"You're just using me for...."

[Slytovhand]

Hmmm - not sure where this should go, and it might open a can of worms...

I'm an English teacher in China.

I speak fluent BS.

Many people here want to hang around me so that they can learn.

I was interested in a girl here, and made it obvious (I sent an email saying I don't like the BS that goes with the 'courting' crap.. if you like someone, and they like you, just go for it!). She doesn't want to go that path.

But she wants us to be friends.

Umm - no, you really want someone to help you with your English. Especially with your big exam you've got coming up...

Thoughts, anyone??


(it's interesting that in my Lonely Planet Mandarin Phrasebook, they've got the translation of "You're just using me for sex").

[Boozy]

I speak fluent BS.

I've often thought so.

I'm assuming you meant to say that you speak fluent "English"?

[MaggieTheCat]

I think I'm a little confused. Is this girl in question taking English classes from you? If so...I don't understand what's wrong with her wanting to hang out with you so she can practice her English. Isn't that what you're there for?

If she's not in your class, well, then, yeah, she might be using you, for the same reason. I don't know how many people speak English where you are, but if there aren't very many, then the people learning English are going to gather around the few who are fluent to it so they can learn. It was the same when I was taking American Sign Language classes; all of the ASL students would try to spend as much time as they could with the deaf people who knew sign language so they could practice and learn.

[Fryk]

If she's in his class to learn english, then let her learn english IN CLASS. He's there to teach classes, not have people hovering around him trying to pick up english by hanging out with him.

[Nyoibo]

It's a common thing in China that people will literally be your friend just to practice their English.

[Flyndaran]

From her perspective she might feel pushed into a corner. She's not interested in you, but needs help. It may be insensitive of her to riposte with a friend request. But if prospective teachers are rare...

[Slytovhand]

No, she's not in my class. In fact, she's already graduated from uni, but needs to pass the IELTS exam (or some other such similar) to get into post-grad next year. She's chosen to sit in on my classes to improve, but certainly doesn't qualify as 'my student'. (I don't mind people sitting in, as long at they participate, and don't monopolise my time - it helps the other students as well).

Secondly, there are things called 'English Corner', 'English Conversation Room', and they have English-language movies here (Titanic is currently on again....), and she knows other people who speak some English. I'm just another cog in the wheel (just a rather good cog, as far as cogs go).

And lastly, by 'friend' is meant going out and about in town together...something my actual students don't even get!

Nyoibo.. yep, I've been hearing that... a lot.... (ie, you don't really make 'friends' here very often - cos they're all just wanting to use you for your skills).

You see, I'm thinking of doing up some small group tutorials, which means people paying me money to practice their English skills.. 'friend' is sounding like an non-paying customer

[Boozy]

We all "use" our friends for something. What's the difference between someone taking advantage of your sense of humour to give them a laugh vs. someone using your language skills to improve their own?

Just because she wants to improve her English with you doesn't mean she doesn't genuinely like you as well.

If you like her, and want to hang out with her, stop worrying about it. The world is a miserable place without a bit of trust.