Suicide

[Peppergirl]

Ok...

So the ex-husband of my ex-best-friend (I'll call him John) just found me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't talked to him in about 6 years, which is about how long it's been since I've talked to her, but for totally different reasons.

Anyway, John and I always had a sort of 'love-hate' relationship. Butted heads alot, but really cared about each other and liked each other deep down. We always kinda fought like a brother and sister would have.

John's best friend committed suicide in 03, and I was very good friends with him as well. It's still a touchy subject with me. John and I were chatting on Yahoo tonight and we got on the subject of the friend (lets call him Mike). Started with the funeral, (which is where John and I last saw each other) and progressed from there.

It's obvious John is still really hurting, and still really REALLY angry with Mike and I'm not sure how to handle it. It brought up alot of the old painful feelings that I felt during the aftermath of the suicide, and my hands were trembling and I started tearing up as we talked.

Anyone who knows me (even a little) knows I don't deal with emotional subjects well, so I abruptly shifted the conversation to something else. But now I feel badly. I feel like John and I are on the road to becoming friends again, and I feel like he really hasn't grieved all the way through. His comments were just awful. Just as bad as the day he did it. Yes, it's been six years - but the pain is still fresh, even for me - and I wasn't even a *tenth* as close to him as John was.

Any ideas on how to broach the subject? Or do I just shut up and forget it?

[jackfaire]

Dealing with it is different for everyone but for me. It still sucks 8 years later. It still hurts sometimes I still get so angry I want to break something. All my friends really can do is just listen. Sometimes it helps othertimes I just get angry at them for trying.

I am sorry if that isn't helpful.

[protege]

I know someone who attempted suicide back in 2008. April Fool's day, in fact. He got pretty fucking lucky--he was chatting with another friend, and said he was going to take all of his painkillers at once. He'd been very sick, in and out of the hospital since the previous Christmas, and was just tired of it. The other guy, called the cops. They came, broke down the door, and found him in a drug-induced coma Which landed him not only in the hospital, but in the psych ward...

When I found out, it was a bit hard. I'd just lost my white kitty (Snow) the night before...after she died of a heart attack in the kitchen

Even though my friend's suicide attempt scared the shit out of me, I can't really be mad at him. I'm pissed that he *did* it, but at the same time, I can understand just *why* he did it.

2 years on though, he's a different person now--the coma apparently damaged his brain a bit

[Peppergirl]

I'm sorry you both have been through something similar in your lives. And thanks for taking the time to respond - I do appreciate it.

I'm gonna cross-post in the 'life advice' section of CS and see if I can get a few more responses. If anything, I'm even more on-edge today about it than I was yesterday

[kiwi]

Its natural to feel angry about any death, but even more so on a suicide. I had a friend at highschool commit suicide and some days I still get white hot angry when I think about what a waste it was, how selfish of him it was and how desperately sad he must have been.
Death and suicide effects more than the person who dies, it ruined the lives of my friends parents, it rocked my friends and I to the core. The issues that made them take their live are still around, the living are the ones who have to deal with it.

I can't offer any help other than, time softens the pain and the anger if by no other way than you remember it less often. I hope you and your friend find the peace you deserve.