Me Time

[DrFaroohk]

My father is a sports junkie. He'll watch anything athletic on TV and be completely absorbed in it. This is of course fine with everyone. That's what men do! They watch sports!

My brother is a car junkie. He'll watch anything mechanical on TV and he also likes to fix up junk cars. In fact at least 3 nights a week he's outside in the garage until almost dawn fixing up some old vehicle or working on some type of motor. That's also cool. That's what men do! They fix up old cars!

I'm a computer game junkie. I love playing interesting computer games! I just recently started playing one of those Jedi Knight games. This is not ok with ANYONE. Suddenly its some major fucking issue that I might like to spend some time by myself every now and then. If I was watching football, drinking beer, and hitting on women that'd be just fine. I could be out in the garage all night so no one had any fucking clue what I was doing, and that'd be fine. But if I want to sit down for five minutes and play a goddamn game, now I'm being anti-social and irresponsible and very very unmanly. MEN DON'T PLAY VIDEO GAMES! MEN SHOULDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ! MEN BIG STRONG! BEAT CHEST! RAWWWRRRR!!!!!

So that's an exaggeration. But seriously, people have this major problem with it and its annoying. I don't remember the last time I really had some "me time". Sure, I get it forced on me. "Hey, you look like you need some me time, why don't you run to the store and get us some smokes?"

That's not me time. That's a slight break from home and a brief errand. Me time means no one bothers me until I am ready to be bothered. Is that such a terrible, horrible thing? It's not like I want to leave and never come back, I just want some time to myself without having someone right next to me tapping their foot, letting me know how impatient and bored they are and making me feel guilty and being all like "ARE YOU DONE YET!?!?!"

[violetyoshi]

I hear you. It seems gaming has become the "Elvis" of this current generation. The thing kids get, that parents don't, and are stubborn about understanding.

That's not me time. That's a slight break from home and a brief errand. Me time means no one bothers me until I am ready to be bothered. Is that such a terrible, horrible thing? It's not like I want to leave and never come back, I just want some time to myself without having someone right next to me tapping their foot, letting me know how impatient and bored they are and making me feel guilty and being all like "ARE YOU DONE YET!?!?!"

Perhaps you should tell them, that acting like an impatient child is not the way to get what they want. They can think whatever they want of your gaming, but it certainly is better than standing around on the edge of a temper tantrum like a 2 year old waiting to go to the fair.

[telecom_goddess]

I game more than the kids do....except for one

[Rageaholic]

UGH!! I cannot stand that mindset. First of all, it's nobody's business what you do in your free time. It's not like you're plotting to kill anyone (well atleast anyone outside of virtual reality. )

Second of all, maybe gaming is something you actually ENJOY. When people think everyone should like the same things they do, they become close minded fools. I mean, the whole "be a man" thing is such crap. It sounds more like "be an asshole". Seriously, that stuff is all just an image.

Lastly, why can't people accept that not everyone is an extrovert. Introverts are always protrayed as unhuman. Not everyone feels as comfortable in social situations. That's why I like the internet. I can discuss things with people from my bedroom without feeling obligated to entertain them. Maybe some people are good at that stuff, but not me.

So as you can see, I can feel your pain.

[Rageaholic]

I hear you. It seems gaming has become the "Elvis" of this current generation. The thing kids get, that parents don't, and are stubborn about understanding.

If I got a dollar for everytime I heard "When I was a kid, we didn't have (insert modern day electronic device) and did just fine", I would be a rich man!

[Fashion Lad!]

I don't understand why people get so worked up about what people do in their spare time. There could be worse things than playing computer games all day.

I go through something kind of similar. I could spend all day watching sports, playing on my PS3, golfing, tinkering with my car or some kind of gadget... but the second I spend some time on my Rubik's cubes... people get all upset.

People don't like what they don't understand.

[Sableonblonde]

That confounds me because I thought men were always stereotypically the ones who were into video and computer games?

Why are people so worried about what you are doing and how you're spending your time? Maybe you're too friendly? I'm decidely unfriendly and downright unpleasant, so no one bothers me, and I enjoy my 3-8 daily hours on the internet without interruption.

[DrFaroohk]

Man I envy you so much. About being able to be downright unpleasant and whatnot. Sometimes I wish I could be more unpleasant, at least when the situation calls for it, but its just so hard sometimes. It's not really engrained in my personality that well. Even people I can't stand, if they need something I try to help them out, even if it puts me out, and then they take advantage of me.

[violetyoshi]

If I got a dollar for everytime I heard "When I was a kid, we didn't have (insert modern day electronic device) and did just fine", I would be a rich man!

Reminds me of Oprah's week without electronics or something. More like, "Let's go back to how things were in the 50's to make over-authoritarian parents feel nostalgic!"

You want to close your kids off from the world, because you didn't have what they do in your day? It's not only juvenile, it's punitive. It's like a toddler shreiking that you can't have what they don't have.

[guywithashovel]

When I was in college, I lived with my parents. I didn't live in the dorms like a lot of other college students do.

During this time, it took all the effort I could muster up to get any "me time." Whenever I came home from school or work, my mom would get right in my ear and start yammering to me about all sorts of things----elaborate, lengthy details about who she saw at the grocery store that day; elaborate, lengthy details about some situation that my sister had gotten herself into; elaborate, lengthy details about something my dad had done. If she wasn't going on and on about one of these things, she would grill me about taking care of some obligation (like filling out my schedule for the next semester). And if mom wasn't doing any of this stuff, my dad would take the time to give me a lengthy description of everything that was in the refrigerator and cabinets (because apparently I didn't have the good sense to go into the kitchen and look for food if I was hungry).

As if that wasn't enough, whenever I did manage to get some "me time" in my room, someone would come barging in as soon as I got focused on something, wanting to tell me something (usually something petty) or to give me more lengthy, detailed lectures about various and sundry things.

(I know I probably sound bitter and disrespectful, but this really bugged me.)

Odd thing was, this NEVER happened when I was in high school. Back then, I could just come home from school and relax in my room for hours on end, with no one bothering me.

[gremcint]

Odd thing was, this NEVER happened when I was in high school. Back then, I could just come home from school and relax in my room for hours on end, with no one bothering me.

This is what I think is going on here on both sides. You got used to that in highschool, it's now how you are wired nothing wrong with that. The other people in your life have now reached the point where they think you should be growing up and wasting time like that is only for kids so quit wasting time.

Also you are now an adult and therefore they want your input now, by turning 18 you automatically gain good opinions.


Here's some advice to get "me time."

1. Be rude (just say no, say leave me alone, bugger off, I don't care etc.)
if you aren't really the type to be rude or confrontational then here's some other advice that may help:

2. use phrases like, I've had a really long day and I want to relax or I'm pretty beat to drive the point home, don't hint just outright say it.

3. get a lock on your door (don't ask permission just do it) it's not even complicated just get one of those chain locks or whatever 5 minutes with a drill and you're done.

4. if you can't get a lock then there is another way to get people to not barge in: be naked. If they barge in on you while your boobs or balls are out they will immediatley back out of the room and then ask for when you're decent after a few times of this they'll start to knock just for fear of their own sanity.

5. get headphones, the biggest headphones you can find, the bigger the better. When you're sitting in the living room they will bug you but here's the thing you have this condition of when you are wearing the headphones you develop deafness and can't hear them, the reason you want the big headphones is so they see them and start to associate that with you not hearing which leads to you not responding which leads to them leaving you alone.

6. write down how many hours a week they get to spend on whatever and then just say: look you spend 20 hours a week watching sports and I'm not allowed to spend 20 minutes having fun playing video games? that's total crap.

7. and last but not least: just outright ignore them. sit down and play video games, when they start bugging you don't respond. When they start screaming in your ear don't respond, they just don't exist. If they stand in the way of you just play around them. Unless they are bleeding they don't exist, if they block you altogether just say: do you mind?


basically you want your time and privacy back, the only way to do this is to take it by force. You say you don't want to be rude well then quite frankly you get to be a doormat until you start standing up for yourself. You don't have to be very rude but every now and then you just have to stand up and be firm. You do what you want, when you want, how you want, and if they have a problem with that then tough shit.

[guywithashovel]

Some of the advice you gave was pretty good, gremcint, but I don't live with my parents anymore. Right now, I only live with one other person, and I usually have as much privacy as I want. The stuff I was describing in the post you were responding to went on several years ago. And admittedly, back then, I wasn't very good at standing up for myself. I was a passive, timid person, and I didn't like to make waves. If the stuff I described in that post happened now, I would probably say something like, "Listen, I've had a really long day, and I'd like to relax for a little while."

Back then, I was pretty much a doormat. However, I like to think I've moved beyond that now.

[violetyoshi]

7. and last but not least: just outright ignore them. sit down and play video games, when they start bugging you don't respond. When they start screaming in your ear don't respond, they just don't exist. If they stand in the way of you just play around them. Unless they are bleeding they don't exist, if they block you altogether just say: do you mind?

I really wouldn't be able to tolerate that from someone. I'd look at them and say, "Can you act like a big boy/girl and stop dancing around. I'm doing something. You want my attention, you wait until I'm done. There is no reason someone your age needs to be trying to get attention, like a bratty child."