One of My Best Friends

[Greenday]

We dated for several months, but after a fair amount of fighting, we broke up. We've stayed friends and it's been kinda rocky but we are closer with each other than with anyone else. I still love her, despite being the one who broke things off, and it sucks. I know things would work out if we did get back together, but she doesn't feel that way about me anymore and I'm trying to respect that.

She got into med school and we both knew she'd have a lot less free time to hang out. We've hung out a couple times, but she always claims she's busy studying which makes sense. If that's what she was doing, it'd still suck but I'd be understanding.

Except that's not what she's always doing. She's been studying a lot with this guy who is engaged to be married (though she wants him to break up with his fiance "because she isn't good for him"). And for some reason, this studying involves massaging each other, cause apparently that's an important part of studying to be an ER doctor...Also, times like tonight, I saw she was online and instead of the usual "I'm too busy studying to talk", I get "I'm drunk right now so I can't talk." Which means she's hanging with that guy again. So wait, she has time to just hang out and get drunk with this other guy whom she has no interest in at all, but she doesn't even have an hour to spare to chill with me. I always thought "I don't have time to do anything but study so we can't hang out" meant being too busy to do anything but study. Fucking A.

[Boozy]

I think you need to read between the lines. It would have been better if she'd come out and said "I don't want to see you regularly anymore", but she didn't.

"I'm always too busy studying to see you" is her way of ending the close friendship with you. She probably wants to keep in touch with you, but she's moved on to a new chapter in her life. That means leaving ex-boyfriends and lingering issues behind.

I know it sucks, and I know you're worried about the decisions she's making, but those are her decisions to make.

[Shangri-laschild]

I used to date my best friend. We broke up on good terms but even then, in between dating and being best friends again, there was a cooling off period. Time for both of us to get over things. He's the one that broke it off with me and so he had gotten over things a bit sooner than I had. I hated it at the time. I lost my boyfriend and best friend all in one go and at times I was pissed at him for it. Honestly? It was what I needed and he knew it. He knew we needed space so we could get back to just friends. Honestly now he and I are so far into each other's "friend zone" that the idea of dating again isn't even something that comes to mind. But near the begining I know he did worry a little bit that he might accidently do something to lead me on or make me think that someday we might get back together. It didn't last too long though. Give yourself some time. I know it sucks, trust me. Feel free to send a PM if you need to talk. But like I said, just give it some time and let things settle a bit.

[kiwi]

I think you need to read between the lines. It would have been better if she'd come out and said "I don't want to see you regularly anymore", but she didn't.

Hit the nail on the head there Boozy

Sorry Green, you deserve much better than her

[DesignFox]

Sorry Greenday. Gotta agree with the others. She's trying to hint that she needs space, and being a woman, she won't just come on out and say that.

And she's in denial if she's claiming not to have a thing for this other guy. You don't get drunk with and give/receive massages from someone else...especially an engaged someone else... unless something funny is going on.

I could be off base, but if I were engaged and found out my fiance was doing that, I'd have some deep suspicions...and someone'd be getting a black eye.

I know a friend who had some similar circumstances with his girlfriend. It was not good. (he had just given her a promise ring, something that was her suggestion. all of a sudden she had no time for him and was hanging around with this other guy...and she dumped him. Still claims there's nothing going on with this guy, but spends a majority of her time with him...uh, huh. right.)

Sorry to hear that you have to go through this. That really sucks.

[Greenday]

Actually, the massaging part could be valid. Her med school is known for this kind of stuff. A lot of hands on things. I just, I dunno, I still get jealous even though it's been over a year now since I broke up with her. I try not to act on my jealousy. And honest to God, I've never met anyone who doesn't lie until her. She may leave things out, which is what I tend to do, but she never flat out lies. If she says she's not interested in him, she's not. And I know she was just celebrating getting over their next round of tests because it's a stressful time, I just find it odd that she'll say she has no time to do anything, but she has time to get drunk.

[Slytovhand]

"I'm busy" = "You're not high enough on my list of priorities for me to give time, energy and effort to".

I, personally and not suggesting in any way that you should do the same*, just let such people leave my life - if that's what they want to do. I'm a little fucked in the head like that - I won't 'fight' for people. IF they don't value me enough to want to give me that effort (when, of course, I've done that for them), then fine, so be it, move along, this isn't the friend you are looking for...

There's a nice little book out there called "How to lose friends and infuriate people" - which is mostly directed at the business world, but still has application in the personal world... don't waste my time, cos I'll find far better ways to use it - without you!


*bearing in mind, I've been a loner for decades now, and withdrew emotionally from people from a fairly young age, so such things aren't a great problem for me...

[Greenday]

We discussed it last night. I don't know when I'll ever be able to see her again. Then I went to sleep.

I dreamed that we were fighting about the exact same thing. Then when we stopped fighting, she just stopped breathing. Then her body just stopped functioning all together. I called 911 and waited for the ambulance. I wanted to help her in some way but I didn't know CPR (which I don't in real life either) so alls I could do was helplessly look on as I waited for the ambulance. She died before the ambulance got there. I've never bawled so hard in my life.

[Slytovhand]

Dreams are like that... they say far more about your current emotional state than anything else.. and even then, it's usually an exaggerated one. It feels like a loss of something important, so you dream it in it's worst case scenario.