People with no drive, direction or goals

[Mr Slugger]

There's a whole group of things that irk me that can be pushed into this one group, and sorry this becomes a semi-rant.

They're people that just aren't interested in going anywhere, and at times want to reap the benefits. For instance.

My first daughter isn't biologically mine. I adopted her when she was 2. Her father and my wife went out before me and her went out when she was 19. He promised he'd marry her have kids with her, etc. Well she got pregnant and ran for the hills. The only money he ever paid in child support was money the state grabbed when it could, and saw her only once because his mom made him, and ended up driving her right back home because she cried and said she wanted her mommy and daddy . Long story short when I went to adopt Ashley it was going to cost about $2,000 to do it. He owed $6,700 in child support so for an extra $1,500 we had him thrown in jail for thanksgiving, and made his life hell for about 4 months until he paid us the money. Now 10 years later he's still the loser he was back then. He only got married because his wife worked for the money to get married, and kinda forced him. But he still doesn't really work, hasn't went no where. And here where the story kinda gets to me. 6 months ago ashley's grandmother on that side died, and she did know her, etc. So my wife took her to the wake, etc. And he was trying to play the proud dad with his family. Which of course still pisses me off.

But honestly I see this every day and it pisses me off. And you know I understand that sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, or plans change and there's gotta be a time of figuring out what road you're going to go on next. But to just have absolutely no clue. Like for instance there's this 22 year old kid that comes into our store. Doesn't have a job, didn't finish school, survives off of mom, and has no plans other than to smoke pot with his friends. He's got no skills other than probably selling pot, nothing. Hell when I was 22 I was buying a condo and working 70 hours a week to save up money to furnish it. And on the other side I mean I know someone who has a great job, makes great money, but still lives in the projects because he choses to attempt to make more money than he's perhaps worth and thus his jobs are less stable, as well spends most of his money on expensive things. Like he can't be happy with a tv he needs the best tv. Sure he wants to propose to his girlfriend, but he probably never will because he feels he needs to buy her a $8,000 ring. Rather than say a $1,500 one and put the rest down toward an apartment maybe. And it's not always the young. There's an older woman that comes into our store, has worked the same dead end job for the past 15 years. Isn't happy there, doesn't like where her life has gone, but still won't try to change things.

And like for me I mean I've busted my butt since I was 13. Like I said I bought a condo at 22, I decided to get married at 24, got married at 26, bought a house at 27, and now have 2 kids. These were all things I wanted to do. Is everything the way I planned? No. I mean my house is small, we work way too much, etc. But there's always been plan Bs & Cs. I mean my current house is a stepping stone. I'm either going to add on to it at some point or move on. Eventually I want to own my own business with my wife. We thought this job my be the way to it, but the store we're partnered in with someone else hasn't reached it's potential . So at some point it will either turn around or we'll move on. Like I said not everything goes completely right, but at least there's goals out there, and if our goals start looking harder to reach we come up with plans on how to reach them better.

But it just ticks me off when people just kinda stay where they are with no willingness to better things for themselves, or are perfectly happy sponging off others their entire life's, etc.

[Dreamstalker]

And you know I understand that sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, or plans change and there's gotta be a time of figuring out what road you're going to go on next.

Been there. I was forced to change my college major midstream; I probably couldn't have started my job search the way I wanted to even if I'd thought of it (theater major applying for an IT internship, with no IT degree?)

When I graduated, the state agency I'm working with now "didn't want me" to apply anywhere (some logistical thing, I'm not sure how to explain it but that's basically what they said) until I had gone through the paperwork with them...now, after almost 2 1/2 years, something is getting done.

But to just have absolutely no clue. Like for instance there's this 22 year old kid that comes into our store. Doesn't have a job, didn't finish school, survives off of mom, and has no plans

That's the ex in a nutshell. He was a moderate pothead in college, screwed around and got his grades in the sewer (denying his ADD probably didn't help), dropped out (WTF dude you had a practically free ride and all the academic support you could want), and is now in TX with no real ambition. Every so often he tries to get me to move out there with him...yeah, you have a one-bedroom for $300 a month (with crappy wiring, no real insulation and a fire ant mound in the foundation). BUT there's nothing out there for someone like me. His view on any type of schooling is "it's bogus".

But it just ticks me off when people just kinda stay where they are with no willingness to better things for themselves, or are perfectly happy sponging off others their entire life's, etc.

Agreed.

Granted, I'm unemployed and living with mom right now, but at least I have some income and am trying to take the computer classes/certifications I need to up my chances in the job market.

[protege]

I hear ya, G.

I'm in a similar boat. I've had a job since I was about 10...either helping my dad out at his ad agency, or delivering newspapers by 11. I had that paper route all through school, until the paper closed during my senior year of high school. Then it was to working at Hechinger's, and delivering coupon flyers. By college, I worked at camp a few summers, tutored students in accounting, helped out in the computer lab , and then an internship at a bank. As if that wasn't enough, I took care of my grandmother's farm. Oh and I was a full-time student as well. Pretty damn busy, in other words.

Things didn't stop when I graduated either. I was damn lucky to land my current job. Granted, my job sucks ass, and I didn't intend to stay there 12 years. But, I enjoy what I do, but not the bullshit that goes along with it. Now, I can't really afford to quit and get another job. There simply aren't very many jobs in the Pittsburgh area, and very few pay what I make now.

But, the job isn't all bad. Because I didn't have any bills (living with the parents), I was able to save quite a bit of cash. I paid off the school loans several years early, bought a new Mazda (again, paid off well in advance), etc. Later, I'd saved up enough, that I was able to make a down payment on a house by the time I turned 30 As if that wasn't enough, I was 'rewarded' with the MG in 2004. Granted it was a mess, and say what you will about sports car owners, but I think I've earned it. To me, that car was a reward for busting my ass for the past 23 years.

Compare all of that with my younger brother... He's not doing as well. In fact, he's not doing much of anything lately...

He once had an OK job with the county, after he'd graduated from college. He was at it until about 2007, when he was let go. He says he got 'squeezed out," but not all of us believe that. This is a guy with a well-deserved reputation for being lazy, and for having a "you're all beneath me" attitude. Having to do "work" seems to be a foreign concept to him. Unfortunate that it should be his undoing, but oh well.

Up until last year, he was working part-time at the YMCA as a lifeguard. That job didn't last either, but it wasn't really his fault. The Y's director was embezzling money, and forced the place to close.

Supposedly, my brother has had "job offers," and "interviews." However, he's come up with one excuse or another as to why he didn't take them. They either don't pay enough or he feels that they're beneath him. The idiot doesn't realize that even a McDonald's job (and I'm not trying to bash the members who work there, OK?) would be better than nothing...

Instead, he's been out of work almost 2 years, and spends most days at my mother's place...playing video games and watching TV. What little money he does make (or manages to whine for), goes into his video game habit. He doesn't help around the house, and usually cops an attitude with my father. I know that my brother is very resentful of me...mainly that I have a job, the respect of my parents, the cars, etc.

I do know one thing, if he was my kid, his ass would be out on the streets. Sorry, but he's 30 years old, still lives with mommy and daddy, and complained that they were making him pay rent. (Yes, I know I lived at home until I was 30. But, I had a job, paid them rent, did chores, etc. and I was only there until I closed on the house 3 months later )

The reason he's still at my mother's? Well, they *tolerate* him being there. Dad's constantly bitching about how he doesn't work, yet if he says anything, my mother gives him grief about it. That is, that my brother can do no wrong.

[LeChatNoir]

I think everyone knows someone like this. And it does drive me crazy. I haven't always been the most ambitious through my life, but I do have some goals that I am slowly working on. Getting my own car and getting out of my parents house at 25, getting married a year later, and now we're expecting our first child. We are going to be briefly moving back in with my parents until the baby is a few months old, but only to allow us to save some of what we would be paying on rent to put toward a larger place. It's all part of a plan.

Whereas, I have 2 brothers a couple years younger than I am who I think will live with my parents until they are dead. Not that there is anything wrong with that, obviously, since we are going to temporarily move back in with them. But my brothers are the type that give "living with your parents" a bad name. Brother 1 can't hold a job and doesn't have a drivers license because he has been arrested/charged for so much crap that his record is pretty much ruined forever (countless speeding tickets, DUIs, assault, theft...he's fucked up a lot). He's also lazy. If he does manage to get a job, the second his employer asks him to do something that he doesn't like, or actually resembles "work", he makes up some excuse for how he has to quit or get fired or whatever. He does odd jobs for people that he knows, i.e. putting up fences, mowing grass, whatever. But the money he gets just goes to fines and lawyers fees.

My other brother is slightly better. He's been to school to be a cop, but he wasn't able to land a job after graduation so his certification has since expired. So now he works as a security guard, and is laid off half the time, so he doesn't make a whole lot of money. He saves none of his money, and has no plans to move out of my parents. Of course, they don't charge him rent or any other utilities, so why not? (My parents are enablers, which is another rant entirely) All he does is work, play video games, work, go to friends and play video games, etc.

So, basically, I have no respect for those who are content to stagnate in life, mooch off others for a living, and just basically are going nowhere fast. I understand it can take some time to get where you need to be, but you have to at least try and do something for yourself.

[telecom_goddess]

I'm starting to fear my 19 year old daughter will turn out this way...so far she has NO desire to work or contribute anything to the household. She does chores if I specifically ask her...but doesn't just do it of her own volition. She is doing nothing with her life right now. I'm trying to get her interested in job corps.....it's perfect for her. If all else fails I may have her kidnapped into it

[lovlybones]

I am that slacker person, just graduated from college...and I DO think i'm too good for just any job thinking that I have a degree and I should be getting a job in that field. I just feel like i've been doing so much planning to graduate, its like giving up that goal to just settle for less.

I still live at home, and I do nothing around the house, because I don't feel like it. and yet somehow it still gets done so, why should i help?

although I don't have a videogame habit since I barely spend anymoney, I am still looking for a job and I have a second interview today!!! yay!!!

wish me luck in my laziness and wanting to stay at home and live where I don't have to do anything around the house!

[bunnyboy]

Ugh... yeah I kinda fall in that boat, but damn if I'm not trying to get out of it. And seeing some of my friends well I see where it leads.

Take for instance Ex-1. Ex 1 basically got into a bad relationship, and well long story short now has two felonies on her record, no drive to actually go anywhere, nor to get back custody of her kids, nor go on to do anything, when I met here back in HS she was actualy looking at going into nursing, but with a drug charge I doubt she could get it.

Of course I seem to run into a LOT of ex-homeless youth, there have been the rare few who did make it out (one being me) but every time I talk to people I can tell which ones have been homeless, no drive, and not only no drive but half of them seem to want to be the crab that pulls you back down. Either that or there's the escapists.... like Lexus from my newapagiccan thread, no job, no move towards anything, just sits around playing games and when he's not he's basically playing freeform LARP with "magical" content.

And half the problem I've had is ex kids or people who have a glamorous view of the lifestyle, take ex-2, she actually has problems (mental) and even at her worst (believeing everything certain people said, getting fed up with some of the stupid rules we had at my place, getting fed up with my relative/roommate and instead of trying to work something out, she literally left to go be homeless for a few weeks) she's still doing better than 90% of the ex-kids I know, most of whom just spend their day high or spanging because they don't want no stinkin rules governing them.

Drive isn't about what you've done, it's basically are you working towards something, if so then good, if not, please just die so that the rest of us can actually do something.

[Fashion Lad!]

I have a hard time with people that don't know what they want to do or at least have some sort of goal in life.

I'm currently going to school full-time, I work full-time. (I'm tired as hell. Mentally, emotionally and physically.) I help out around the house when I can't. I really can't do anything major as now I've just had my second surgery on my ankle. I'm pretty much going to live off of Vicodin for a while. I'm the one that takes care of all the animals, but I won't be walking the dog for a while. I do live at home, I was out on my own until I had a huge falling out with my roomie and decided that I couldn't take the overall way the house ran. Since it was a quick decision, I moved back home. I was planning on getting an apartment on my own and just going about that way, but my parents decided it would be OK if I lived at home while I finished college to make my life a little more simple. I still pay rent. Like I said, I do handle as many chores as humanly possible for me.

I do play my fair share of video games. I have a PS3, a 52" HDTV and a love sac to sit in, of course I'm going to play video games.

I've been paying for my own things since I was 16. I do mean my own things too. School supplies, school lunches, karate lessons, car insurance, gas, cell phone, car repairs... about the only thing I didn't pay for was boarding aspect of living at home. They fed me and provided me with electricity and heat for free.

My savings as a child were closely monitored, my parents had a goal when I was a kid that every month my savings account would increase by $50. Which isn't bad considering I was making $7 an hour working part time.

Now, I still pay for everything. I make 3x more now than I was then. My savings goes up $400-500 every month depending on what bills I'm having for the month. I watch my savings very closely. I make my money decisions and I try to make the best decisions. Although, I don't always do that because I'm a geek and I love gadgets. "It's shiny, has flashy lights, I'm not sure exactly what it does but I want it."

And when I see people that are given the world by the parents and still chose to do nothing, it makes me sick. Or they spend money on this because they have the money right then and there, but complain to me that they're broke 2 weeks later. GAAAAAAAH! Makes me want to rip my hair out.

[BroomJockey]

My goal? Get a condo. Doesn't have to be huge, or fancy. I want a place I own, not rent, but with no lawn to take care of.

That's it. I have no other ambitions. I don't particularly want a girlfriend, I've got the job I basically want, though maybe eventually some advancement in the career track might be nice, but I'm fine for now. I'm basically done school. I've got most of the gadgets I want, though a home theatre-speaker set up would be nice.

My current apartment is furnished, and I'm just about done paying off my credit card from those expenses, and after that, my savings will probably go up $600/month. Don't have anything planned on what to do with it, besides maybe work on a downpayment for that condo. Hell, I don't even have/want a car. If I get that condo in the next few years, I'll basically be on autopilot. =\ Hmm, I'm working myself in to an existential crisis over here...

[AdminAssistant]

Trying to get a Ph.D.

That doesn't take drive. That takes a certain amount of insanity. That and a willingness to let things like a social life, sleep, hygiene, and eating take a backseat to getting all of the reading done. And grading. And writing.

I just got signed up for a committee. It's great, because it will look good on the service portion of my yearly reviews. But, more work....

[Depot Denizen]

I graduated from high school, took half a year off and started taking classes at the community college, was working at a college doing Computer Ops for a year on the weekends during school, then eventually went full time while I was taking classes. Got the college bug in me and in 2004 I quit my job to go be a full-time student at another college.

2009...still going after my degree after a few setbacks. I didn't work for a year when I first started going to school, then started working part-time at the college tech support office, and later doing that and selling/servicing comps at the college comp store.. Ended up bumping my hours up to 30-40 a week per semester and worked there until this summer. I was the most senior student tech out of the bunch. Last year my dad died and I almost got booted out of school because my grades sucked, luckily I knew some people in the administration and asked the right questions.

On a tip I got from my boss (and her encouragement) I applied for a tech support job at the big hospital in town and earned a position along with a dozen other fine folk (I mean that, too - the folks they hired are great!) while beating out nearly 100 other applicants.

So now I'm working graveyard and living with a few friends of mine - been essentially living on my own sine 2006 - and finishing my goddamn BA this semester. I'm taking 10 credits and still finding time for a devoted girlfriend (who graduated last May from my college) and D&D and dirtbiking. I'm exhausted during the week and I do homework when I'm not answering calls. But god damn if I won't feel accomplished after surviving this.

Unfortunately I have a mound of student loans to pay back, and some other manageable debt. This job finally enabled me to get ahead and enjoy life for a bit, so I'm proud of being successful. It's rough saying this, but I'm making as much money as my dad did, and he was doing his thing for nearly 35 years. I miss the old bastard.

[tabbyblack13]

Trying to get a Ph.D.

That doesn't take drive. That takes a certain amount of insanity.

I agree with that. I saw what the grad students were doing while I was getting my undergrad.


I will admit I'm in a little bit of a down swing right now. I am not happy working for my company right now and I really want to go back to school. I've wanted my masters for over a year now and I think I need to do something like that to get me out of this down swing. Either that or I need to move to a different location within the same company. I hate living here too.