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This is a tale of familial woe that just gets my goat.
My family is getting increasingly frustrated with one of my sisters. She's a sweet woman and I genuinely like her but the last year or so she's just been...well, let me explain.
She stopped talking to us. Phone calls to her go unanswered or answered only very rarely. She moved and it was months before we found out where she moved to. Invitations to the family reunion went turned down. Invitiations to holiday dinners...turned down. I invited her a month in advance to come to the Wiener Dog races with us last year and she seemed enthusiastic, but when the day came and she didn't show up, I called her. Seems her mother-in-law had decided to take her shopping and oops, sorry, she couldn't make it.
All of us were bewildered because it wasn't like her. Then we found out the reasons. Which make no logical sense.
She's started bombarding us with 'two-way street'. When she does talk to us she complains that 'no one ever calls her, no one ever comes down to see her or the kids, and if we want a relationship with her, it's a two-way street. She's not going to make all the effort on her own'.
That flabbergasted me because every time we've talked on the phone or done anything in the last three years it's been because I called her, or I invited her. On one of the rare occassions my mom got hold of her and said she'd like to come down and see her grandson's baseball games, my sister told her she'd give her a schedule and times so she could...then never did. And refused to answer calls or return messages looking for such information.
According to my Dad he's talked to her and she's of the opinion that if we're not spending every waking moment with her outside of work that we just don't care about her or the kids. She seriously told him that if he cared about her, he'd be at her house every day after work and see them every single weekend (like her mother-in-law does). My Dad lives fifty miles away from her! Yet she seriously expects this.
Her mother-in-law has only one kid, my sister's husband, and every time they've moved she's moved too, to the same neighborhood. She's there every day.
So it comes down to we have to make all the efforts, we have to be there at her every beck and call and devote all our attentions to her, or else we just don't care. And despite all her ranting about relationships being a two-way street she never makes an effort, never calls, returns messages only rarely, never tells us about kids birthday parties or plans for holidays and turns down any plans offered her. Worse, she's getting another of our sisters (the black sheep of the family) to echo her behavior.
My mother is making every effort but is stonewalled every step of the way. It's tearing her up because she wants to see her grandkids and she does care and want to help but she gets denied at every turn and then told how horrible she is and how she's not making an effort or giving enough attention.
Sorry for the long ramble...anyway, has anyone else run into this kind of behavior from friends/family?
My family is getting increasingly frustrated with one of my sisters. She's a sweet woman and I genuinely like her but the last year or so she's just been...well, let me explain.
She stopped talking to us. Phone calls to her go unanswered or answered only very rarely. She moved and it was months before we found out where she moved to. Invitations to the family reunion went turned down. Invitiations to holiday dinners...turned down. I invited her a month in advance to come to the Wiener Dog races with us last year and she seemed enthusiastic, but when the day came and she didn't show up, I called her. Seems her mother-in-law had decided to take her shopping and oops, sorry, she couldn't make it.
All of us were bewildered because it wasn't like her. Then we found out the reasons. Which make no logical sense.
She's started bombarding us with 'two-way street'. When she does talk to us she complains that 'no one ever calls her, no one ever comes down to see her or the kids, and if we want a relationship with her, it's a two-way street. She's not going to make all the effort on her own'.
That flabbergasted me because every time we've talked on the phone or done anything in the last three years it's been because I called her, or I invited her. On one of the rare occassions my mom got hold of her and said she'd like to come down and see her grandson's baseball games, my sister told her she'd give her a schedule and times so she could...then never did. And refused to answer calls or return messages looking for such information.
According to my Dad he's talked to her and she's of the opinion that if we're not spending every waking moment with her outside of work that we just don't care about her or the kids. She seriously told him that if he cared about her, he'd be at her house every day after work and see them every single weekend (like her mother-in-law does). My Dad lives fifty miles away from her! Yet she seriously expects this.
Her mother-in-law has only one kid, my sister's husband, and every time they've moved she's moved too, to the same neighborhood. She's there every day.
So it comes down to we have to make all the efforts, we have to be there at her every beck and call and devote all our attentions to her, or else we just don't care. And despite all her ranting about relationships being a two-way street she never makes an effort, never calls, returns messages only rarely, never tells us about kids birthday parties or plans for holidays and turns down any plans offered her. Worse, she's getting another of our sisters (the black sheep of the family) to echo her behavior.
My mother is making every effort but is stonewalled every step of the way. It's tearing her up because she wants to see her grandkids and she does care and want to help but she gets denied at every turn and then told how horrible she is and how she's not making an effort or giving enough attention.
Sorry for the long ramble...anyway, has anyone else run into this kind of behavior from friends/family?
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