Babying Your Deadbeat Adult Children

[protege]

Where did he do that?

I was wondering that myself, Raps

Anyway, I guess the main reason I'm a bit annoyed with my brother, is because of how he treats my parents. They're in their 60s, and shouldn't have to deal with his crap any longer. They should be enjoying their retiring years. Instead, they're busy having to deal with not only his problems, but also the pressures of work and maintaining a household.

My brothers actually do very little for my parents. Both are constantly complaining about how "bad" my parents are and how much it "sucks" that they live with them. It wouldn't surprise me if when their health starts failing...that I'll get stuck dealing with it. Of course, I'm also the one who gets called if there's a problem. Not too surprising, since I'm the only one who will lift a finger if they need it.

[blas87]

Hearing you loud and clear, protege. My bf's mother took early retirement from her job (even though she's about 10 years younger than your parents) and she's not really enjoying herself much having to raise a child all the hell over again.

[Flyndaran]

Where did he do that?

Rapscallion

I don't know if it's best to respond after forgetting about this thread, but Protege said that "he" dealt with mental illness but didn't watch tv or play video games all day as if to say that those that do are lazy losers.
Being a shut-in about all I can do is play video games and watch tv.

[Rapscallion]

I don't know if it's best to respond after forgetting about this thread, but Protege said that "he" dealt with mental illness but didn't watch tv or play video games all day as if to say that those that do are lazy losers.
Being a shut-in about all I can do is play video games and watch tv.

I read and reread his post. I didn't get that from it at all.

Rapscallion

[depechemodefan]

He has Lyme disease and is a hypochondriac? He sounds like Miss Hoover.

My half-brother sponged off my dad (his father). hb would play guitar at restaurants, but besides being a preacher, he didn't work. My dad had my mom get everything in his will. So I don't know if that is mean, to disinherite my hb, or karma. Granted, my mom didn't sponge off my dad, and she managed the money and put up with a lot of craziness from my dad.

[blas87]

If I didn't mention it before, bf and his brother actually got into a physical altercation a few weekends ago.

Remember the tantrums his brother throws if we wake him up?

Well, that particular morning, he wanted to change his oil, using the garage attached to the guest house, which is where bf lives. Nope, the regular garage wasn't good enough. I think he wanted to just to wake up and piss off bf.

Anyway, he came up to the door and pounded on it, louder than the cops would. He pounded and pounded to where the door was almost giving, and he was screaming as loud as he could to my bf to get the hell up and answer the fucking door...

Bf woke up in a rage and answered the door and they scuffled and I buried myself under the covers and rolled my eyes and said "Boys, knock it the fuck off!"

When it was all over, his brother ran inside the house and told Mommy, and their mom got all mad at my bf and took his brother's side....but I did hear that later that day, they talked and she did realize that his brother was in the wrong and is a total hypocrite about being woken up. It still doesn't stop her from taking his side constantly, though.

Yep, he's so weak and sick....but he can get into a fight with his brother and pound on a door almost hard enough to bust it in, and he can yell and torture his vocal chords and it's all good.

[Flyndaran]

I read and reread his post. I didn't get that from it at all.

Rapscallion

It read like a complaint "net" cast so wide that it snared others as well as the intended target.

[blas87]

Thread bump!

Well, things haven't gotten much better. I really have no one else to talk to but you guys about it, because my bf and I don't agree.....and well, it's really none of my business....but he and his parents are still going about this the wrong way.

There have been many more incidents since I originally wrote this, but I don't have time to list them all. We'll skip the most recent one.

For quite a long time, his brother has been buying prescription meds online from foreign countries. Antiobiotics, stuff like that. His most recent find was injectable penacillin (sp?) from Germany.

I don't know the legalities of this stuff, but he ordered it, it was supposed to come in 1-2 weeks, the 2 week day came, and the package still wasn't there. He instantly goes off the deep end accusing my bf of stealing his injectable penacillin.

First of all, wtf would my bf have to do with penacillin? Second of all, why would my bf want to shoot something like that up?

Anyway, he WILL NOT let it go. Finally, bf's parents have came to the hard realization that yes, his brother is crazy. It's not just Lyme (which still has not medically been confirmed if he has it or not, as I came to find out recently), he is fucking CRAZY. Paranoid and crazy.

He is threatening to call the cops on my bf. Keeps threatening. Every day. Granted, bf has nothing to hide, but he is on probation. He has no right against search and seizure.....the cops can come anytime and search anything they want if they get a call about him. So even if he has nothing, it looks bad anyway that he had police contact.

Bf and his parents are desperately trying to convince his brother that NOT ONLY is he being crazy and unreasonable, but calling the cops is not going to do any good. First of all, he has not even found out if the package was LOST or is running late, because he was too lazy to get a tracking number and just keeps calling and bitching to customer service, and second of all....there has to be something illegal about ordering prescription drugs online without a doctor. Third of all, it would make their dad look bad, because he is a pharmacist and he should know better than to allow that garbage in his house.

Bf and I argued a bit, I argued his parents need to forbid those drugs in the house and kick him out for being so disrespectful and selfish and causing so many family problems. Bf argues that what if he does something stupid? I said "Well, sometimes people need to hit rock bottom and do something dumb before they get the help that they need."

UGH.

[elsporko]

Family friends had a daughter who got Lyme disease and none of the medical treatments they tried worked. She went from valedictorian to dropping out of college and not being able to hold a job because she was simply too fatigued all the time. The guys being a jerk but have some sympathy. When you sleep all the time and never feel rested it makes your life extremely stressful.

[blas87]

I must ask you, when you have time, please go back a few pages and please read my original post and the following events or incidents that I posted before I bumped this thread last night.

What his brother is doing is beyond just being fatigued and weak from a disease he supposedly has (did I mention that although I had thought from day one that he really had it, come to find out recently he has never actually been diagnosed with it?). It's more than being a pain in the ass, alienating his own baby brother by trying to jeopardize his likelihood of getting off of probation (which, by the way, are the same offenses he was once or twice on probation for himself!), and manipulating his parents into mollycoddling him so that he gets his way and can get away with whatever behavior or actions he wants, even if illegal.

Pardon the comparison, but on the days he doesn't have the mental or physical strength to accuse my bf of stealing his illegal foreign prescription drugs or get into a fist fight with him, he acts as weak a terminal cancer patient and almost demands to be treated as such. I have never seen him so much as clean up after eating supper or even put a dish in the dishwasher or pick up a feather duster.

I fear for the possibility that maybe his drugs were flagged or seized instead of lost or running late, and that the entire family may be subject to party of crime because of knowing what he's been up to for so long but never doing anything about it. The defense would hold no water, because it's weak. "We didn't stop him or tell the authorities or his doctor because we didn't want him to do anything crazy or hurt himself."

Before you judge me to be a selfish or unsympathetic bitch, please go back and read the entire story.

[kibbles]

Just for the record, I don't think you are being selfish or unsympathetic at all. You stated in your main post that you initially had sympathy until you found out what the brother was really like. And yes, his family may want to prevent him from doing something stupid but how much does someone have to twist their lives around to ensure that?

I think with everything that's going on, you are being especially patient.

[protege]

I don't think she's being selfish either

Blas, things have been getting just as interesting at my parents' place. Sometime over Easter brunch, my father let it slip that he was trying to get all of his retirement things in order. I don't know if that was to play on my brothers' greed, or what, but their little ears did perk up.

Not sure why, because I know that my parents have no money. Dad was out of work for so long, that they couldn't set anything aside. I do know that Dad has some cash set aside, but not very much. I do know the amount--he told me because he didn't want me to worry about him. I haven't told my brothers anything about that, nor do I intend to. Dad told me to keep it quiet, and I'm not about to betray his confidence.

What I do know, is that my father *is* planning on screwing them both over. If he gets his way, they're not seeing a penny I hate to say it, but they did it to themselves--they literally treat him like shit. He's tired of it, and I don't blame him.

[blas87]

Protege, your dad is my new hero. That's just deliciously evil.

What can ya say, they reap what they sow, right?

[boringscreenname]

This thread reminds me of my younger brother who is 22. When my mom and step-dad divorced, he stayed with our step-dad and has never been forced to grow up. My brother has never held down a job, has gotten into all sorts of scuffles with the law, and Daddy bails him out. He also had a pregnancy scare with a 15 year old girl. Instead of finding employment, various family members helped him get on disability, so now all he does is sit on his ass watching tv, playing video games, sleeping or getting into trouble with the law.

I refused to have anything to do with him for a couple years, after I moved away. Then my mom said he wanted to talk to me. So I reluctantly called him. Only to find out that the only reason he wanted to talk to me, is so he could try and convince me to give him my laptop or buy one for him. I refused and told him that I would help him find a cheap laptop, but ultimately he had to pay for it. He refused, and still demanded a laptop from me, and when I held my ground I was called a "selfish bitch."

After that I went about 2 years without talking to him. Then out of the blue he sends me an instant message. I had a child, and did not tell him, which pissed him off because he felt entitled to know about the arrival of my child. I told him that he had no right to any of my family's business, and that my children wouldn't even know of his existence, because he is not a positive influence or role model in any way shape or form.

He didn't take kindly to that, and told me that I was a horrible mother who wasn't capable of taking of her children, and that he hopes CPS intervenes and takes my children. After that I cut off all contact with him. Luckily he lives over 600 miles away so it's not hard to cut him out of our lives completely.

[blas87]

boringscreenname, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Isn't it so funny when overgrown pampered babies like them turn around and call you selfish or crazy or rude when you say no to them?