People who don't pick up on hints

[DrFaroohk]

Life's full of choices. She chose to tell vicious lies.

[DesignFox]

*clap clap clap*

Seriously. Hints are passive aggressive bullshit.
I tend to ignore things like that on purpose.
<snip>

My SO is like this. He hates passive aggressive BS. If you want something, tell him and he'll do it. Don't be a wuss about it.

What I think Dr. F you are failing to realize, is that sometimes people may misinterpret your hints. So, if hints aren't working, just come right out with it. It is possible to be direct without being rude.

I'm a very observant person. Usually, I can determine a lot about people without directly asking or saying something to them. But I do misjudge and I do misinterpret. Occasionally, I even read too far into things. Not every person is wired the same way as I am.

Since I respect that fact, and I respect other people (unless they do something to earn my disdain) I realize that what might work with one person may not work with another. While I could hint at something and get the point across with one person, I may have to be more direct with another. And if something is truly important to me, rather than risk a misunderstanding, I'm just direct. It takes out the guess work for both of us.

[DesignFox]

Life's full of choices. She chose to tell vicious lies.

It still doesn't make it right for you to threaten to do harm. That was inappropriate.

[Slytovhand]

Hints are only appropriate if you don't have the balls to man up and say what you actually mean.

I'm pretty sure TehShush is female.... so, what should she do?

DrF, you also forget that in the OP's situation, Joe had an emotional investment.. and when people are emotionally invested in something, then it tends to fuck with their heads... so they don't think so logically or rationally. They then also start double-reading things, doubting, turning things around, etc etc.. Without hearing "I'm not even remotely interested in you", they create scenarios where they could be, and something could happen... instead of taking appropriate (and more rational) actions (like moving on).

[the_std]

I'm pretty sure TehShush is female.... so, what should she do?

Well, in that case, I would advocate having the ovaries to woman up! Gender does not play any role in being upfront and honest.

[Nyoibo]

I still think hints are a perfectly acceptable way to communicate. I always saw it as your failure to comprehend, not my failure to communicate.

I pick up on other people's hints, and I'm not a wonderfully perceptive person. If people were in tune and thought about someone other than themselves just once in a while they'd pick up on it too. I.e. if I'm telling a hugely long story about my infected toe-nail and I see one of my friends sigh, roll his eyes and look away, guess what, he's bored! I'm boring him to death with my stupid ass story! So I stop talking. I change the subject. Yay! I picked up on a hint! Its not at all hard.

That's not a hint, that's a freaking sledgehammer, I'd say if your friend is sighing and rolling their eyes, you've missed the "hints"

I'm pretty sure TehShush is female.... so, what should she do?

Then Woman up.


Hints don't work well, any sort of different background between people and nuances of bodylanguage are lost, messages become garbled or just dismissed as nothing.

[Boozy]

By choosing to react in the manner you did, threatening assault and arson, you sink to her level and become worse than she is.

Life's full of choices. She chose to tell vicious lies.

This line of discussion is pretty far off topic. If anyone wants to continue that line of debate, please start a new thread.

Thanks.

Edited to add: If you do decide to start a new thread, DrFaroohk, you'd be well advised to start speaking in generalities instead of specifics. Making threats is a crime in most areas, so you probably shouldn't be admitting to it.

[Talon]

DrF, you also forget that in the OP's situation, Joe had an emotional investment.. and when people are emotionally invested in something, then it tends to fuck with their heads... so they don't think so logically or rationally. They then also start double-reading things, doubting, turning things around, etc etc.. Without hearing "I'm not even remotely interested in you", they create scenarios where they could be, and something could happen... instead of taking appropriate (and more rational) actions (like moving on).

Direct hit on head of nail. People who aren't thinking rationally are even less likely than normal to pick up on hints.

[DrFaroohk]

This line of discussion is pretty far off topic. If anyone wants to continue that line of debate, please start a new thread.

Thanks.

Edited to add: If you do decide to start a new thread, DrFaroohk, you'd be well advised to start speaking in generalities instead of specifics. Making threats is a crime in most areas, so you probably shouldn't be admitting to it.

I'm good. I usually change enough minor details so no one could ever really associate me with it in RL.

[Pedersen]

I'm good. I usually change enough minor details so no one could ever really associate me with it in RL.

No, DrF, you're not.

Generalized: Web servers keep logs. These logs are used to generate statistics and analyze what's going on and when. These logs also contain your IP address for every single item you request on a given page. Your ISP also keeps logs. Their logs state which account was attached to which IP at which times.

From there, it's trivial to backtrack from "UserA made this post at this time while using this IP. That means the user was either the owner of the account using that IP, or someone authorized by that account owner."

In this specific case, it would require some cooperation between the American gov't and the UK gov't (since the site is hosted in the UK), but that wouldn't be totally unheard of. And if that cooperation did occur, you would be guaranteed a vacation at an exclusive gender-specific resort with a highly structured day for some time.

Stick to generalities. You've already proven that you're willing to make lives miserable over other people uttering words you don't like. At least have the sense to know that admitting to specific items like the ones you do could result in jail time.

[Skunkle]

Agreed. Gotta be direct.

I fell in love (and I admit, in lust) with a friend early-on. I dropped many hints and, being that this began when I was in my early 20s (think early-teen hormone rush - I was an incredibly late bloomer) some were about as subtle as a sledgehammer. I was a dumbass, and probably came across as overpoweringly creepy, even though this wasn't the idea - I was just clueless. To all of it except my interest, really. She was direct, but polite in her finally turning me down, saying "You're really not my type for a relationship", and that did it. Gave me the final "no".

In my case, this was great. I had no torch to carry any further, so we became JUST friends, and still are. She's a great person, and my care about here is still there, it simply has a cap glued on at the "friends" level, and it works. Probably, in some cases, MANY cases, this won't happen: you'll risk the guy dropping out and cutting ties. But don't feel bad about that - the fiorm, decisive final answer is both necessary to get the point fully across, and the kindest way in the end. You can make your answer final and still be polite - but don't leave any opening. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to take our friendship to that level. You're not my type for a relationship at all" or somesuch to that effect - be NICE, but be FINAL.

And yeah, his buddy, the intermediary, definitely let him down easy. That was bad of him. So it's back to you. Finish it. You can do it, and it'll feel good to know it's over. *nod* For you, and...now or later...for him. He'll be able to move on and find someone who IS interested.