I suck at marriage

[DrFaroohk]

I'm a shitty husband. Relationships in general are not my strong point. I try, but I suck. Why?

Last night, I had gotten off work, tired as all fuck, sore, and I'm coming down with a cold. So I felt really really awful. But it was Thursday, which is our usual night to go out. It's our one night a week to get the fuck away from the kids, spend some time with each other doing the same thing, we have a great time, we usually meet up with friends, etc...

And I didn't want to go out this week. Just didn't have the strength for it, and I was supposed to get up early this morning and go to work.

But I didn't want to feel bad about it. I didn't want to deal with any guilt of disappointing her this week. I wanted to stay home, relax, and not feel guilty about it. I guess I wanted to "have my cake and eat it too".

So I gave in, and we went out. I was exhausted, I didn't enjoy it, I wanted to go home the entire time, and my cold got bad enough that I couldn't go to work today. Well I suppose I could have, but then I'd just be more exhausted when I got home, and still would want to just chill out and not have to deal with anything else for a while....plus I'd just be spreading my nasty cold germs everywhere.

And today I've been sick, tired, cranky, and resentful.

I do this all the time. I give in because it seems to be the most convenient thing at the time, a la no guilt. I hate guilt. I hate the idea that anyone can ever think or say anything bad about me. Sad, I know. But that's what I do. I give in, then resent later.

I suck today.

[MaggieTheCat]

Is it unreasonable for you to ask for your date-night to be moved later in the week? Or are there things set up, like babysitters, that can only make it Thursdays?

[blas87]

That really sucks, especially if you guys aren't able to postpone for another day, but could I suggest something that is needed in every relationship?

It's called compromise.

And naturally, if she expects you to put on a happy face and go out when you feel like absolute crap, she isn't very understanding. Unless she goes out when sick as well?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You waive the right to resent if you give in and agree to it.

Sorry, I know you felt like shit, and it's hard. It can wear you down. However, put your foot down or forever hold your peace.

Resentment will destroy your relationship. Guarenteed. Do what you have to do to avoid it. If that means just saying no and sticking to it, and then putting up with her being angry, so be it.

Her being angry when you are really too sick to be out is another conversation entirely. But as for you...avoid having to feel resentful.

[DrFaroohk]

Well of course she's not ANGRY with me not wanting to go out, but I can tell she'd be disappointed. We honestly don't share a lot of the same hobbies, and we rarely get a night to ourselves, but thursday night karaoke is a fairly steady tradition we've had going for about 6 months now. Ah well, there's always next week.