"You're pathetic, you live with your parents!"

[Rageaholic]

This is a rant mostly directed at some hypocritical relatives of mine, but it could also apply to an attitude I see online, even on here and CS at times. In fact, it was a thread on CS that really brought home this rant of mine.

I'm 22 years old, I've never worked in a job (looking though), I still live with my well off family, they pay for my expenses, including my college education, and I don't have to pay rent to live in my parents house. Oh and speaking of college, I'm not a full time student. In other words, I'm taking it easy, I'm not stressing myself out, I'm going at my own pace, and I don't get flak from my parents over it. In fact, I rarely fight with my parents and get along perfectly fine with them. They are not going to kick me out because they feel I should be on my own and I feel perfectly secure with them.

Look, I get it, not everyone has easy going parents nor are they on good terms. Some parents are more strict than others, some people come from less well off backrounds, and I'm sure that a good percentage of people have bigger problems to deal with than me. There are probably a lot of things I have that others don't that I take for granted. It honestly pains me to see others being stressed out over strict parents or what not. It also impresses me to see how they come through, so this isn't me trying to play the "I'm better" card.

My problem is this attitude that I shouldn't complain about anything because I live with my parents. Or even worse, being down right insulted because of it. I got this from relatives who would talk about how when they were growing up they would have been out of the house by 18, or how they would have had to work to get money, and how they would have never gotten away with saying that in front of their parents! With some relatives, I'm afraid to even ask my parents for anything for fear that they will make some smart ass comment. Even though my parents don't mind being there for me, they too are getting crapped on for being "too easy" on me.

As a result, *I* feel like crap like maybe I've had it too easy or am asking my parents for too much, or that I should have it harder. You know what? Fuck that shit. I'm not going to feel bad for having some things (okay maybe a lot) handed to me, nor am I going to feel like the spoiled kid who doesn't know how good he has it. I offer to help around the house, I don't ask my parents for anything unreasonable, I don't throw fits when they don't give me what I want. I am very grateful for having parents who I know will be there for me. And damn it, I'm going to stay grateful for it, not live in shame, feeling like an EW who "never has to work for anything". Bull shit. I'm not without my struggles and even if I wasn't it's nobody's goddamn business but my parents and I!

[Sableonblonde]

I lived at home until I was 26. I paid like $100 a month in rent, and that pretty much got cancelled out by the fact that my mom bought all of the groceries. She also did my laundry. In my case, my mom was pretty co-dependent and didn't want to lose her children or have them go anywhere...she is depressive and doesn't have ANY friends, and so didn't want to be alone.

Admittedly, I turned out to be a pretty spoiled, bratty adult. I couldn't hang on to a job for longer than four or five months, I had this entitlement attitude, I was lazy. At 27, I'm still in the process of sloooowly becoming an adult LoL On the one hand I think that if you have parents who want to take care of you, then hey, take advantage of your luck! But on the other hand, just make sure that it's not making you soft or impeding the process of growing up

[Fashion Lad!]

I moved back home after getting into a huge fight with one of my roomies. I needed to be out of that house ASAP. My parents let me move back in. I pay $150 for rent. I help out around the house. Take care of all the animals. Work full-time, go to school full-time. I get awesome grades (Dean's list every quarter). I'm getting ready to graduate this June.

I think in a long run, your parents are doing you more harm than good. Life doesn't go at your pace... I learned that a long time ago.

But, I'm glad you have a good arrangement with your parents and you're all happy. I just hope life doesn't kick you in the face when you get into it.

[DrFaroohk]

My best friend is like that now, although he's 29. Still, he's just gotten his masters in something or other and is looking for work. He doesn't spend alllllll day at it, and he takes it easy too, plays wow most of the time. Some people give him shit for it, and even people who have no business judging him at all. It's not like the money spent on him was going to be theirs if he had a tough life.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I lived with my parents til my mid twenties. I couldn't find a flat cuz I didn't want a flatshare, I wanted to live by myself and it took me ages to find one. I paid rent, did all my washing and some of the cooking, plus I pitched in on housework. I was hardly being kept and waited on hand and foot.

[Boozy]

There's nothing wrong with living with your parents. Nothing wrong with living there rent-free either, as long as your folks can afford it and don't mind.

But it's important to stay busy and focussed. I strongly believe that everyone should do something full-time, or have several part-time pursuits.

You shouldn't feel badly about it, because there's no point. Feeling bad doesn't make anyone else's situation better. But if your schooling takes only part-time hours and you're doing nothing else, you should probably be pushing yourself a bit more. You're only 22 years-old! "Taking it easy" is for retirement.

If you can't handle more classes, and can't get a job you like, do some volunteer work. It looks great on a resume, and at your age, you need to be concerned about building some sort of solid work history.

[Cat]

I lived at home til 27......not enough $$$ to get my own apartment and noone to be roomies with.

Hell, technically my parents own my condo, and I pay 'em rent. I do feel like a failure at life for that, but I'm hopefully will change that within a year.

[Amanita]

I live at home too, and yes, I feel like a failure for it. I work full time, but can't afford my own place. Nobody to be roomies with, and to be honest given the bad experience I had with roommates in Toronto, I am not sure I want to risk that again. I help out, cook a lot of my own food, and do my own laundry. I'm not the sort of layabout mooch they always show on Dr. Phil.

[Rageaholic]

I think in a long run, your parents are doing you more harm than good. Life doesn't go at your pace... I learned that a long time ago.

I mean no disrespect, but I hate that arguement. There are some things we can't control, but the things we can control, we should control to our liking. My parents don't want me to stress myself out since I am prone to do that. For now, I am growing up at my own pace. Yes, I'm a lot slower than other people, but it's not like I'm going to be living with my parents forever.

My best friend is like that now, although he's 29. Still, he's just gotten his masters in something or other and is looking for work. He doesn't spend alllllll day at it, and he takes it easy too, plays wow most of the time. Some people give him shit for it, and even people who have no business judging him at all. It's not like the money spent on him was going to be theirs if he had a tough life.

Ditto, we agree again. I think those people who give him shit are either jealous or need someone to compare themselves to. I guess we all do it at some time, but most know when to keep their mouth shut about it.

There's nothing wrong with living with your parents. Nothing wrong with living there rent-free either, as long as your folks can afford it and don't mind.

But it's important to stay busy and focussed. I strongly believe that everyone should do something full-time, or have several part-time pursuits.

You shouldn't feel badly about it, because there's no point. Feeling bad doesn't make anyone else's situation better. But if your schooling takes only part-time hours and you're doing nothing else, you should probably be pushing yourself a bit more. You're only 22 years-old! "Taking it easy" is for retirement.

If you can't handle more classes, and can't get a job you like, do some volunteer work. It looks great on a resume, and at your age, you need to be concerned about building some sort of solid work history.

You're right, feeling bad is just unnecessary grief that doesn't get me anywhere. Like I said, to hell with those people who want to insult me over it.

However, I don't think taking it easy is just for retirement. While I would like to get a job, do more things, and have experience, I don't want to be one of those things where I am overwhelmed with life. I see this happen so much on the CS forum, where someone's life would become so stressed filled because of their job.

I just don't like the idea that people can't take it easy until they retire. It's one of those things that's hard to explain without using extreme examples.

[the_std]

But why not use the time that you have now, while you're young and don't have to worry about grinding at a job you might not like just to pay bills/support your family/whatever, to get ahead, get some experience that could help you avoid the tedium of a hated job later on? Volunteer work, like Boozy said, is fantastic for this. It can help you make great connections, give you some fantastic experience to put on your resume, and can even be a lot of fun if you volunteer doing something you enjoy.

Case in point - I am 21, and went to school for fine art. While going to school, I volunteered with the university's general interest fine arts program, which didn't give credits or anything like that, but was more meant for hobbyists. I loved doing it, because I got to work with the art I loved and the people I volunteered with were always amazingly grateful for my help. After a few years of volunteering, one of the instructors of the program approached me to teach some classes! So instead, I got to do what I loved, but this time I was getting paid over $30 an hour to do it. I was an instructor in a university program by the time I was 20.

There's a difference between not stressing yourself out and taking the lazy way out just cause you can.

[Rageaholic]

STD: Don't get me wrong, I AM looking for a job and even volunteer work if I can't get a job (I've volunteered in the past). I just don't want to feel like I have to keep up with everyone else. That would just stress me out.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm not even trying to do anything because I am. It's just that I'm trying to take a laid back approach to it as to not stress me out.

[linguist]

However, I don't think taking it easy is just for retirement. While I would like to get a job, do more things, and have experience, I don't want to be one of those things where I am overwhelmed with life. I see this happen so much on the CS forum, where someone's life would become so stressed filled because of their job.

that sounds great in theory, but the reality is that almost everyone feels that way at one point or another, and if you think waiting means it'll never happen to you, you're wrong.

also, i'll jump on the "volunteer work" bandwagon, if not an actual paying job, because the longer you go before getting a job of some sort, the harder it's going to be for you. even if you wait until you have a degree, you'll be competing with people with the same degree who have years of actual work experience behind them.

[Fashion Lad!]

I mean no disrespect, but I hate that arguement. There are some things we can't control, but the things we can control, we should control to our liking. My parents don't want me to stress myself out since I am prone to do that. For now, I am growing up at my own pace. Yes, I'm a lot slower than other people, but it's not like I'm going to be living with my parents forever.

Part of dealing with stress is having it and learning. You can't avoid stress. And not all stress is bad. Case-in-point. I had an extremely tough CISCO Test. I worked myself near to death studying for it. Working full-time. Plus, I have two other classes that I needed to study for. I worked myself up, got a 91%. I was the one that brought the class average up to 67%. (My instructor told me in an email) Take me out of the picture, the class average was a 58%. This is a level 300 class. It's a hard class. If I didn't stress myself out over it, while I probably would have still passed, I wouldn't have done as well.

I used to compete in karate tournaments, stress is what got me the first place trophy. It's what had me ranked #2 in the entire mid-west in sparring for 3 years straight as a 1st degree blackbelt.

I understand wanting to take things easy, I really do. I understand that it's great when you don't have to worry about anything, really. I did that in high-school.

My parents don't want me stressing myself out. That's why they're letting me stay at home until I graduate. They don't want me living with new people, whom I may or may not get along with, while working full-time and going to school full-time.

[Boozy]

Part of dealing with stress is having it and learning.

Quoted for truth!

The more you do something, the better you get at it. Handling stress is no different. And it is probably the single most important thing people should practice doing while young. Stress is unavoidable; it will eventually happen, and you don't want to crumble under the pressure when it does.

[Lace Neil Singer]

also, i'll jump on the "volunteer work" bandwagon, if not an actual paying job, because the longer you go before getting a job of some sort, the harder it's going to be for you. even if you wait until you have a degree, you'll be competing with people with the same degree who have years of actual work experience behind them.

After I left college, I couldn't get a job. Eventually, to get myself out of the house and away from the temptation of watching nonstop cartoons, I got a job in a charity shop. Ironically, having the exporience of working did in fact net me a job.