Stop being doormats.

[gremcint]

They always seem to pop up every now and then. These threads where basically the op is being a doormat. There is something going on that they don't like and all they have to do is stand up for themselves to start solving the problem. People being harassed at work, people being bullied or made fun of, people not being able to get time to themselves, people always being expected to help others out with a moments notice, people just wanting to be left alone. Yet these people when given suggestions don't want to cause conflict or don't want to be rude or cause issues or has problems with confrontation.

Well quite frankly, too bad. These things don't go away on their own you are not being polite you are being a doormat. Get a spine.

I've done it to, there was this woman who was very clearing coming on to me. If I had told her right away that I wasn't interested things would have been a lot less awkward but I didn't and I had to be in an awkward situation for quite a while but I could have solved it if I had stood up for myself and said something.

Seriously just grow a spine already.

You don't have to be rude or mean but you have to be clear and firm and refuse to budge an inch you are either going to do that are just keep being harassed and taken advantage of.

[DrFaroohk]

I totally hear you on a lot of that stuff man, but its harder than it looks. I assume at least some of your post is referring to me and my posts about my "me time" and wanting to just do my own thing for a while....and in the past what has happened is this:

"Hey honey whatcha wanna do? You wanna watch this movie? You want to play scrabble? You want to make bracelets for ourselves?"

"Honestly honey, I'm really beat, I just wanted to chill out for a bit."

"Oh that's great! We can chill out! We can make bracelets, or play scrabble, or watch this movie!"

"Ummm...I'm sorry...actually, _I_ wanted some chill time. I just want to play counterstrike for a bit, cool?"

"Oh....well...ummm...fine..." goes away, sulks, I feel guilty, my "me time" has now been contaminated and ruined.

I guess the phrase people would use is that cake and eat it thing...I want to do my own thing and I want to not feel guilty about it. Sometimes I just want to ignore my wife and do what I want. Not that we don't have a great time together, we really do! But I don't always want to do something with someone else.

It's like last night, I assume she read some of my posts again because she was all about letting me be the "computer dj" as in I'm the one who finds the shows and movies and videos we watch. (Its usually her) but the reason I like alone time is not everyone is into what I'm into. I like watching covers of cool bands I like, or I like watching videos of people playing cool games. she does not, and while she doesn't say anything I can practically hear her jaw clenching from boredom. Quite frankly, I'd just assume do without that kind of judgement, which is why I like "me time". No one else around to be bored, and no one else to be responsible for entertaining or to be considerate of, which can turn my fun time into stressful worry time.

[gremcint]

Then schedule it ahead of time, for a while, Just say tomorrow at three I'm playing counterstrike for three hours and not doing anything else unless someone's bleeding.

[DrFaroohk]

Yeah, tried that. Doesn't work.

"Hey, I've been working on getting this game for like 3 days now, trying to make it work, it finally works, now I would like to play it later after you're done with your facebook stuff."

Fifteen minutes into game time..."Hey you wanna do something else now!?!?!?"

[gremcint]

Fifteen minutes into game time..."Hey you wanna do something else now!?!?!?"

response: no I'm good.

and then keep playing.


Honestly from what you are telling me in the different threads, your wife needs a bit of a reality check. Wait until she does something and start interrupting her maybe, or quite frankly just sit her down and tell her this, that sometimes you want to be allowed to do something by yourself and not have her lay on a guilt trip. If she starts going on about how you never spend anytime with her list the things in the other thread show her that you do spend time with her and you want to be able to be alone sometimes without her making you feel guilty. It's either talk to her or let it build up into a fight where you will look like an ass.

If there is anyone that you should not be afraid to talk to then it's your wife, if you are honestly afraid to have a conversation with her about something that is really buggin you then something is really wrong. I know nothing about you, your wife, or your marriage but not talking to your wife about issues you have will only lead to real problems down the line.

[fireheart17]

I can probably add something on that front.

at least from a work perspective, I have trouble trying to deal with certain conflicts. And for some reason I keep becoming the target for bullies. I have no idea why....do I spray myself with asshole attractant or something?

[gremcint]

I have the same problem, they just seem to be drawn to me. I just make it clear where they can shove it.

I prefer the: I don't know or care what your problem with me is, just leave me alone. We are not in highschool, this behaviour is unacceptable if I have to report you I will.