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I've noticed a lot lately, on the Intermanets and in life that people seem to have forgotten the reality of a situation trumps how a situation should be, or how a person should act.
Stuff ranging from "If your child acts up while you're out, immediately remove them from the situation as punishment. You need to do this every time or you're sending an inconsistent message" to "You should tell your boss you're not doing that, you're not supposed to, or you'll quit" to "man up and stand for your principles."
Yeah, all that sounds like good advice, yet often the reality of the situation shows that the advice-giver has nothing of actual value to offer since they can't reconcile how things should work with how they do work.
In the child example, if a person has a string of errands, and most are time-sensitive, you cannot reasonably expect them to abandon, say, a cart of groceries amassed over the past half-hour, because the kiddling cannot have a box of Lucky Charms and has a meltdown over it. That wastes the half-hour spent already, plus more time in the future to go and do it again. Some people just do not have that time to waste. Reality intrudes on idealism, but these people can't grasp that and call people bad parents for letting their kid scream in the cart.
In the "you should quit" example, I think that one's obvious, so I'll just sum it up "a person's gotta eat, and jobs aren't easy to find."
The "stand for your principles" one is a bit touchier. It'd be nice if no one ever had to compromise their beliefs for the sake of a job, or for a friendship, or anything, but again, reality means things aren't perfect. The saying "go along to get along" is one aspect, in that you can avoid needless confrontation by simply smiling, nodding, and ignoring the fuck out of a problem
By way of example, you believe that fur clothing is cruel, and a co-worker who you need to interact with regularly in a significant aspect has just gotten a fur-trimmed sweater. You could either preach to them about how evil the fur industry is in their horrible treatment of animals, probably damaging your working relationship to the point where they may actively sabotage your efforts, or you could let it slide, make note not to invite them to any parties, and salvage the working relationship.
Then there's "You scratch my back, I scratch yours." You trade favours. I let you use my car, you let me borrow your cell phone, or I'll work Christmas day, you work New Year's Day. Or, "I won't blackball your idea to switch to a new supplier, you don't put the kibosh on my plan to get a new vending machine," or "I'll vote in favour of your party location proposal if you vote in favour of my recycling mandate."
To make it clear, though, I'm not jumping on anyone who offers the advice initially, but those who think their ideal response is still the best (and maybe only valid) one, even after it's been made clear the real world has precedence over their little rainbow version. That's when I say "nice, I like advice that applies in this universe, though."
Stuff ranging from "If your child acts up while you're out, immediately remove them from the situation as punishment. You need to do this every time or you're sending an inconsistent message" to "You should tell your boss you're not doing that, you're not supposed to, or you'll quit" to "man up and stand for your principles."
Yeah, all that sounds like good advice, yet often the reality of the situation shows that the advice-giver has nothing of actual value to offer since they can't reconcile how things should work with how they do work.
In the child example, if a person has a string of errands, and most are time-sensitive, you cannot reasonably expect them to abandon, say, a cart of groceries amassed over the past half-hour, because the kiddling cannot have a box of Lucky Charms and has a meltdown over it. That wastes the half-hour spent already, plus more time in the future to go and do it again. Some people just do not have that time to waste. Reality intrudes on idealism, but these people can't grasp that and call people bad parents for letting their kid scream in the cart.
In the "you should quit" example, I think that one's obvious, so I'll just sum it up "a person's gotta eat, and jobs aren't easy to find."
The "stand for your principles" one is a bit touchier. It'd be nice if no one ever had to compromise their beliefs for the sake of a job, or for a friendship, or anything, but again, reality means things aren't perfect. The saying "go along to get along" is one aspect, in that you can avoid needless confrontation by simply smiling, nodding, and ignoring the fuck out of a problem
By way of example, you believe that fur clothing is cruel, and a co-worker who you need to interact with regularly in a significant aspect has just gotten a fur-trimmed sweater. You could either preach to them about how evil the fur industry is in their horrible treatment of animals, probably damaging your working relationship to the point where they may actively sabotage your efforts, or you could let it slide, make note not to invite them to any parties, and salvage the working relationship.
Then there's "You scratch my back, I scratch yours." You trade favours. I let you use my car, you let me borrow your cell phone, or I'll work Christmas day, you work New Year's Day. Or, "I won't blackball your idea to switch to a new supplier, you don't put the kibosh on my plan to get a new vending machine," or "I'll vote in favour of your party location proposal if you vote in favour of my recycling mandate."
To make it clear, though, I'm not jumping on anyone who offers the advice initially, but those who think their ideal response is still the best (and maybe only valid) one, even after it's been made clear the real world has precedence over their little rainbow version. That's when I say "nice, I like advice that applies in this universe, though."
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