Autism as a reason to misbehave

[IDrinkaRum]

You mean I can print out some "Get out of trouble for free 'cos I'm Autistic" cards for my daughter!? That is just completely and utterly ... stupid.

When my daughter is @ Wal-Mart with me and wants a sticker, I make sure she says "May I please have a sticker?" and I make sure she says "Thank you" also.

If she grabs something or tries to walk out the door with something not paid for, I'll make her put it back (usually candy). If something is put in the cart, she knows "this has to be paid for". I've emphasized this over and over again.

It's just the meltdowns that are hard. I'm not sure what sets her off. Though I do know that she is afraid of a father of one of her classmates. The gentleman (a very nice guy, I've talked to him) has an accent and that frightens her. But other times? In the middle of Wal-Mart? The grocery store?

Like today @ Best Buy. We're walking down the aisles very nicely and all of a sudden, Child Rum wraps her arms around my waist, and won't move because she didn't like the aisle we were going to go down. *shrugs* we went down another aisle. However, she couldn't tell me what scared her, just that she was scared.

[LadyMage]

You mean I can print out some "Get out of trouble for free 'cos I'm Autistic" cards for my daughter!? That is just completely and utterly ... stupid.

When my daughter is @ Wal-Mart with me and wants a sticker, I make sure she says "May I please have a sticker?" and I make sure she says "Thank you" also.

If she grabs something or tries to walk out the door with something not paid for, I'll make her put it back (usually candy). If something is put in the cart, she knows "this has to be paid for". I've emphasized this over and over again.

It's just the meltdowns that are hard. I'm not sure what sets her off. Though I do know that she is afraid of a father of one of her classmates. The gentleman (a very nice guy, I've talked to him) has an accent and that frightens her. But other times? In the middle of Wal-Mart? The grocery store?

Like today @ Best Buy. We're walking down the aisles very nicely and all of a sudden, Child Rum wraps her arms around my waist, and won't move because she didn't like the aisle we were going to go down. *shrugs* we went down another aisle. However, she couldn't tell me what scared her, just that she was scared.

those two examples you mentioned, the accent and the aisle thing, are understandable, and you either try for a work around or figure it out. Later on your kid is gonna know "hmmmm either figure out what is wrong or work around it" cause its what mommy and daddy did with her as a child.

[blas87]

I don't think anyone on this board doubts your ability to parent, Rummy.

We are all proud of you and hold you in the highest respect for what you do. And we're all without a doubt that your daughter is going to grow up to be a great young lady

[MystyGlyttyr]

It's just the meltdowns that are hard. I'm not sure what sets her off. Though I do know that she is afraid of a father of one of her classmates. The gentleman (a very nice guy, I've talked to him) has an accent and that frightens her. But other times? In the middle of Wal-Mart? The grocery store?

Like today @ Best Buy. We're walking down the aisles very nicely and all of a sudden, Child Rum wraps her arms around my waist, and won't move because she didn't like the aisle we were going to go down. *shrugs* we went down another aisle. However, she couldn't tell me what scared her, just that she was scared.

Lemme just say...sometimes we don't know what it is either.

I can be walking through the store with my parents, fine and dandy, no big concerns, and all of a sudden something, I don't know what, just suddenly rears up and goes "HOLY SHIT RUN AWAY." Typically my folks just give me the car keys so I can run out and hide in the backseat until it stops. If I'm by myself...then usually I abandon my cart and bolt out the door to do the same thing. Once in a while, it's been so bad that I would drive all the way home (something like 30 miles) rather than finish my shopping.

Wish I could explain it. It's just like...everything rushes up to meet you all at once for no reason.

[IDrinkaRum]

Thank you Blas for the kind words. I try, boy do I try.

Mysty - the same thing happens to you? I know Child Rum isn't exactly unique in her reactions, but I've very rarely seen/read about it in action for someone else.

Lace - I'm hoping one day soon, she'll figure out what's bothering her, or she'll work around it. I'm not going to be with her every day so she needs to learn to cope.

[Kimmik]

Lace - I'm hoping one day soon, she'll figure out what's bothering her, or she'll work around it. I'm not going to be with her every day so she needs to learn to cope.

Sometimes there is no explaining it... I am not autistic but do suffer from other issues... My husband is very understanding.. as sometimes he has to turn a show that he is watching because something about it agitates me. We have gone to movies, stores, etc where we have had to leave because something, heavens only knows what, triggered a panic/agitation response.

I try to figure it out or explain it... but there is no explanation... talk about annoying.

as for the op...
when you have a child that has problems... you don't excuse them away... you find ways to help them overcome it, work around it, or extract them from the situation.. but never just throw your hands up and go well they suffer from x nothing I can do....

[Lace Neil Singer]

You mean I can print out some "Get out of trouble for free 'cos I'm Autistic" cards for my daughter!?

Ooh, print me some out too! Shame on my parents for bringing me up properly to behave myself in public, and shame on you for doing likewise.

I'm pretty sure that a lot of the children who are behaving like little maniacs in public are suffering from nothing more than poor parenting. -.- I know that Aspergers at the moment is a fashionable self diagnosis, and probably for that reason; people think it gives them the right to act like dickheads.

I wouldn't trust any self diagnosis; only one given by a doctor, not by some mother who thinks her liddle pwecious should be allowed to do what it wants.

I tend to cope in busy supermarkets as long as I either have someone there to chatter to (I go food shopping with my Dad) or have music to distract me. Otherwise, the row makes me clench my head and give myself a headache.

[IDrinkaRum]

Kimmik - you do have a point. It's not just autistic children/people.

There is a gelato/ice cream place that I will never ever set foot in again after the initial first time I visited. It's in the town I live in too. I went into the place, and literally started to panic as soon as I entered the threshold. Hubs looked at me funny when I booked it right back out, and he teases me about it, but he's never expressed interest in going back there.

I have no clue what came over me, but it scared me enough that I decided I didn't need to experience that again.

[violetyoshi]

I got the idea reading a few threads and honestly this bugs me to death.

Autism is a neurological disorder that sometimes makes it hard to understand social situations, among other things. That said, there is also a rise in Autism and Asperger cases in the US (a rant for another day actually). So it stands to reason that more people would understand how to teach their children how to act in public and be able to explain it in a way that can be processed by a brain that is basically wired differently, right?

Boy is that proven wrong, ignoring the fact that a lot of parents with neuro-typical children fail to teach manners, many parents use the autism as a reason for the kids behavior. Kid screaming in a mall "Oh he doesn't know any better, he is autistic" Kid stealing from another child, same excuse and so on. I makes me NUTS to see these kids who are high functioning or even low functioning get away with this when most of the parents I grew up with, including my own DID NOT LET THE CHILD GET AWAY WITH MURDER (figuratively of course) they would get the child out of the area to deal with later or correct the behavior in the best possible way. They did not brush it off with the disability, they owned up and fixed the problem as best they could!

Another issue is people who are diagnosed later on that do the same thing for themselves. They will lick people (heard about a case), act badly, be rude and gross, loud, nasty, moody and spoiled if they don't get their way. If confronted they say "well I am an aspie/autistic person so I can't help it" BULLSHIT!!! I am autistic and know how to behave around people, its not an excuse to act like a fucking ill behaved gutter dweller, its a reason to TRY HARDER TO KNOW HOW TO ACT. It makes the rest of us look bad. Oh and don't try and use it as a sympathy ploy either around me. I have seen this too, but I got a newsflash, EVERYONE HAS A HARD TIME IN LIFE! That is basically what life is, ups and downs and the downs tend to suck.

just had to get that off my chest, its been bugging me for years

It makes it awful for those of us, who are Aspie/Autistic to get a long in a society which is already biased against us. I'm Aspie, BTW.

[Dreamstalker]

Me too. It seems that, thanks to the jerks who do use it as an excuse, us legit cases get the short end of the stick ("she has Aspergers? I need to be harsh with her because she's probably going to be impossible").

Case in point: Game Store boss knew, so his brilliant idea was to ride my ass.

did you list this?--I'm researching it

why does Seller X have it for $5?--they're an individual, if we list it that low we are violating the vendor contract

why aren't you on the listing page?--I have it on another open tab, the page is down right now so nobody can get to it
(basically, anything other than the actual listing process was viewed as screwing around...I have to do research, billing, shipping plus all the non-sales stuff you want me to do like returns)

I don't know about anyone else here, but the more I'm harped at about any one thing, the more I'll tend to dig in my heels. Tell me ONCE, maybe twice if something changes, and then let me alone to actually get it done kthx.

[Flyndaran]

I don't have autism, but I am very plagued by social and weird general fears.
If something is too wonderful, even something as minor as a really good tv program, a switch may flip in my head and I become too afraid to enjoy it.
I have to control my emotions like a freakin' vulcan for fear of intense fear.

As to stalker-ish behavior, sometimes it really is due to social ineptitude.
I once followed a just met person home. Only afterward did I realize how intensely creepy that was. A big odd guy following a nearly blind woman home should be an obvious no-no. But these obvious things aren't to me. I have to check my behavior constantly for fear of doing something so stupid as to make others a bit afraid... on the rare times I leave my apartment that is.

[XCashier]

group two-Girl scout outing with fathers and mothers setting up a picnic(half setting up half supervising the kids on the equipment)-walked by them with toddler under my arm still kicking and screaming, having total meltdown-Father in the group-"ah overstimulated kid-I understand, need some help getting him to your car, he looks heavy and very disagreeable at the moment" After I explained I was taking the bus and had to get to the bus stop-and continued walking-he went back to his group-they wrangled up a mother with a carseat in the group and offered me a ride home. Two of the scouts came with us and kept my son amused on the way(they took turns reading to him).

Wow! Hooray for the Scouts! They know where it's at! I agree with AdminAssistant, they should get some merit badges, or at least some points towards merit badges, for going above and beyond for other people like that.

[fireheart17]

group two-Girl scout outing with fathers and mothers setting up a picnic(half setting up half supervising the kids on the equipment)-walked by them with toddler under my arm still kicking and screaming, having total meltdown-Father in the group-"ah overstimulated kid-I understand, need some help getting him to your car, he looks heavy and very disagreeable at the moment" After I explained I was taking the bus and had to get to the bus stop-and continued walking-he went back to his group-they wrangled up a mother with a carseat in the group and offered me a ride home. Two of the scouts came with us and kept my son amused on the way(they took turns reading to him).

Nice work on their behalf! Those kids are going to grow up well.

You mean I can print out some "Get out of trouble for free 'cos I'm Autistic" cards for my daughter!? That is just completely and utterly ... stupid.

My boyfriend's sister has neurofibromatosis (I think that's how you spell it) and his mother has some little bookmarks with a bit of info about NF. From what I've seen, she's a bit more moody than most other girls her age (she's about my age) and tends to state the obvious quite a bit more than others, but other than that, you couldn't tell that she has difficulties (I'm not too sure to put it as a disability or a disease). I think the bookmarks are handed out to visitors or to those in public who might not understand why she's acting that way.

I don't think anyone on this board doubts your ability to parent, Rummy.

We are all proud of you and hold you in the highest respect for what you do. And we're all without a doubt that your daughter is going to grow up to be a great young lady

Agreed! It might take a while, but we don't doubt that she'll become a beautiful young lady.

[violetyoshi]

Yes, people with Autism or Asperger's get sympathy and assistance when they're children. When they're adults they're left to fend for themselves.

[LadyMage]

I'm pretty sure that a lot of the children who are behaving like little maniacs in public are suffering from nothing more than poor parenting. -.- I know that Aspergers at the moment is a fashionable self diagnosis, and probably for that reason; people think it gives them the right to act like dickheads.

don't even get me started on that one, I swear every other person I meet as a diagnoses of aspergers, from a doctor, I take one look at the kid or the person (I kind of know a few key signs) and while I am no doctor, I doubt it and just want to say get a second opinion, just to be sure. And the self ones are WORSE!! I have friends who got 'diagnosed' from redbook, and while a bit off I doubt it was autism, just general geekiness. Its things like that making me headdesk when I see someone use it as an excuse more so then it should