was around him to discourage the crush). I stopped hugging him, I only hung out in groups and not one-on-one, I completely ignored every crude joke, I mentioned my relationship-abstinence a couple of times to be on the safe side. Nope, he picked up on none of those hints over all this time. Now, I know it was up to me to tell him flat out that I wasn't interested, but I am not the kind of person who is comfortable with intimate discussions whatsoever and I completely dread even the thought of them.
To ease the difficult situation for myself, I told the girl I was not interested and to tell him for me, and she (a master at being honest without being rude) relayed the message.
It took nearly a year for him to tell me he liked me. A year (I figured out the crush thing near the beginning) of me hinting that I did not feel the same. A year of apparent false frindship, as his attitude would suggest. I feel like a freakin' genius compared to how well he was able to comprehend everything going on.
I absolutely hate when people don't pick up on the obvious disinterest and see things where nothing is--a relationship, for example, or a 'friend' that you can't get rid of (without needing to hide the body later).
Now, I have a close group of friends who have been going through drama recently (cheating, depression, apartment and job searching, etc). I have known for quite some time that one of them, I'll call him "Joe," has had a crush on me. He is easily infatuated with women, no matter their looks or personality--he's not exactly a master of the dating scene, if you know what I mean--so I took little notice of it. I am quite awkward with relationship conversations and try to be as blunt as possible with my opening statement (as mentioned in the opening paragraph) and then never mention it again.
...I may need to underline 'quite awkward' though. Joe finally told me that he liked me, a moment I had been dreading since the first crude sex joke he had made concerning the 'size of his socks.' I kind of stood there awkwardly, mumbled out a thanks and turned and walked away. A bit rude, but we have been well aquainted for a year and he really ought to know that I don't take suprising situations like that very well.
A month, maybe a bit longer, and the subject has yet to be brought up again. Except now there's company. Another close friend, "Mark," seems to be hinting that Joe likes me and that we would make a nice couple. Now, don't get me wrong, Joe's a nice guy, but he is on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to 'my type.' When Mark and I are later alone, I do make sure to tell him that I am not interested in Joe, end of story, no more pushing.
And then suddenly Joe starts acting a bit curt, a mutual female friend talks to him and finds out he's upset that I have yet to give him a decision, a 'yes' or a 'no' on his offer of a relationship. Wait, so he was only being friendly bcause he wanted to get into my pants? Did he not read any signals whatsoever? Signals being quite obvious, mind you, which weren't strong enough to show as I have a flirtatious attitude (as I was later told, which makes no sense as I controlled my actions whenever I was around him to discourage the crush). I stopped hugging him, I only hung out in groups and not one-on-one, I completely ignored every crude joke, I mentioned my relationship-abstinence a couple of times to be on the safe side. Nope, he picked up on none of those hints over all this time. Now, I know it was up to me to tell him flat out that I wasn't interested, but I am not the kind of person who is comfortable with intimate discussions whatsoever and I completely dread even the thought of them.
To ease the difficult situation for myself, I told the girl I was not interested and to tell him for me, and she (a master at being honest without being rude) relayed the message.
It took nearly a year for him to tell me he liked me. A year (I figured out the crush thing near the beginning) of me hinting that I did not feel the same. A year of apparent false frindship, as his attitude would suggest. I feel like a freakin' genius compared to how well he was able to comprehend everything going on.
I absolutely hate when people don't pick up on the obvious disinterest and see things where nothing is--a relationship, for example, or a 'friend' that you can't get rid of (without needing to hide the body later).
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