They are just insecure

[jackfaire]

I always hated being told that I should feel sorry for the bullies because really if they are bullies they must have horrible home lives, be jealous of me, or feel bad about themselvse.

As I got older I realized how many of these answers were bullshit.

I hate those teachers and other authority figures that said those things.

What they said: Don't fight bring the problem to us and we will solve it.

What they meant: Come to us so we can defend the bully and tell you why he deserves to pick on you.

Oddly once I got fed up of teachers unwilling to chastise bullies and started fighting I was applauded by the teachers.

But the whole point of this thing is I hate those lies. I would have rather had a teacher said, "He shoved you cuz he is a dick and I am not going to do anything about it." Might have prevented a lot of my issues with authority.

[DrFaroohk]

I always found it to be a no-win situation, and its continued on to my adult life.

There's three ways to handle a bully:

1) Tell the teacher. This is what they say they want, because it's for legal liability issues. Should a stabbing occur, the teacher needs to be able to say "Well I ALWAYS counsel the children to come to me first if there's a problem!"

But really, when you tell the teacher, she just gets pissed off at you. You've inconvenienced her! (Or him, but most teachers I know are females) Not only does she has to deal with a classroom of snotnosed brats, and then go to a PTA meeting and a school board meeting and grade papers all night once she gets home, but now she's got your extra special problem to deal with now.

You can bet you've just incurred some wrath there. She might not give you a swirly and steal your lunch money, but she's always going to look down on you unfavorably. That test question that was mostly right? Not anymore. No more partial credit, no more leniency, nothing. You've become a problem to your teacher now and she's going to treat you like that homeless guy she walks by every morning.

2) Deal with it yourself. Stand up to the bully, let him know you're not afraid, and if it comes to it, kick his ass.

Good luck with this one. First of all, the fight is YOUR fault. You OBVIOUSLY did something to make him target you! It's your own damn fault, so get it through your head. Secondly, its your fault now because rather than back down and let the bully have his way with you, you stood up to him. YOU MADE THE SITUATION WORSE!

And thirdly, once punches start being thrown, in my experience it's ALWAYS the person defending himself who gets in trouble. Teachers conveniently weren't looking when the bully was grinding powdered bleach into your face, but they looked just in time to see you shove him away. And even if the teacher everything, well, you didn't try to run away. That negates the fact that the bully started the fight, so its all your fault. So now you got kicked out of school because you're a troublemaker.

3) Ignore it. Let the bully walk all over you, ignore it. Now you've just invited EVERYONE to bully you. And it's your fault, because when the first bully was picking on you, you didn't either A) tell the teacher or B) deal with it yourself. And everyone sees you as weak, and the bullies are always going to frame you for things. A good onei s when they shove you into something that winds up causing a big mess, and you have to clean it up, because its ALL YOUR FAULT.

So yeah, you can't win. I've had bullies all my life, even in the work force, and you replace "teacher" with "boss" and its the same old story. My only option has been to simply leave the situation. If I'm getting bullied, I pull a disappearing act. It ends the bullying, unfortunately I'm all but unemployable now because i'm that guy who will just up and quit a job without notice. Of course, that's MY fault. I invited the bully, and I didn't create a human resources system within the company to deal with bullies, so its all my fault.

Yep. Life is good.

[blas87]

I HATE when I'm trying to vent about someone who pisses me off (mostly at work) and someone ALWAYS stands up to defend them and says, "But he/she has had a really rough life!" or "But he/she has had a really rough time the past few weeks/months/years".

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but everyone has rough times. Everyone goes through shit. Lots of people have rough lives. It does not give you the right to bully or harass or be a miserable person to people who are just trying to be nice or to help you or just making work easier.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

I occasionally mention that the person being flogged for their iffy behavior has had a rough time, mostly when I feel that they're being flogged unfairly. There's a subtle but important difference between someone being a bit irritable after an abnormally hard week, and ultimate evil walking among us.

Most of the time though, it's no different from other cheap excuses...

[crashhelmet]

The reasons why a bully is being a bully are typically accurate. It's to prove to themselves or to others that they are dominant. Nothing bullshit about that.

The bullshit factor comes when people let it go for those reasons. Feel sorry for them, sure. Allow it to justify their actions, hell no. Allow them to continue their actions? Fuck No!

The problem with standing up to bullies, especially in school, is their zero tolerance policies. No matter how justified you are, you'll get expelled too.

CH

[DrFaroohk]

The problem with standing up to bullies, especially in school, is their zero tolerance policies. No matter how justified you are, you'll get expelled too.

CH

And even when its purely self defense, which is just gay. I can understand expelling a kid for knifing someone in the kidneys, even if he is a bully, but a lot of times the bully instigated the aggression and the other kid was just trying to keep his teeth from getting knocked out, you'll see the bully get a stern warning and the victim kicked out of school.

And another great excuse to go with it: "Well life just isn't fair."

[elsporko]

I always hate it when people with a persecution complex complain about teachers not protecting them from bullies. Its always because the teacher is evil and loves bullies, even though bullies make their jobs tougher. Its never because the teacher has 30+ hyper kids in the class room (or more on the playground) to watch and the bully isn't stupid enough to do something when the teacher can see him. And lord knows the teacher is in the wrong when he or she doesn't automatically take the side of the picked on even though is fairness the teacher shouldn't punish anybody without evidence.

Then people groan that the person who fights back against the bully is unfairly punished for fighting. Well you know what, the person who throws the second punch is almost always the one witnessed doing so. The first punch and the aftermath tends to be what draws attention to the situation, then the second punch is seen. What can the teacher do? Should the teacher punish the person who got punched in case they punched first? The teacher will investigate but do you think that the person who started the fight will admit it?

I understand getting picked on sucks, but don't blame the teachers. They can only do so much since for some reason teachers are only human and not all knowing beings of infinite justice. They can only punish what they see.

[DrFaroohk]

But unless the teacher is an idiot they probably can tell what's going on in a room. You come across a fight, and you saw that Nerdy McNerd just punched Billy McBully in the face. They certainly have no problem "assuming" that Nerdy McNerd must have started it since they saw him throw a punch, so why is it so hard to "assume" that Nerdy McNerd was just minding his own business and wound up having to defend himself? You see the tiny straight A student in a brawl with the troubled boy from the group home - seriously is there really a big question as to what happened????

[Rageaholic]

I got bullied quite a bit in elementary school, but never experienced teachers taking their side. However, people I have known have dealt with this crap. I can also be sympathetic to their problems, but will not allow myself to be a punching bag.

The problem with standing up to bullies, especially in school, is their zero tolerance policies. No matter how justified you are, you'll get expelled too.

CH

Don't get me started on that BS. It's a whole different topic, but it falls here. Those who I have known who got in trouble for sticking up for themselves were never given the oppertunity to explain themselves. The authority figures would just punish both of them for fighting, even if one had done NOTHING, not even fight back because they were too lazy to figure out what happened.

It's one of those situations where the teachers have to be in control and want the students relying on them for help, but when it comes to help, they don't provide it.

[jackfaire]

I always hate it when people with a persecution complex complain about teachers not protecting them from bullies. .

Actually I was talking specifically about situations where the teachers watched the whole thing and did nothing about it then gave me those excuses as to why it was okay for the kid to be a bully.

When I did finally wise up to the fact they were on the side of the bullies I fought back and those same teachers applauded me for it.

My issue don't bloody tell me not to do that and give me excuses that are just lies. If you think breaking the rules and treating other people like shit is awesome just say so.

[Lace Neil Singer]

My example is this. While I obeyed the teachers' advice and walked away, or ignored the bullies, the bullying continued and in fact got worse cuz as far as they were concerned, I was weak. In third year however, I lost it and fought back when this girl walked up to me and scratched my face. I punched her in the face til she fell down then kicked her. The bully got off scot free cuz, and I quote, "She was hurt worse". I got a week's suspension for fighting, even tho my face was bleeding from her claw marks which made it obvious that the bully had started the fight. It takes two to fight, so why punish the victim and not the bully?

[elsporko]

But unless the teacher is an idiot they probably can tell what's going on in a room. You come across a fight, and you saw that Nerdy McNerd just punched Billy McBully in the face. They certainly have no problem "assuming" that Nerdy McNerd must have started it since they saw him throw a punch, so why is it so hard to "assume" that Nerdy McNerd was just minding his own business and wound up having to defend himself? You see the tiny straight A student in a brawl with the troubled boy from the group home - seriously is there really a big question as to what happened????

What if Nerdy McNerd hates Billy McBully and punches Billy without provocation knowing that with his reputations and the teachers policy of punishing based on assumptions that he won't be punished. Meanwhile Billy who has seen the errors of his way and is trying to reform is suspended for something he didn't do. That hardly seems fair.

What if you were walking down the street and somebody punched you. The cop sees this and arrests you for assault. "You're bigger then him, you must have hit him first" the cop tell you. Would you consider this fair?

My example is this. While I obeyed the teachers' advice and walked away, or ignored the bullies, the bullying continued and in fact got worse cuz as far as they were concerned, I was weak. In third year however, I lost it and fought back when this girl walked up to me and scratched my face. I punched her in the face til she fell down then kicked her. The bully got off scot free cuz, and I quote, "She was hurt worse". I got a week's suspension for fighting, even tho my face was bleeding from her claw marks which made it obvious that the bully had started the fight. It takes two to fight, so why punish the victim and not the bully?

While the girl should have been punished, you also should have been punished. Attacking somebody who is on the ground is not okay. You can't cry self defense when you are no longer in danger

[blas87]

I got in trouble for threatening a football player that if he ever called me a "slut" or a "whore" again, I'd beat the living shit out of him. At the time, I was 14 years old, all of probably 110 pounds, he was 6'0 or better, and over 200 pounds. But believe you me, I would have done it, too, I was THAT sick of those preppies and jocks teasing me and calling me names and teachers completely ignoring it.

Both high schools that I went to, teachers stood outside of the doors between classes to greet the kids, and probably to keep an eye out for drug deals or dress code violations or fights or whatever the hell zero tolerance gig they were on at the time.

Almost EVERY DAY at both schools, teachers would witness the remarks made at me as they passed me. Did even ONE teacher do anything about it? No. Not one.

Don't even try going to the principle. "Boys will be boys, girls are just jealous"

[elsporko]

Sounds like you should have gotten in trouble since you made a threat and are now telling us you would have acted on it. The teachers if they saw the action should have stepped in, but that doesn't change the fact that you were threatening violence. Just because a guy is bigger then a girl it doesn't mean a girl can't do damage especially with a weapon. You would have been better off going the legal rout, threatening to sue for sexual harassment or the school for creating a hostile environment.

[Lace Neil Singer]

While the girl should have been punished, you also should have been punished. Attacking somebody who is on the ground is not okay. You can't cry self defense when you are no longer in danger

Please go back and reread my post. I never said that I should not have been punished; my problem was THAT THE BULLY GOT AWAY SCOT FREE. Get it, or shall I explain again?