being ignored

[BlaqueKatt]

so yeah it's been over two weeks since my husband gave me a hug, kiss or touched me in any manner-but he goes out of his way to pet the cats.

I brought it up when he got home, and all of a sudden it's my fault because I've been "doing the same thing to him"-well newsflash-I've been the one initiating the contact between us for the past six months or more-I wanted to see how long it would take for him to do something....I told him this-he's now watching TV with a cat in his lap, and I'm still ignored.....I need a good cry.....

[Nyoibo]

That sucks, however I'm going to say this from a guys perspective and keep in mind guys are dumb, yes we are, with you initiating things all the time and then stopping he may have assumed that you weren't interested and he was waiting for you to become interested again, most guys don't pick up on subtle games like this, caveman with club subtlety is about the best you can hope for.

[Flyndaran]

That sucks, however I'm going to say this from a guys perspective and keep in mind guys are dumb, yes we are, with you initiating things all the time and then stopping he may have assumed that you weren't interested and he was waiting for you to become interested again, most guys don't pick up on subtle games like this, caveman with club subtlety is about the best you can hope for.

Not discussing the sexism in that.
I am a social moron, and I can't help but to kiss my love muffin on a daily basis. Going two weeks without any form of spontanious contact would make me depressed.
After even telling a social moron, a good person would initiate contact within 24 hours in my opinon.
He's not a social moron. He's a social jerk.

[Gravekeeper]

That sucks, however I'm going to say this from a guys perspective and keep in mind guys are dumb, yes we are, with you initiating things all the time and then stopping he may have assumed that you weren't interested and he was waiting for you to become interested again, most guys don't pick up on subtle games like this, caveman with club subtlety is about the best you can hope for.

<scratches head>

I must have ovaries. =/

I just can't picture two weeks without any sort of contact.

[Boozy]

I just can't picture two weeks without any sort of contact.

That's because you're not married.

Ba-DUM ching.

Actually, a two-week stretch would be pretty bad for my marriage, but we've probably gone a week without giving each other any affection. Conflicting schedules, bad moods, colds and viruses, etc. These things happen. Marriages aren't usually steady-going. There are peaks and valleys. The trick is to have tons of fun during the highs when you feel extra connected, and not to give a second thought to the lows.

But from the sounds of it, BK is genuinely distressed about this, so this probably isn't just a normal period of mutual distancing. It sounds like they need to talk about it. BK's hubby needs to learn to fullfill his need for affection from his life partner instead of the cats. Good luck, BK. I really hope everything works out for you.

[Gravekeeper]

That's because you're not married.

Ba-DUM ching.

Hehe. I have had long term relationships before, oddly enough. It was just something that was daily in those relationships. Like I said, I just can't picture reaching the end of the day without any sort of contact like that.

It baffles me. Cat doesn't count.

[Nyoibo]

I just can't picture two weeks without any sort of contact.

I don't have to picture it, I've lived it.

[BlaqueKatt]

Like I said, I just can't picture reaching the end of the day without any sort of contact like that.

It baffles me. Cat doesn't count.

which is why I feel like crying-we talked, and although we've been having problems(long story really)......he said he just doesn't feel anything right now-for anything-we went through this before about a year ago-I sent him to a psychiatrist as there were other things going on that suggested schizophrenia(not going into detail but I had some...let's say "questionable injuries" that I didn't get at work)-psychiatrist* said it was "stress" and referred him to a behavioral therapist.....needless to say he didn't go as he was "fine" -now were back to this stage again, I know what comes next-and he still doesn't understand why I don't trust the first diagnosis......I'm at a loss here, no friends to talk to(one that I had moved away-and not in cell coverage area) and can't go to my family or his.....


*psychiatrist talked to him for 15 minutes and pronounced him "normal"-sorry normal people don't sleepwalk or do things in their sleep that cause harm to others.......

[gremcint]

some people are just wired differently, and maybe it's not as big a deal to him.

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm in with GK and the others who don't understand how you can go more than a day or two without some kind of affection. I am married, but only for about 2 months now, we've been living together about 5 months and dating for a year and a half. So it's quite possible that over time we might "settle" and have more hills and valleys like Boozy was talking about. Just seems weird right now because we always have a quick kiss and hug before he goes to work in the morning, when he gets home at night, and usually before we go to bed. At least. I also work from home, so conflicting schedules really aren't an issue for us.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're having a hard time, BK. From your last post, I'd say professional help may be warranted again, if you can find it and get him to go. Just try to impress upon your hubby that you feel very strained and you're worried about him and your relationship and that you're just trying to help make things better. And remember, we're always here if you need someone to talk to!

[Boozy]

Hehe. I have had long term relationships before, oddly enough. It was just something that was daily in those relationships. Like I said, I just can't picture reaching the end of the day without any sort of contact like that.

Talk to me after you've lived with someone for over ten years. At times it can become far too easy to start looking at your life partner like the sofa; a comfortable fixture around the house.

With that said, it's very rare that my husband and I would go a day without a hug and a kiss, at the very least. But I thought it was important for people to realize that going longer than that without physical contact is not necessarily a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can happen, and it's not usually a big deal in long-term committed relationships.

*psychiatrist talked to him for 15 minutes and pronounced him "normal"-sorry normal people don't sleepwalk or do things in their sleep that cause harm to others.......

Sleepwalking (and doing other things in one's sleep) is not usually a sign of a psychiatric disorder. Your husband's brain may not be producing enough of the chemical that paralyzes the body during REM sleep. There's a pill for that. Go see a general practitioner, who will probably refer you to a sleep lab. I hope you have insurance.

[gremcint]

I used to sleepwalk as a child. Me and my voices are perfectly sane.

[blas87]

I feel for you very much, BK.

I hope things start going better for you. I know I'd go nuts without contact for that long, and then attitude on top of it

[Lace Neil Singer]

Speaking from the other side... my boyf has to remind me about physical contact. Due to my AS, I tend to not initiate contact. I don't hug, kiss or touch unless I make an effort to, and I do try; but I ask my boyf to remind me if I fall down on that.

Without knowing your SO, I can't judge, but it might not be anything to do with you. It might be something he's worrying about like a work worry that's affecting him, and you won't know til you talk to him.

[Flyndaran]

Talk to me after you've lived with someone for over ten years. At times it can become far too easy to start looking at your life partner like the sofa; a comfortable fixture around the house..

I have been with my love muffin for almost 11 years. We kiss, hug, and tell each other our love more than once a day. I may not be passionate like the stereotypical young lover, but my love is never ever in doubt.

...Sleepwalking (and doing other things in one's sleep) is not usually a sign of a psychiatric disorder. Your husband's brain may not be producing enough of the chemical that paralyzes the body during REM sleep. There's a pill for that. Go see a general practitioner, who will probably refer you to a sleep lab. I hope you have insurance.

Sleepwalking is very genetic. Fortunately when I sleepwalk, I am freakishly coherent and logical in my actions. My brother, sadly, sleepwalked out a second story window and messed up his feet badly.
As with all problems, get him some help.