Stupid people...

[blas87]

Sometimes it's really hard to tell....we want to give the benefit of the doubt and just think it was a foot in mouth moment, but there are always people out there who don't ever think and say some truly heartless things.

[LadyMage]

My great grandmother was declared brain dead and we should just pull the plug. A little while later she woke up without any obvious impairment.
Sometimes doctors really are full of shit.

yes there are bad doctors, but you wanna bet that was lucky and rare? and something tells me this baby was braindead for a longer amount of time the your great grandma

so I sand by my statment, if you are braindead, you are not waking up

[violetyoshi]

I have to ask this, HOW CAN SOMEONE GET BETTER FROM BEING BRAINDEAD!! I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv but I think braindead basically means dead, the brain isn't working anymore and never will, just for some reason the heart and lungs are working and will give out eventually anyway. oiy sorry but that question alone would have made ME run at the person to give their neck a 'hug' and I am not even in your situation or could even dream of understanding how upset you are, or your husband for that matter

Perhaps it's that the people who made the comments towards her, were the living braindead.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Ugh... that sounds like the crap spouted by a moron after a good friend of mine was killed in a motorbike accident.

"Well, what do you expect when you choose to ride a motorbike?"

Had my boyf not been there to restrain me, I would have planted a fist in the idiot's face for being so insensitive.

Condolences on your loss; I will never be able to understand the pain of losing a child, nor would I wish that on everyone.

[Flyndaran]

Ugh... that sounds like the crap spouted by a moron after a good friend of mine was killed in a motorbike accident.

"Well, what do you expect when you choose to ride a motorbike?"

Had my boyf not been there to restrain me, I would have planted a fist in the idiot's face for being so insensitive.

Condolences on your loss; I will never be able to understand the pain of losing a child, nor would I wish that on everyone.

Ah yes, the old it's acceptable to think something, but to actually say it is considered very rude.
Motorbikes are called donor mobiles for a reason. But grieving relatives are by definition not rational and ready for an unemotional discourse on vehicle safety.

[Ree]

Could we please steer clear of the discussion about whether brain dead is permanent.
I'm sure the OP doesn't need to read that kind of discussion.

In fact, in my opinion, discussing it at all in this thread comes off as insensitive as those who made those comments to Kimmik.

[guywithashovel]

Wow. Those are some pretty insensitive things to say. Granted, sometimes well-intentioned people just happen to stick their feet in their mouths when they hear about stuff like this. I'm sure I have on a few occasions. But I honestly can't bring myself to give any benefit of the doubt for the "How could you kill him?" one. That one is just disgusting.

My sister went through something similar this past spring. She and her husband were having a baby, and the day they induced labor, the baby was born dead. Fortunately, people have been pretty supportive. The only "insensitive" things people have said to her have been accidental foot-in-mouth things.

Of course, there's no way that their baby's death could be blamed on them. Most of the evidence points to it being the hospital's negligence. For example, her OBGYN was gone most of the day she was in labor and was not able to authorize a C-section when the baby got flipped over in the birth canal. Also, a few other women have had the same kinds of things happen to them at that hospital. One time they even had to revive the mother.

Someone really needs to investigate that place.

[Slytovhand]

Stupid people...

Some manage to make it into the Darwin Awards, and others will just eventually go into a special hell Darwin has put away for them...

I'm sorry for your loss Kimmik, and as for those morons... well, as I implied, some actually do stupid things, and others only say them (and the rest of us just think them ). And the vast majority of people on this planet don't know how to take responsibility for virtually anything in their lives.. so it's no wonder such things can be said or done.

(and then there are the evil ones... evil is just bit further along from stupid).

[Depot Denizen]

That's a horrible thing that you had to endure. I couldn't possibly understand what you went through. My condolences for your loss, however.

[Kimmik]

The good news is Abby is doing great, though this pregnancy is a bit rougher on me. I have already had to take leave. But something I learned is that there are some very mean people out there... and something like this tends to turn off their filters.

I had a person I know have a still birth... a co-workers comment.... "Well they have other children so they will be fine." I wont print my response as It was very not nice. If I wasnt on leave I probally would have been fired.

[protege]

The good news is Abby is doing great, though this pregnancy is a bit rougher on me.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. But, it's good to hear that Abby is doing great.

I had a person I know have a still birth... a co-workers comment.... "Well they have other children so they will be fine."

Pardon my French...but that's fucked up. I just have to ask, what the FUCK was going through that person's mind when they said that? Who cares if they have other children? How the hell does that matter?

I ask this, because it's happened in my own family. Not my *immediate* family--my grandparents and my uncle each lost a daughter. I would have had another aunt and cousin...had they not died shortly after childbirth in 1950 and 1974 respectively. Anyway, I'm sure if someone would have said that to my grandfather...they would have found themselves buried in his "back 40" Sure, my grandparents had other kids, but still. Who the hell thinks like that?

[AdminAssistant]

I know that Mom had a miscarriage, sometime between my sister and me. I think that's why she has always been so superprotective of me - there were a few serious concerns during the pregnancy followed by a long, difficult labor. At any rate, she still doesn't really talk about the miscarriage, at all. I've tried asking, but she just shuts off...what a horrible thing to go through.

[Savannah]

I'm not the most tactful person in the world and I have a fair number of brain-to-mouth filter failures, but I can't imagine how someone could say any of those things. Sheesh...

Good luck with Abby. (Cute name!)

[MaggieTheCat]

An ex-boyfriend of mine had an older brother (whom he never met) who died of SIDS when he was very young. His mother already had 2 older daughters (in their teens) and got pregnant on accident. Her and her husband were devastated when the baby boy died, and they went on to have 2 more children (my ex and his little brother) despite the fact that they had thought they didn't want any more children after the older girls. The mother and both the sisters are still in some kind of SIDS awareness/charity program.

So yeah, it doesn't matter that someone may already have children. Losing a child is a horrible experience that I can't even begin to imagine, since I've never been pregnant myself, and no parent should have to endure insensitive comments like these.

[DesignFox]

I am so appalled that people would even THINK those things, let alone say them! How completely insensitive! I'd say I would throttle someone if they ever said something like that, but I think I'd more likely be paralyzed by shock (then I'd throttle them if they hadn't made a hasty exit by the time I recovered).

I am so sorry to hear this story. I cannot fathom what you and your husband must have gone through in those moments.

"Oh you're having another one..." What the HELL kind of thing is that to say? "Oh they have OTHER children" Seriously???

These are children, not material objects!

I could rant on, but I don't want to cause any more pain by saying something dumb by mistake. I'm just appalled.

Kimmik, you and your husband have my deepest sympathies.

All the best to your new little one who is on the way.