Family... well In laws in this case

[Kimmik]

Sorry but I needed to vent some where as I have spent the night in tears. My friend is planing this really nice baby shower for me... We never had one for Shayne.. And my MiL and her mother and sisters are being absolute guttersnipes.

They live about 45 min away and we have been having car trouble, and I am to terrified to drive that far alone and the hubby works nights. They have decided that because they were not delivered hard copy invitations that they will not grace my baby shower. I called the MiL to let her know when it was and that I was inviting them over the phone since I dont have their address and couldnt drive out there.

It is bad enough that my mother is on the west coast and her and my dad are having health issues so they cant make it out. Now because I wasnt good enough to make sure they had a hard copy they refuse to come.

WTF!!!

I mean yes it is nice to get a formal invitation... but I wasnt doing that. I cant afford that... we did little flyer like things they were really cute... but because I the scum of the earth didnt make sure to drive out there and deliver it they will not come.

Though they may throw me a little "family" shower in dec... for all that is holy and sparklely I am haveing the baby in DEC...

ok now I am depressed feeling really isolated and like the worst person on the face of the planet... It is hard enough that my friend had to con me into the baby shower.... I mean dont get me wrong... I am excited... but untill Abby is in my arms and home... all I can see is loseing her like I lost her brother... and now his family is being farking assmunchkins.

Meh I need a hole to crawl in.

[MaggieTheCat]

:hugs: I'm sorry, hon. You should get together with Rummy. She knows all about in-law issues.

Does your hubby know how upset you are? Is there any way he could talk to them himself and convince them to come? I agree, it's pretty low and petty of them to not come because of lack of a formal invitation, especially when you made it clear to them when and where it was by other means.

[Fryk]

Remember this moment when they want to come play with the baby evry minute of every day.

[XCashier]

Did you talk to your husband about this? Let him know what is going on, before they corral him and tell him what a "horrible person you are for not inviting them to your baby shower". If they're playing mind games now, they're going to get worse later.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This stress you do not need.

[gremcint]

Try asking them for their address and if they even for one moment delay in giving it to you then just point out they made such a huge deal about not getting an invitation and now they give you trouble when you try to get the address.

Another option is to just outright call them on it and say that you did invite them and they are making the decision not to come of their own volition.

Though honestly you probably need as little stress as possible right now so I would honestly just forget it, have your shower, have fun and just forget about them. They are the one making the decision not to come for a really petty reason, I'm guessing they either wanna be treated like a queen at a party that is not for them at all which makes me think they will cause a scene or they are just trying to be real petty, which is a really mean thing to do to anyone especially a pregnant woman. I think you're better off without them.

This is one of those cases where the best revenge is actually living well.
The best thing right now is to relax and have fun and not to strain yourself.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Another option is to just outright call them on it and say that you did invite them and they are making the decision not to come of their own volition.

.

I was gonna say this exact thing.

I realize you are upset, but really, think about this. Why are you spending the night in tears that these petty people won't be there? I doubt they are the sort of people that will add joy or fun to the event.

You're pregnant. This is one of the few times in your life it's okay to be completely all about yourself. They are putting stress on you you don't need. I suspect they are also trying to see how far they can jerk you around and make you work to please them. They are trying to make this about them.

Burn them off. You've invited them. Every bit of your obligation to them is met already. Are they seriously suggesting a pregnant woman in an untrustworthy car drive almost an hour to hand deliver a fucking engraved invitation to them to HER OWN SHOWER?

And you are trying to make these assholes happy because.....?

You know what? I just thought of something. It's not proper for you to invite anyone, nor is it proper for you to deliver invitations of any sort. You know why? It's bad form to throw any sort of party for yourself or a member of your family that involves the expectation of gifts. You friend may invite them and not break any rules of etiquette. You, however, may not. I'm not saying I didn't help my cousins send out invitation for myself, I did. As I expect you are doing. However, if you want another reason to wash your hands of this foolishness, here ya go.

[HYHYBT]

Translation: they don't want to come and will find any way they can to blame it on you. Or, more kindly, they can't afford a gift and took this chance at an excuse so as not to have to say so.

[XCashier]

Translation: they don't want to come and will find any way they can to blame it on you. Or, more kindly, they can't afford a gift and took this chance at an excuse so as not to have to say so.

A sensible person would've just said, "Thank you for the invite, but I'm afraid I have other plans." Then again, they're not exactly sensible...

[IDrinkaRum]

Trust me, I know about in-laws!

Your in-laws must like drama. That's the only thing I can think of.

Talk to your husband. Tell him what is going on.

Also, I agree ... call them back, ask for their address and then send them a hard copy of the invite. Then call them and see what they say then.

If they still say they can't make it, then it's on their backs. Not yours.

And if they want to be with the baby 24/7 ... tell them no ... don't mention them not coming to the shower.

Always, always remember:

This is your husband's family. Make him do the work!

But if he's like my husband, you're just going to have to get a thick skin and start making the decisions yourself.

It'll save you 6 years of heartache, depression, upset tummies, and you'll know where you stand.

Trust me on this ...

PM me if you want ... I'm around.

[MaggieTheCat]

You know what? I just thought of something. It's not proper for you to invite anyone, nor is it proper for you to deliver invitations of any sort. You know why? It's bad form to throw any sort of party for yourself or a member of your family that involves the expectation of gifts. You friend may invite them and not break any rules of etiquette. You, however, may not. I'm not saying I didn't help my cousins send out invitation for myself, I did. As I expect you are doing. However, if you want another reason to wash your hands of this foolishness, here ya go.

I thought about this too. I was going to mention it myself but I wasn't entirely sure how baby shower etiquette worked, having never had one for myself or thrown one for anyone else. But yeah, your in-laws should be giving whomever is throwing the shower their address if they want an invite. And instead they're bitching to you that they didn't get an invitation? That's just all sorts of poor form on their part, even without the rude and conceited way they said it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, I'd be damned if I'd lift a finger to make sure such people showed up to my party. It is supposed to be fun.

I suspect that these people are pretty much made of "not fun."

[IDrinkaRum]

I don't know why RK, but when I read the last line of your post above, I just started giggling.

And yes, the momma of the baby-to-be shouldn't be inviting peoples to the shower. Your friend needs to inite them -either over the phone or by "hard copy invite". Either way, they can show themselves for the asses that they are to more people!

[Kimmik]

Thanks all. The reason I was inviteing them instead of the friend is that they dont like their info handed out. My husband is siding with me... and the reason it is hard for me is that my mom lives on the other coast and can't be here due to health reasons. With everything that happened last time I just needed a mom around.

I am not sweating it now though.. and I am of the mind that they are just pissy cause they didnt get to throw the shower then I am better off not having them there.

I thank you all for your support.. it means a lot. I didnt want a baby shower simpley cause I am afraid of Abby not coming home like Shayne. That is one of the reasons that my friend is letting me help plan my shower. It makes it sorta not so real for me. I am afriad that I will have the shower and then lose Abby.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I know it is hard to remember, but this child is not the one you lost. It is not the same situation.

I can't give you much advice on that as by the grace of God I do not know what you are going through. And I can say "don't let fear rule you" but I well know that is easier said than done. But I do know that this child is not that child. So hold onto that, at least.

As for your childish and selfish inlaws, it's good that they didn.t get to throw the shower because it is improper for them to do so. I suppose I should not be too suprised that they might think that it was their place. However, it is not their place and if they had, it would have been a faux pas.

I do think it's pretty frigging hilarious that they "don't want their info given out" and yet are pissed to not get a hard copy invite sent to them. That is rich.

I'm sorry your mom isn't able to be there for you, it must be very had. I know I was 42 years old when I had mine, and I still wanted my mom around. Thank goodness she had me young and is still capable and strong. I would have fallen apart if not for her, so I know how that can go. However, your MIL is not gonna be what you need, judging from her pettiness here. Do you have someone else that can be there for you?

[blas87]

I am so sorry that in the most joyous times of life, sometimes family members seem to want to make it all about themselves.

Sometimes, friends do it too. It's so disgusting.