That being left out still hurts

[jackfaire]

I am not friends with any of my coworkers. I don't come to work to socialize I come here to work and get paid.

This week we have been in supplementary training and all have the same lunch due to it. A lot of my coworkers are friends. They all go to lunch together. I wouldn't consider any of them more than acquaintances and when they make lunch plans and don't ask me if I want to join it hurts.

I hate that it hurts.

[DrFaroohk]

I know the feeling. I've tried to "buy" my way into various groups before by doing stuff like supplying the lunch myself but no one would even take free food from me!

The desire to be liked can be a dreadful beast sometimes.

[Boozy]

It usually takes me years to become friends with co-workers. I've been at my current job for nearly five years, and only recently have I started hanging out with my co-workers after hours.

I'm very job-oriented when I'm at work. I don't consider friendly small talk about personal matters to be unprofessional, but I do consider it unprofessional when it gets in the way of the job. I only engage in personal conversations when there is nothing job-related that needs to be discussed. As a result, it can take me years to get to know a co-worker well.

I get along very well with everyone I work with, but until recently I was rarely invited to spend time with them outside of work. It didn't bother me. But I do like spending time with them now that I have started doing so more often.

[jackfaire]

For me I can't look at any of the people I have met at work and see myself ever becoming friends with any of them but for some reason it still hurts when they leave me out.

[Fryk]

Get me a job there, and I'll go to lunch with you!

[powerboy]

I know that feeling all to good. I hate feeling that way. Sometimes, I just need to be told that someone likes me.

[jackfaire]

Get me a job there, and I'll go to lunch with you!

*shrugs* Sorry we only hire biannually. (currently)

[RavenStarr]

I know how hard it is to keep a stiff upper lip when deep down it really hurts.

I have to ask, and please don't take this the wrong way but do you ever talk to any of your co-workers? Not work related stuff but personal stuff. The reason I ask is when a person keeps to themselves, a lot of times they come off as being unapproachable when in reality they are just shy.

If this post offends you I am sorry. I mean no harm.

[jackfaire]

If this post offends you I am sorry. I mean no harm.

It doesn't. Yes I do actually during slow times, break times, and lunches if I can. Early on when I first started working here my financial situation was more precarious than it is now so once when I was asked if I wanted to join everyone at a bar after work I had to explain that I couldn't afford it.

Since then I have never been asked again. There are plenty of other people not involved outside of work that just come do their jobs are a bit social with coworkers and leave.

It's stupid that it bothers me. It's like the end of Good Will Hunting though. I have friends that have no higher ambitions in life and people here do.

[draggar]

I'm the only IT person in my building. I work with these people all the time - fixing their computers, helping them out with questions, and so on.

I am rarely asked if I want to join them for lunch, attend an event with them, or even hang out and just talk.

While I agree none are "friends" - mostly work acquaintances but it still sucks when they don't even ask.

[Rapscallion]

I don't come to work to socialize I come here to work and get paid.

I wouldn't consider any of them more than acquaintances and when they make lunch plans and don't ask me if I want to join it hurts.

Trying to see your problem, and I think I found it. Both quotes taken from the same post. Your financial situation's changed so you can afford to be more friendly, right? Yet you don't consider your colleagues to be more than acquaintances, and yet you're annoyed when it's reciprocated.

I reckon you've got some work to do, not them. Make sure they know you're up for more than just working at the same place. If you don't, make sure that you're ready to feel hurt more.

Rapscallion

[jackfaire]

If you don't, make sure that you're ready to feel hurt more.

Rapscallion

Yeah I have been trying to be more social at work.

[MergedLoki]

I like everyone I work with and we all get along at work but it wasn't really till this year (in fact earlier this month!) that myself and a group from work have started hanging out now and again, grabbing some drinks etc.

and i'll have been here 3 years this spring.