You. Are. Not. Funny!

[Crescent Cat]

Mercy laughter needs to stop. If someone tells a joke that's not funny, don't laugh. Let them feel like the unamusing ass they are so that they learn to not try to be funny. Don't encourage them.

I'm just so sick and tired of people telling lame jokes. For example - "I'll pay for your free admission! Yuck, yuck yuck!"

I'm glad you're amused, because I'm just annoyed and it's taking every ounce of my will power to not show you just how unfunny you are.

Another thing that gets on my nerves are people that assume that you either don't get the joke or you find the joke offensive if you don't laugh.

Example -

"So, three men are in jail. A French man, German man and a Chinese man. There is a high wall with barbed wire on top that's keeping them in but they decide to try and pole-volt over it. The French man tries and makes it, same with the German. The Chinese man gives it a go . . . and guess what happens?

Ding-Dong Chinese ball hangin' on the jail walls!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!111"

Someone told me that joke a few years ago and I didn't laugh because it was freakin' stupid. Her first assumption was, of course, "You don't get it, do you?"

Oh no, I get it. I get it loud and clear. He tried to jump the wall and got his genitals ripped off. Haha . . . .

So then she says, "Sorry, didn't think it'd offend you." The only thing offensive here is your attempt to pass that bullshit off as a joke. I'm neither male or Chinese so why would I be offended? Just accept the fact that the joke sucks and you fail at comedy.

Not too long ago I was shopping at a grocery market and the guy in front of me was under the delusion that he was hilarious. I can't remember his whole routine but rest assured, it was pathetic. I do remember his closing remark. See, he had a wallet - one of those wallets with a chain on it. I have one too. It's great. Just hook it to your belt loop and it keeps the wallet from getting lost if it falls out of your pocket.

But Mr. Douche decided it had another practical use - comedy!

He holds the wallet up to the hapless employees and says, "Look! I'm in the chain gang! A-hyuck!"

Of course, they were forced to act amused but I was fighting the temptation to wrap his "chain gang" proof of membership around his throat.

Fuckers, you're not funny! I hope there's a special place in Hell where you are all forced to listen to your own jokes and given a revoltingly painful shock of electricity for every time you don't laugh. And I mean a genuine laugh - not a mercy or fake laugh. And you won't laugh. Not once.

Know why?

Because you're not funny!

Now go to Hell already! God knows just listening to what stupid douchebags you are will be punishment enough.

[jackfaire]

That chain made it easier to lift my friend's wallet to prove a point too.

[Vagabond]

Usually the people with bad jokes I usually just stare at them until they get the point. My "You AREN'T smarter than a 5th grader" look usually works.

[jackfaire]

Stupid jokes are one of the reasons I love my daughter. All the stupid jokes I stopped telling when I grew up are hilariously funny to her

[Vagabond]

Stupid jokes are one thing, I still have a repertoire of bad elephant jokes, but the stupid ones like paying for something that is free... that's another thing, realm, area, subject, entirely, methinks, somewhere in the neighborhood of bad puns. Cringe and run away...

[Bloodsoul]

You ever watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? You remember when Uncle Phil would laugh along to one of Will's remarks.. and then in an instant have a look of dead seriousness.

I loved that.

[Boozy]

Mercy laughter needs to stop. If someone tells a joke that's not funny, don't laugh. Let them feel like the unamusing ass they are so that they learn to not try to be funny. Don't encourage them.

I agree, but sometimes "mercy laughter" is horrifyingly genuine.

My friend told me this gem the other day: "I'm full of pie filling....does that make me a pie?"



It was actually a repeat of the same joke made by another friend of hers last week, and she felt it was funny enough to pass along.

I don't mercy laugh. She just got a blank stare and then I changed the subject.

[blas87]

I have a little guffaw I do when a joke is absolutely absurd and dumb.

And it's followed by a "wtf" look.

[DrFaroohk]

I hate people who try to be funny. Especially the "hard core" ones. Some of my friends are all into "hard core" shit, like extreme death metal and stuff, and they try to reproduce it.

If shock-value dark humor type jokes are well done, I get right into them. I think a bus accident can be funny as hell if its portrayed in the right light. But then some douchebag comes along and is like "How about FIFTY BUSSES IN AN ACCIDENT HAR HAR HAR HAR THAT'S SO MUCH FUNNIER!"