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Mothers... more to the point mine

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  • Mothers... more to the point mine

    Ok I am the youngest... the only girl.. and I guess the "good" child.. I call and write often.. I make sure to call on all holidays and bdays... How ever I am the uncaring mean nasty omg you abandoned your family because you moved...

    There is a reason that I live across the country from my family, namely that the cost of living is better, hubby has a better job, makes more and is in line for a nice promotion.

    But all I get is guilt that I am sooooooooo far away.. and I mean that the guilt trip is the epic it could be from the stereotyped Jewish mother type of guilt trip.

    And of course with my disability I sit here half pissed and half thinking I am the worst daughter in the world... because I dont pack up and move next to my mother. le sigh. I mean seriously wtf... I know they are older.. I know one day they wont be here... but I am suppose to drop everything that I have finally got, to go move back to the other side of the country so that I can be a good daughter???

    The reason that the guilt works so well is I was raised very old school/ old world style. Family is Family no matter what... you can hate them with all the passion of a thousand fiery suns but you stand behind them.

    Frack this annoys me to no end.. and because of my upbringing I can not tell my folks to take a long walk off a short pier.. that is disrespectful. God damn it.. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg

  • #2
    OH god so know where your coming from.

    What really sucks is when your mom has come to expect you to be the good one that is the way her kids "should be" yet she never bothers the others because they can't be guilted.
    Jack Faire
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    • #3
      Originally posted by Kimmik View Post
      The reason that the guilt works so well is I was raised very old school/ old world style. Family is Family no matter what... you can hate them with all the passion of a thousand fiery suns but you stand behind them.
      I was raised in that same style. Thankfully it didn't take me long to realize that "tradition" was utter hypocritical bollocks, a feel-good excuse for bullies and control-freaks. I am also thankful I was able to break the cycle of emotional control. I am still financially dependent on mom, but her misplaced guilt-trip routine no longer has any effect on me. Hopefully you can break it as well.

      Frack this annoys me to no end.. and because of my upbringing I can not tell my folks to take a long walk off a short pier..
      Sure you can. Why should you make the effort to stay in touch with toxic people? They think you're a bad daughter? Cut them off, make them find out how bad you can really be!

      Once the parental units realize you aren't their doormat, 1 of 2 things will happen. Thing about older folks is right or wrong, they tend to get set in their ways. If they are good people, maybe laying down the law will snap them out of their mold. But if not, what have you lost by cutting them off?
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      • #4
        Talon.. It is very ingrained into me that you do not disrespect your elders. To the point that I have almost a nervous breakdown trying to say no to my parents. Logically I know that I should stand up and tell them off.. but emotionally I have been trained that you do not talk back to your parents and you definitely don't verbally tell them to Fuck off. *thinking it how ever is perfectly fine*

        It is just like I can not be not proper in public..or how I can be sweet as pie to someone I detest in public because you just don't cause a scene. Which is one of the reasons I fully believe I have a social disorder.. fear of being deemed improper in public.

        One of the reasons I moved almost all the way across the country is because I can be more independent when I am not in the same state. My brother caused me harm when I was a child and I detest him but if he was in need I would help him because that is what I am suppose to do.

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        • #5
          I think the only reason I was able to kick the "respect your elders" bs was because they pointed to my sex offender uncle once while saying it and that triggered this whole questioning of it.

          Turned out respect your elders didn't mean respect it meant obey them.
          Jack Faire
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          • #6
            Originally posted by jackfaire View Post
            I think the only reason I was able to kick the "respect your elders" bs was because they pointed to my sex offender uncle once while saying it and that triggered this whole questioning of it.

            Turned out respect your elders didn't mean respect it meant obey them.
            Yeah I totally understand that. That is what sucks is logically I so understand it is bs.. but emotionally it is like I am 4 sometimes...

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            • #7
              Here's one possible idea:
              Your husband is in line for a promotion, correct? The cost of living is better, right? So, you can politely, of course, suggest to them that you will be better able to take care of them when they are older and can no longer take care of themselves, by being where you are now. Or you could go back and live near them and be near-broke and have to put them in a home and move to where you are now anyways, just so you can take care of your family.
              Or, suggest that they come out there for a visit sometime. And tell them how you've just fallen in love with the area, the town, and friends in the area, and they could come and visit any time they liked.

              Would that possibly be a more polite way of telling them that you can't go back home, or that you can't come back home just yet?

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